Lowdays

I am still hunting for a good therapist. The one I met today said I could be a really good customer service head. I am a tutor and I hate customer service. Why do therapists waste a patient's resources?! Sigh.
#CheckInWithMe
#wrongtherapist #confidentyetstupidtherapist #desperatemeeting #Lowdays #Clueless #CBT

recently life has been really tough on me. one thing after another. I’ve been up and down this past month more often. haven’t been able to sleep for the last 2 weeks my appetite is lacking been having nightmares on a daily basis. been paranoid about my marriage and my family. sometimes I feel like everyone is out to get me and hate me. I’ve been harder on myself more and more each day. I can feel the difference when I’m suddenly feeling good and more energetic and when I can’t get myself out of bed and go to work. I’ve been lashing out at other people and anything can trigger me to go out in full blown out rage. my husband went out to have an affair with a person who he didn’t even know. which made all these things I’ve been going through worse. he’s been so mean and cruel to me these past 2 days. he told me why would you still want to be with me after what I’ve done. I can’t let go no matter what happened and I hate it I demeaned myself and lost respect for myself begging someone to love me. I’m just really in a low place in my life right now. not only is my husband so mean to me but I’m mean to myself as well. I don’t know what to do about anything and just feel so hopeless I have God in my corner but even then I feel there isn’t any hope.

I don’t want pity I just wanted to let this out. #Depression #ToxicMarriage #Lowdays #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Hatemyself

Sometimes I find it hard to sleep. If I’m not having trouble going to sleep, I find that I’ll wake up at various times at night. I do go through periods where sleep is plentiful and I’m well rested, but if I’m experiencing a low end in my mental health, things go out of whack. On top of the fact that I’ve been working the night shift for the past year. I have tried many of things to help me get to sleep from sleep sounds to occasionally taking sleep aids. At the time I was first diagnosed with Depression, the only other way I would go to sleep was to have alcohol before bed or to eat more than usual just to feel drowsy. Anxiety and a unhealthy amount of guilt can make for a long night as well. I do think about changing things in my life again: maybe look for another job, take a break from life for a while, try to look on the bright side of things. I’m going to take things one day at a time instead of taking everything in at once, and try harder to take better care of myself. #Sleep #sleeplessnights #MentalHealth #Lowdays #Anxiety #Depression

My Own Hero is myself.
I helped myself get back together when I was low. I am my own support system and it’s great to type that. When I need help I ask and get it. #MentalHealth #Independence #Lowdays
You are your own Hero.
You help yourself get out of bed nobody else does, you decide. You decide when to eat and go out. You notice when you need help and get it xx
You are your own hero, be proud of that!!!!!! #Autism #Myselfcare #SpeakForYourself

Today I talked to the first person outside of my family about having BDP and they disclosed to me that their ex girlfriend had had BPD (or at least they thought they did she still doesn’t think so. ) after that conversation I feel so scared. Will anyone be able to handle me? Will I always be too much for someone? I lost the love of my life because of this. I’ve lost my mother and some of my best friends because of BPD blowups. Every book and blog and description of makes me feel like a monster that will never be able to be loved. I have so much love to give and so much authenticity. Yes I have my times and have my struggles but that doesn’t make me a monster does it? 😭😭#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #CheckInWithMe #Lowdays

Today - I didn’t have the patience to make a cup of coffee in the posh machine dad has. My brother asked why it’s been left and told him couldn’t work the buttons and got stressed out, so left for someone else. #MentalHealth #Autism #Love #Siblings #Relationships
Watching BBC iPlayer and the bro comes with the coffee for me 💙😭 xxxx
He does try now we are older and he gets it, like opening my windows during the day for me when have my rest days.
Makes sure I eat something and look after myself xx #Lowdays #Depression
Honestly my brother and my dad will be the only two lads that haven’t/won’t Broken my heart and the Cat Thomas 😉🐈🐈 xxx #Animals

“It’s perfectly normal to have a bad day or two, builds character and makes us stronger” 💪🏻 #MentalHealth #Autism #Anxiety #Lowdays #overthinking