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Fitting in

I just went to my first academic conference. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done, and gave me confidence that I really belong in my field. But I still felt like there were times when I struggled to fit in, and wondered if others thought that I was awkward or strange. Looking back, I hope I didn't misrepresent myself to others who might someday hire me, or read something I've written.

I am neurodivergent. I often question whether I can own that label, since I'm not officially Autistic or ADHD, but my cerebral palsy, associated vision challenges and learning disability create struggles within certain social contexts. I don't always know where to stand, what to say, where to look or how to end a conversation. It's one of the many things I've tried to hide whenever I can...I live in an exhausting place of accepting and often being proud of my physical disability, but struggling with its cognitive effects.

I confided in a trusted family member about my thoughts, and their response unsettled me. They replied, "yeah, I always worry about how you come across too." They elaborated that "sometimes you seem so neurodiverse, and other times you seem so capable" and encouraged me to ask trusted friends and mentors for feedback and advice on how to interact with others in these academic situations. Part of me knows that I need to improve these skills to be accepted in my field, but another part of me really craved to hear that I am enough as I am. Of course, I've been told that many times, too...I'm blessed to have many wonderful, validating people in my life. But I'm still left questioning how much of my true self is really welcome.

#CerebralPalsy #Disability #LearningDisabilities #Neurodiversity #Anxiety

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One of the most helpful apps for #ADHD and productivity, tasks and other things to help keep our day on track

Hero pulls everything—tasks, calendar, reminders, habits, even groceries—into one feed. It’s like a digital assistant, but without the pressure. What was the part that stood out most to me? The reminders still go off even if your phone’s on silent for folks with ADHD, memory issues, or just too much on their plate; that kind of backup matters.

It’s also built with accessibility in mind. You can use voice, text, or even images to set things up, and a daily briefing helps keep your brain on track. It doesn’t feel like it’s trying to “fix” anything—just supports how your brain already works.

#ADHDInGirls #Neurodiversity #MentalHealth

tryhero.app

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Hero: Your Daily Assistant

Hero is a unique super-app that consolidates your work and personal calendars, reminders, notes, weather, groceries, and GPT into one feed. It’s uniquely designed for quick coordination with partners, family, and friends instantly.
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A text to a friend. #MentalHealth #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD #Autism #Burnout #Neurodiversity

I fell off the map for a few days - I hope I didn’t worry you, and I apologize if I did. Thank you for checking in on me even when I couldn’t respond. I was able to get back to a somewhat manageable mental “normal” at least for the time being. Work is still a lot, the collective task list is a lot, home life is a lot, but I’m trying to not think about it for just a little bit. I just need to turn my mind off and get some (very long overdue) cleaning done. I’m not ignoring your texts, I swear, I just couldn’t handle my thoughts for too long on this. Please don’t stop reaching out - I do read your messages, and when I’m in a better head space, I will reply. Thanks for being patient with me. I’m doing my best.

I know we’ve talked about how I don’t necessarily fit the typical autistic or ADHD stereotype, but if you think about it, I’ve have at least the last 30 years to perfect my ability to hide my real self - I’m an expert. I’ve even fooled myself, but now, it’s become a problem because the pressure is too great to handle alone. I’m embarrassed, self critical, angry, and ashamed that I can’t handle it alone, that I’m not strong enough. I resist help even when it’s the only way out; I am trying to recognize when I need help and learning how to allow myself to ask for help - it’s more difficult than I expected. I appreciate you, your help and for thinking of me. I’m working on getting out of the trenches, but, for now, I’m hopeful. I will be in touch when able 🤟🏻

[if you don’t have the words to text a friend for help, feel free to copy and paste to at least let your loved ones know about your situation. As someone who works in the medical field, I can say that everyone is different; bodies, minds, needs, etc can differ greatly from person to person. Help for one person may adversely a/effect another. Something you may not think to try could move you in a good direction.
What do YOU need?
Ask for that, aim for that, it’s easier said than done, obviously, I’m struggling as well, but I want to be able to feel like I’m allowed exist, not just trying to survive, and I think that alone is worth the struggle. I’m rooting for you.]

#MentalHealth #AspergersSyndrome #AutismSpectrum #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Anxiety #Depression

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Gratitude Isn’t Always Loud: Redefining What It Means on the Mental Health and Recovery Journey

Gratitude doesn’t always look like a journal entry or a social media post with a list of things you’re thankful for. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Sometimes, it shows up in the decision not to give up on yourself. Other times, it’s in the deep breath you take before trying again—before getting out of bed, making that call, showing up to your support group, or deciding to stay clean for one more day.

In mental health and recovery, gratitude I have learned it often evolves. At the start, it might feel distant or even impossible. But as we heal and grow, we start to notice the little things: the right people staying, the wrong people leaving, the clarity that slowly returns, or even just feeling our emotions without shutting down.

And here’s the thing: defining what gratitude means for you is powerful. It’s not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is okay. It’s about honoring the small wins, the tough lessons, and the moments when you choose to keep moving forward—even when nobody sees it.

Gratitude can look like boundaries. It can look like rest. It can be telling someone you’re struggling instead of pretending you’re not. It’s not performative—it’s personal. And defining it on your own terms helps you own your journey, not compare it to someone else’s.

So if you’ve ever thought, “I should be more grateful,” maybe pause and ask, “What does gratitude really mean to me right now?” You might be surprised at how deeply it’s already showing up.

Lastly remember you’re doing better than you think. #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AspergersSyndrome #Autism #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Addiction #PTSD #Neurodiversity

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all right, so, hold on, let me just explain myself.. #MentalHealth #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AutismSpectrum #ADHD

Something inside me has shifted. I don’t know if it was a switch flipping on or off—but suddenly I’m aware of things I’ve never seen clearly before. It’s like I’m meeting myself for the first time, but also investigating a long-abandoned version of me. Sometimes I feel like a detective, a survivor, and a witness all at once—dusting off forgotten memories and buried emotions that have been quietly running the show.

I feel like the whole cast and crew of Inside Out live in my head—and I’m not just Riley. I’m watching the control panel, the islands, the memory storage, even the monitor that shows what Riley sees. I’m the observer, the critic, the rescuer, the fixer, and the confused child—all living inside the same system, trying to speak over each other. Sometimes I don’t know whose voice is talking, or if what I’m saying is fully true when I say it. I catch myself adjusting my words in real time, as if I’ve spent my whole life making sure I say what others want to hear. Not out of malice—out of survival.

This level of awareness is both fascinating and exhausting. I’m constantly aware of my thoughts and the fact that I’m aware. It feels like I’m running the control tower of a giant airport—watching the weather, scanning radar, managing signals, and trying not to crash—while also being the plane flying through the storm. It’s a lot.

And yet, I’m still functioning. I still show up. I still smile. But it’s getting harder to fake it now that I’ve started unmasking. I don’t want to go back to hiding, but I also don’t know what moving forward looks like. I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a massive canyon where my younger self got lost. Now I’m walking back in with a flashlight—trying to find her.

I know people might think I’m overanalyzing or being dramatic. But this is just how my brain works. I speak in metaphors because they’re the only way I can explain what’s too complex to put plainly. I feel like I have a thousand tabs open in my mind, and I’m finally starting to look at what’s on each one. This might be some combination of autism, ADHD, trauma, or something else—I don’t know yet. But I know it’s real. And I know I’m trying.

#MentalHealth #DiffuseIdentity #AutismSpectrum #ADHD #mentalwellness #ADHDInGirls #Anxiety #Depression #Neurodiversity

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How did everyone’s week go? And what’s something you’re looking forward to for the rest of the summer? For me, it’s a few things—my ACL is finally starting to feel better, my new ADHD medication is actually helping and working better than my old medication
, and I might be starting a new role as a pharmacy assistant. #ADHD #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #ADHDInGirls #MentalHealth #Depression #Neurodiversity

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Some days, it feels like I’m only just beginning. After a lifetime of pretending—of masking, people-pleasing, trying to be what the world expected—I’m realizing I don’t really know myself at all. Or maybe I do, but I’m still peeling back the layers. I’m still unlearning everything I was told I should be. Still learning to accept who I really am.

The journey of self-acceptance hasn’t come easily. It’s been a messy and emotional roller-coaster. I’ve had to grieve years I spent trying to be someone else. Now, I’m in a new chapter of life. Even though I’m essentially starting over and reintroducing myself, I’m hopeful that I can accept parts of me that I didn’t know existed.

Here are just a few things I’m still learning to accept:

1. I’m Impatient—Sometimes Explosively So

As much as I hate to admit it, I like order and structure. When things fall out of place, or when people don’t meet me where I am, my fuse shortens quickly. I get frustrated, irritated, even angry. I’m not sure if it’s in fact an anger issue, sensory overload, or something deeper, but it makes me feel out of control. I don’t like this side of myself.

The smallest things will grind my gears. Someone who doesn’t’ use a turn signal (come on people it’s common sense and not that difficult to do), someone who won’t hold the door open for me when I’m standing right there, situations where people give me a “look” and I spaz out. Small yes, but irritating nonetheless.

I’ve been trying to breathe through those moments. I try to pause, and recenter before reacting. I don’t always succeed, but I’m trying my hardest. I’m learning to be kinder to myself in those moments too.

2. I’m Quiet—And I’ve Hated That About Myself

Being the quiet one has always felt like a curse. I’ve been mistaken for rude, disinterested, even lacking personality. But I’m not. I’m just shy, observant, introverted. I take time to open up.

Still, that quietness has made me feel invisible. It’s made me lonely. It’s made me second-guess every word I manage to say.

When I’m around a group of people, even friends, I tighten up. I get nervous and generally don’t like any attention. It’s a double-edged sword because I want to be involved and noticed, but I don’t want to be at the same time. I essentially create this scenario in my head that tells me people don’t like me when really, they’re just trying to make me included. But I always misconstrue that. I twist it into something that it’s not. Once again, it’s all in my head.

But I’m trying to accept that part of myself. I might turn positive into negative, but that’s just what I’ve always done. I’m trying to unlearn that and use my voice. I just need to feel safe enough to share my full self. I know deep down that I have a warm, funny, thoughtful personality. I just want to get better at showing it.

3. I’m a Complainer—Especially When I’m Uncomfortable

If I’m unhappy, it shows. If I don’t want to do something, I’ll probably say it (or let it show on my face). And if I feel pushed or overwhelmed, I might shut down completely. It’s something been embarrassed about for years.

For example, when I went on a recent trip to Portland, I panicked and had a huge meltdown. This happened while I was camping. I’m not used to roughing it. Sleeping somewhere that’s not my bed, dealing with hordes of bugs, not using a clean bathroom. All of that makes me uneasy.

But I tried to pull through. However, when morning came, I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled, cried, and through a temper tantrum. I woke my friends up in a rage and made them feel bad. Certainly not a moment I wish to remember, and I’m sure they don’t either.

I don’t want to be seen as difficult, but I also don’t want to keep hiding my discomfort just to seem easygoing. The truth is, I feel things intensely, and I don’t always have the tools to process them calmly in the moment. I’m working on this. It might take time, but I’m starting to be more mindful of the things I complain about.

4. I Overthink Everything

I’m always in my head. I replay conversations, decisions, things I said years ago. I analyze people’s tone, their body language, their silences. I imagine worst-case scenarios. I struggle to stay rooted in the present because my mind is constantly drifting. It’s either to the past or to some anxious prediction about the future.

It’s exhausting. But it’s also a part of how my brain works. I’m learning to ground myself when I feel like I’m floating away. Even just noticing the moment helps.

5. I’m Still Learning to Accept Myself, Period

The truth is, I’m still learning how to love all the parts of me. The complicated, emotional messy ones. And I’ve only just begun.

Some days I feel proud of who I’m becoming. Other days, I feel like I’m drowning in self-doubt. But even on the hardest days, I’m showing up, and I’m choosing to keep going. And I think that’s enough.

If you’re still learning to accept yourself too, you’re not alone. This work is slow, and it’s okay if you’re just getting started.

“Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”—Paulo Coelho

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Anxiety #Neurodiversity

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Weekly self-reflection for anyone who wants to answer and share

One behavior I’ve stopped tolerating is when people weaponize my growth or recovery journey while refusing to own their own actions. It’s even worse when they sabotage my progress and play innocent. “Nice” without accountability isn’t kindness—it’s manipulation. Avoiding conflict doesn’t make someone safe, and being “low-drama” doesn’t mean they’re not draining your peace.

The biggest thing we gain when we stop tolerating these patterns? Our energy. What we once spent managing other people’s egos now goes into healing, creating, and showing up for ourselves. I’ve also learned not to delay calling it out—especially when someone shows zero effort to take responsibility. You don’t have to feel bad for protecting your peace.

Here are five simple but powerful ways to stop tolerating harmful behaviors:
1. Name it clearly—don’t downplay what hurt you.
2. Use boundaries, not guilt—you’re allowed to say no without explanation.
3. Leave the door open for accountability—but not excuses.
4. Remember: silence doesn’t mean grace if it costs your peace.
5. Seek support that doesn’t require you to shrink to be accepted.

#ADHD #ADHDInGirls #Autism #Neurodiversity #Anxiety
#MightyTogether #Depression #Addiction #MentalHealth

What Therapy Taught Me About No Longer Tolerating Certain Behaviors
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What Therapy Taught Me About No Longer Tolerating Certain Behaviors

Therapy didn’t hand me answers.
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