I’ve always disliked being put on the spot. When someone asks me an unexpected question, wants an answer right away, or brings up something that I wasn’t prepared to talk about, I have a hard time responding in the moment.
It’s not that I don’t have an answer or that I don’t want to respond. It just takes me a while to process what someone has said and figure out what I actually want to say back. But when I feel like I’m expected to respond immediately, I get really flustered. My mind goes blank, I stumble over my words, or I end up saying something that doesn’t really express what I was trying to get across.
And of course, it’s usually afterward that I think of everything I could’ve said. I’ll replay the interaction and wonder why I couldn’t come up with those words when I needed them.
I’ve been asked, “So, what are you doing with your life?” or “What are you doing now?” several times, and it stuns me every time. I never really know how to answer those questions. They always throw me off guard. There’s this overwhelming anxiety that makes me completely freeze up.
Honestly, nothing really changes very much in my life. I’ve felt stuck for years in my comfort bubble, and things just don’t progress the way I’d like them to. So, when someone asks me what I’m doing with my life, I just say the same thing every time: “Oh, not much.” I don’t like responding that way, but it makes me incredibly nervous to share the things I’ve been doing because I feel like there isn’t much to show for it. It’s embarrassing to me.
I also think about why the question is so important for the other person to know. Why do they need to know what I’m doing with my life? To me, it feels invasive and too personal. I don’t know. I feel like most people don’t mind being asked this. Why do I find it so heavy?
Part of what makes communication difficult for me is that I know what I want to say, but getting those words to come out at the right moment is nearly impossible. I’ll have a whole conversation going on inside my head, but when it comes time to actually say something, it doesn’t come out the way I intended. My nerves take over, and I’m desperately looking for a way out of the conversation.
Sometimes I need to think about a question before I answer it. I might need to consider what the person is asking, what they really mean, and how I want to respond. Other people might be able to come up with an answer right away, but my brain doesn’t always work that way. I don’t necessarily have an immediate response, and I don’t like feeling rushed to come up with one.
It can be especially difficult when someone asks me how I feel about something or expects me to explain myself. I might know that I have feelings about a situation, but putting those feelings into words while someone is waiting for an answer is a different story. I can struggle to explain what I’m thinking, even when I’ve spent plenty of time thinking about it on my own.
A friend of mine and I chat often. We joke, have deep conversations, and just talk like most friends do. But sometimes I’ll say something I didn’t mean to in the moment, and she’ll ask, “What did you say?” or “What do you mean?” It always leaves me blank. I tense up, not knowing how to respond because it was something I said without really thinking about it.
I don’t know. It just leaves me feeling very anxious because I don’t immediately know how to explain what I meant. It frustrates me because all I want to do is give a clear answer, but I can’t think as fast as I’d like to.
It makes me feel so awkward. I wonder what the other person thinks of me. I don’t want someone to misunderstand my words, but I also don’t want to feel like I have to come up with something on the fly just to fill the gap.
Another thing I notice is that I can come up with a much better response after the interaction is over. It’s almost comical how quickly the words come to me once I’m no longer expected to say them.
I don’t think people always realize how much pressure an unexpected question can create. Something that seems like a simple question to someone else can leave me trying to sort through all my thoughts at once. I want to give a thoughtful answer, but I don’t want there to be an awkward silence while I try to figure it out.
I’d like to be able to pause, think about what someone asked, and respond when I’m ready without feeling like I need to apologize for it. I don’t always need more time because I don’t understand the question. Sometimes I just need a little longer to figure out what I want to say.
I guess I just wish I didn’t feel so much pressure to have the right words at the right time. Because more often than not, they’re there. They just don’t always come when I need them.
Do you ever struggle to find the right words when someone expects you to respond right away?
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Autism #Neurodiversity
