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Guide to being a SURVIVOR!

#ChildhoodAbuse #abandonment #Rape #terror #Depression ….

When I was a small child, my father #Abandoned me without a goodbye. Mother had #Manic depression, and we were left poverty stricken. My clothes were holey, #filthy and #Hunger was a constant.
I lived in #terror being 6 yrs old, alone and subjected to constant #Abuse by strangers in my house.
I knew I had 2 choices #fight or #Die if I was going to win the ring of #Horror that had become my life. I chose to fight, to do what I needed to do, just to buy a pair of shoes. I had none. To cut a long story short, I want whoever is reading this to know that no matter how horrible, #Terrifying your life is right now? Take back your #courage , and #fight for what you want.
I’ve done more than #survive severe #Childhood trauma, I’m a #MentalIllness survivor too. I’ve excelled on my own, through my determination to get out of the hell hole I was in: like: meeting and hugging Nelson Mandela. Raising money for victims of crime, importing and exporting art and furniture, travelling to most of the countries in the world, making friends and connections on my own. owning my many businesses, and selling them for profit. Studying and being qualified in the science of the addicted, mentally Ill brain. Qualifying as a mental illness and addiction counsellor, raising 3 kids who’re well balanced and happy .
I’m now a YouTube influencer, my channel focuses on mental illnesses. Now, I’m teaming with MIND uk, to raise money for the mentally ill people who can’t work.

You are a survivor, you’re a magical, strong, brave, fabulous person.
Go for whatever you want, because you can. You can, no matter what ‘they’ did or said.
Do it! Your life is yours. Please take it back.
I’m with you.

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Hunger Vs Appetite. Im hungry but dont want food. Anorexia?

Most people I have talked to think hunger and appetite are the same.
My sister for example doesnt understand how I can feel hunger but still not want to eat.

Even though I feel hunger pains, at times the thought of eatting makes me feel a little nauseous. But that feeling goes away after I stop trying to force my self to eat.

I used to feel this a lot when I was anorexic as a teen. But I have been feeling this again a lot. As I was doing a little research I came across articles that said loss of appetite long term is actually considered anorexia. Now Im just confussed. I dont consider my self anorexic. I considered my self in recovery. Im not trying lose weight in an unhealthy way. If I am being honest this confussion has made me feel like I havent recovered at all. I feel disappointed. Recovery is hard and now its as if I havent at all.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice I would appreciate it very much.

#AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #Anxiety #Depression #Epilepsy #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #MentalHealth #OtherMentalHealth #Hunger #Appetite



I get to a point when my anxiety is ruling me that I no longer feel hunger just sickness. The thought of food, the smell of food it all makes me gag and I could go days without eating till the anxiety has subsided. I wake up in the night dry heaving coz it’s causing me to have another panic attack. I go to work and can’t control my tears when people ask me if I’m okay, they don’t understand. What would be a minor thing to them is massive to me yet I know deep down I’m being silly. Why can I not control my own mind and my emotions? #Lostinmyhead #Emotions #Anxiety #PanicAttack #Hunger #noappetite #Sickness #nocontrol


Can You Relate?

I feel like my mitochondria are suffocating.
I feel like my cells lack oxygen.
Laying down, I feel like I’m being crushed by bricks.
My heart is beating too fast, too hard. I feel it through the thin wall in my chest and it throbs.
My circulation feels cut off when I lay on my arm.
My muscles ache. They twitch and spaz.
This fatigue is incomprehensible.
When I lay on my side, one knee atop another, the contact of bone is uncomfortable.
I want to scream, but lack the energy to do so.
I’m hungry, but too weak to get up to get food.
I’m exhausted, but can’t sleep.
I’m in pain, but meds require too much from me to get up and take them.
I’m bored, but too brain-fogged to do anything productive.
My arms won’t hold a book up.
My fingers are weary from typing.
My eyes are too sore to look at a screen.
I’m too sick to work but apparently not sick enough to get disability.
I only make it into the doctors office on good days.
I want to enjoy my good days; pretend I’m not sick; then to everyone else it looks like I really am not sick.
I’m in too much pain to go on, but not severe enough to get help from the ER.
My doctors don’t have answers.
Other practitioners treat me like a guinea pig.
Everyone has their idea of what will “fix” or “cure” me, or what I’m doing wrong.
It hurts to lie down. It hurts to stand. To sit, to walk.
I move from my bed because I hurt, then back to my bed because I hurt; all the meanwhile using energy I don’t have.
My spoons have run short. I think I’m on next year’s supply.
I wish I had a doctor who knew more about what’s going on with me than I do.

#LymeDisease #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Muscle #Joint #ahces #Pain #Fatigue #exhaustion #nausea #Twitching #Hunger #tired #Spoonie #help #Relateable #mitochondria #circulation #Tachycardia


What are your favorite Tv shows you use escape mental illness for a little while?

I love shows that involve really close friends because I crave friendship like that. I have a wonderful fiancé, but there's something really special about friendship. I hunger for friendship & genuine connection so bad that watching shows like Friends or The Office or How I Met Your Mother or Glee really help fill that void for a little while. Can anyone else relate? If so, what shows do you watch? #Anxiety #Hunger #Connection #Friendship #tvshows


Do you ever go hungry because of anxiety #Anxiety #PhoneAnxiety #SocialAnxiety #Hunger

I'm just going hungry tonight. There is nothing to eat in the house - and I mean nothing!  I considered ordering pizza, but I often get very anxious when calling, especially the same place - like they'll remember me. As if they would care.  I did an on line search for other types of restaurants who deliver, wrote a number down and that was all it took to set me off with a racing heart.  It's just easier to go hungry than to use the phone.  I live alone.  I'm starting to get worried I can't even feed myself.  Maybe it's time to resume therapy.  I am so tired . . .