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    Dealing with life with schizoaffective and a 5 month old #Momlife

    Hi I just figured I’d try this out for a change. My mom has been trying to get me to come to the mighty so here I am 🙂 … I have schizoaffective disorder and a 5 month old daughter who I adore. I am also a human trafficking survivor who deals with ptsd and anxiety. I’m not sure if I’ll find any friends here just thought I’d introduce myself.

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    I don't know how to "blog" but i guess ill give it a shot.. I'm CAT.. Hello everyone! I am a pagan, basket case, mom of 4. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. The girls are the new ones. I have only recently gained custody of them. 11 and 8.. man. I have been a boy mom for 14 years. I am also not very feminine . My husband of 9 years and his missing clothing would agree. It has been a tough adjustment so far. All in all I think we have it covered! HAHA I WISH! I have no idea what I'm doing. Not a clue.. My boys are 14 and 5. The teenager is an ass with his fathers temper and my 5 year old is an Autistic god sent from the heavens to challenge and teach me how to be better at.. well, just life in general. .hahah.. Keep in mind that I'm not your everyday suburban mom with a starbucks coffee and leggings.. I'm the one covered in tattoos and piercings. The you will most likely spot on your morning run, snagging the bones of dead animals, and making magic with my new found pagan daughters on the side of your hiking trail.. I'm from the hood but have a soul of a 600 year old witch with a backache... My mind is wise even though I'm a a basket case. I'm a libra so I guess that makes me a good listener... Animals are my thing as well. I have 2 American Bullies and will advocate them 'til the death of me. DON'T BULLY MY BREED! My most recent, Ms. AveryJade is the star of a business venture for my husband and I. But that is enough about me!. idk how I'm gonna handle all this. It has been tough. But I believe everything happens for a reason. Some too sensitive to discuss atm, but I'm sure we'll figure it out. Who knows maybe ill meet a couple of people here to share my adventures into this new world with. Don't be afraid to hit me up.. I'm literally stuck in the house all day making potions that allow me to summon the dead to do my bidding. I vibe with anyone who's able to vibe with me.. It is a weird vibe. I promise. Just know it will be just like woody and buzz.. After a while, even though you believe me to be from a distant planet, you will realize you've got a friend in me.. Yes. I sung it.. You're judging.. BYE #Blog #lifegetshard #autismmom #Momlife #mom #weirdo #letstalk #InsideTheMighty

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    Mom Friends and Difficulty Making Friends

    I’ve had difficulty making friends since I was a kid. I’ve always felt lonely, ignored, or ghosted by people, I try to plan play dates, or invite couples over to have dinner with my family but get declined so often I’ve given up on trying. I’m tired of being nice and trying to do things for others only to be left with aquantances who don’t care to be friends. I’ve brought meals to moms who had babies, tried to plan gatherings. Ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar2 I feel like I’ve realized that is probably one of the reasons why people avoid me. I’ve had it since I was 19 and I’m 32. I’m stable and don’t have a severe form it’s more depression than anything. I do know though that most people I meet never go beyond aquantance and the few I considered friends no longer interact. Things changed when I had kids. I tried participating in a Bible study but it only was aquantances ever. I never felt like any mom really wanted to get to know me better. Like I was nice to see at this Bible study but no I’d rather not do a play date or coffee at your house or EVER invite your family over. My husband and I have hosted families a few times trying to grow relationships and never have gotten an invite. I feel like I’m an outsider and yet have lived in my community for over a decade. I’ve been a monk 4 years now and have 3 kids and just feel like it’s just us. Even my daughter wants to make friends and we are starting to feel excluded even when I offer to make breakfast and host, or cook up a nice bbq. I know I’m an introvert but I am trying. Covid had made it worse but now I’m wondering if I’m cursed when it comes to making friends. I’ve felt lonely since I was 12 living in another state. We moved down south when I was 17 which didn’t help. I felt like no one wanted to be friends with me because I didn’t go to their private school. Now I’m an adult, went to college, and am a stay at home parent and realize everyone who was a friends really was just using me in college. I think in had one good friend and now she lives far away and we just aren’t as close anymore. Aside from her everyone I ever tried to befriend would eat when I hosted but never recuperate. Reilly to my texts many days later, ask private questions but never really open up on their end. A few moms in tried to befriend have done this. They’re nosy about me then never share about themselves and act secretive. At that point I’m like oh ok you don’t want to be friends. And just stop texting or asking to get together. Should I just stop trying? I’m really just getting to a point I’ll face aquantances in life but friends no... #Bipolar2 #Momlife #Makingfriends #SocialAnxiety #Depression #Loneliness

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    How do you speak positively about pain?

    I was watching this monotone women speak about reprogramming your mind. As much as I want to receive what she was saying there was a part of me that became very frustrated and triggered. She said to speak empowering words to ourselves about what we can do and where we want to go. This was in the collection about healin the way mind and body seemingly from anything. ...maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to reprogram my mind and how I think about my physical symptoms. Maybe I need to stop thinking I can heal it all, recover completely, release all of what I feel and experience daily. She at one point to not say in tired rather my health is vital and all that positive shit. But that's when I got triggered because hell IM MFN TIRED shit! And pissing fussy like my son lol and sometimes angry and hard on myself. Its already a challenge for me to fully acknowledge and comprehend what's going on. I downplay it so much minimizing and dismissing myself the same way others have. Frankly it isnt helpful. I get self talk, affirmations etc yet how do we speak about the very real feeling sensations aches and sharp shooting dagger like pain we experience now, daily without "claiming it" or speaking against our wants desires and dreams of radiant vitality in health. Idk.

    I struggle speaking about my experience to a point where it could affect how I receive treatment and even an accurate diagnosis. So I'm truly wanting to innerstand how the fuck I'm "supposed" to speak about this shit without being depriving or dare I say negative and thus creating more pain in my reality.....is that even how that works FR?

    Today was tough, the sun was shining yet I still felt this deep pressure from the weather and keeping up with my 9 month old. I swear hes stronger than me! I know this time is fleeting and I simply want to enjoy it all happily and joyous. I also wish I was more physically able to truly keep up with him, the house, cooking. I really need help and dont know where its gonna come from. So much uncertainty at times, I just have to continue breathing deeply calmly and peaceful. I've come a long way and for the I am grateful. Its body easy fet day in and day out to face the fulltime battle of maintaining with chronic pain or illness of some sort. Much love peace and patience stay rested and well 🌱🌻🌺 #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar #tired #Fatigue #Momlife

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    The Pancake Workout #PTSD #Cantsleep #Momlife

    The Pancake Workout


    Tonight I could not sleep. Fighting PTSD is a 24/7 job. I frequently wake in the night and can't go back to sleep. Lately, instead of letting the anxiety take over, I have been trying to look for productive night time activities. This is how I discovered the Pancake Workout.

    It is 3 AM and I am restless. I have to find something to keep my hands and mind busy. What can I do? Of course, my children will be up in a few hours and they will need breakfast. I decide pancakes  are in order. Out come the ear buds and gangster rap. (Thank you Dr. Dre ) 

    It started with me dancing around the kitchen while waiting for each cake to cook. Once my heart rate is elevated, I'm feeling a bit happier and accomplished as the pancakes stack up.

     If each pancake takes about one minute to cook, I can get some squats in...... also cheat push ups against the counter.  Whole process takes about a half of an hour and by the end, I feel the mind body connection that was missing when I woke with anxiety

    Plus there's food !!! Mission accomplished .

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    These 2 have saved my life so many times! #Momlife

    God 1st, these 2 are my everything on Earth!

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    Momlife

    It’s something you cannot really turn your back to! Motherhood. I mean I do love my children but I wish I didn’t have them at the moment! Don’t know if that makes me a bad mother/human but yes I do feel like I cannot handle responsibilities #Momlife #twinmom

    Question

    How do you be a mom, wife , employee and make sure you take care of your mental health?

    I just recently started working again ,I quit my job two years ago because I couldn’t balance being a mom and working it was to hard on my mental health(i was a single mom then) I have teenagers and wonderful partner, they have their own chores to do but the teen’s are slackers (can I just call them a-holes) , it’s a fight everyday for them to do something as simple as having a shower. I find myself getting into my head a lot more when I have more on my plate. asking my self “am I doing a good job being a mom? , how can I keep my house decent that it doesn’t look like we were robbed? , and make sure I’m not overwhelming my guy with my anxieties. #Momlife #stressedoutmom #Anxiety #routineneeded

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    How do I keep going?

    I've been with my husband 19 years. We have 5 kids and 2 grandsons. My health isn't good. My husband cheated on me again. I'm staying for my kids. What other choice do I have?! I'm a stay at home mom and I homeschool my kids. He swears it won't happen again. He went to counseling with me a few times. I'm in therapy individually too. I'm so unhappy. He is actually changing, doing everything I've always wanted him to do the past 19 years. I feel like it was too little to late. All I see when I look at him is all the hurt and anger he has caused me. I'll never be good enough. Why can't I just except his apologies and move on?
    #Broken #Depression #Momlife #lost