Poetry

Trigger Warning: This poem contains sensitive topics, dark imagery and graphic depictions of suicidal thoughts. Keep in mind, this is just a poem and not to be taken out of context. Unfortunately for others to hear, I do have a rather dark-toned voice when it comes to writing stories in a poetry format. See this as self-expression and a way to transmute pain into art. As I am already seeking professional help.

If anyone is sensitive to this topic, please do not read further than this message. Your mental health is more important than my art.

......

My arousal

Is it depart from this

God-forsaken planet

Permanently

Not tempted to look back

At the past mistakes

Filled with unfathomable regrets

How can I or anyone close forget?

The relationships

I have obliterated

And ended prematurely

Perhaps it would be

Sapient to fly off

The nearest cliff

To finally end the prolonged

Suffering once

And for all

Aspire to vanish

In the midst

Of a perfect storm

Or arrive at cosy

Setting that is warm

Who am I fooling?

I cannot live on

Like this

Spiralling into a

internal abyss

Inner peace

Shattered

Dreams and hopes

For the future

Battered

Into a million pieces

Before my eyes

As if my whole life

Have been a

Big fat lie

I often flirt with death

Through living in

A heedless manner

Who gives a toss

about a defective planner?

As I strolled

Through an eerie

Swamp

Appeared to be all in black

Absences of any hue

Colour it would lack

Descending into more

Intrusive thoughts

Then stumbled into

an invisible web

All caught up thus far

Accepting the entanglement

Just as peaceful

As a spa

Ironically….

Futile to break free

From my own shackles

Cannot saved through

my own insanity

Perplexed in the

Stygian and chilling swamp

Contemplating on

My life or future

In profound estrangement

And dread

Stream of tears

Began to shred

“Is this what I truly desire?”

I questioned

“Who am I leaving behind?”

If only I can

Rewrite the past or rewind.

#MentalHealth #Depression #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Loneliness #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #Selfcare #SocialAnxiety #MightyPoets #Neurodiversity #SuicidePrevention #Poetry

This is something I wrote today. Writing is helping me process my chronic illness.
—————
What I didn’t know I was holding:

I didn’t know

that most people don’t wake up

already tired.

That showers don’t drain them.

That joy isn’t rationed,

measured in teaspoons

of energy they can’t spare.

I thought I was normal

because no one told me otherwise.

Because my mother didn’t tell me

that pain can have a name.

Because in my family,

suffering was swallowed,

then called strength.

I learned to call it strength, too.

I smiled through fog,

walked on bones that ached like bruises,

held my breath through fatigue

that wrapped itself around my brain

and made me disappear

in plain sight.

I was praised for being capable,

for pushing through,

for carrying what no one saw

was breaking me.

And I believed them.

I believed myself.

That I was just sensitive,

or weak,

or lazy,

or wrong

for wanting the pain to mean something

other than failure.

I didn’t know

that what I was surviving

was not survivable forever.

That one day the pushing

would push back.

Now I am here.

Still trying.

But I am sick.

And I am done pretending

that sick means broken

or invisible

or unworthy of softness.

I see myself now—

not dramatic, not weak,

but someone who has been

astonishingly brave

in the wrong direction.

I am learning

how to live

without abandoning myself

in the process.

× " Within... The Colden Wind's Of Ever Changing... Fate... What Will Become Of All Of Us.. Human Tortured Soul's... Some Have Wounded Inner Child Syndrome... And Other's Full Of Never Ending Tragedy... There Is ●H.O.P.E●..But There Need's To Be Released...Energy Of Inner ▪︎ W.I.L.L ▪︎... Sacrifice Every Nightmare And Failure For A Better Feature And Tomarrow ... And It Should Be Created Now... Dream's Have Come × Gone... As Of Late... ▪︎ F.E.A.R ▪︎ Will Be Deminished... All We Ever Truly Wished For Is A Better New Beginning To Start Over Anew... ☆ L.O.V.E ☆ F.A.T.E☆F.E.A.R.L.E.S.S ☆S.A.C.R.I.F.C.E.☆ Sincerely, ☆ You're Mighty Poet Skaoi Kvitravn ☆#Poetry

In the eyes of a teenage crystallized
Oh, the prettiest of lights
That hang the hallways of the home
And the cries from the strangers out at night
They don't keep us up at night
We have the curtains drawn and closed
We all are living in a dream
But life ain't what it seems
Oh, everything's a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything's a mess
But I wanna dream
I wanna dream
Leave me to dream
Leave me to dream…

I know I’m annoying,
You don’t have to tell me
I know I’m weird,
I hear it a lot
I know I’m not beautiful,
People remind me everyday
I know I’m boring,
But,
That’s the one thing that just isn’t quite me
People have made me see
That they don’t like me
So I shut down
My thoughts pound
Scared to move or do anything
Because I’m scared I’ll get another comment about me again
All I wanted was to have fun but I can’t, because that’s the one thing I’m not-
And I know that too, people have shown me through and through…

I'm sittin' here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon
I'm wastin' my time, I got nothin' to do
I'm hangin' around, I'm waitin' for you
But nothing ever happens
And I wonder

I'm sittin' here, I missed the power
I'd like to go out, takin' a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens
And I wonder

-Lemon Tree, by Fool’s Garden

° " Growing Up I Was Severely Bullied For My Race And Disabilitie's... No Matter How Many Time's I Wanted To End My Life... I Couldn't All Because I Had To Take Care Of Two People.. In My Younger Year's On To My Teenage Year's... I Still Get Bullied As An Adult... And It's Insane... Like How Can People Become So Cruel And Inhumane Toward's Someone Else.. We Are All Human... No Matter How Thing's Are... You Cannot Change Or Try To Mold Someone Into Something That You Want Them To Become... That's Not How Life Work's... Or Change Someone's Imperfection's.. We Are All Beautifully Unique Inside And Out No Matter How People Assume How We Should Become... " ° #Thought 's ☆▪︎☆ S.K. ☆▪︎☆