Today I found an earthworm where he shouldn’t be in my garden . So I gently placed him in my hand
But I didn’t feel the familiar coolness of his touch , the slithers of his movement .
Or the slime of his skin
It was hard to understand
How something so familiar , something I’ve experienced my whole life . Something that to be a sensed so strong .
Was all the sudden.
Gone .
My mind flashed back to sterile doctors offices as a child
Reflex hammers to the knee
The baffled looked when my legs didn’t jump , the same result happening when they tried different parts of me
Wheels in the doctors brains spinning in hyper drive as you could see their brain pouring over the possibilities.
Then as I grew , their seemed to be a growing collection of “ things wrong with me “
For years , I’ve been a mystery .
As answers has been slowly appearing .
I’ve sat with doctors as they have tried to help me understand
Why my body works like it does .
Why I “am the way that I am “
But when I didn’t feel that earth worm move in my hand .
The neurologist workups and worries made more sense to me
I’ve always cracked jokes when they have mentioned “ Neuropathy “ .
I didn’t see it as a big issue . Just something small .
Not a sign to a bigger issue .
I mean isn’t it better than more pain to just feel nothing at all?
But when I knew how that worm was suppose to feel .
Then felt nothing at all.
It made my “little worry “ feel less small .
As I put the worm in a different container
Watched him slither away as I set him free .
I couldn’t help but mournfully wonder
What will be the next little thing I’ll loose about me?
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