Finding Beauty in Chaos - Even when My own Feels Overwhelming
The universe has always amazed me. Supernovae, black holes, galaxies, nebulae - they're all chaotic, unpredictable, and yet somehow breathtakingly beautiful. I can look at cosmic chaos and see wonder.
But it'sironic, because in my own life, chaos often feels unbearable. I see beauty in space being chaotic, but when I feel chaos inside myself, I usually hate it. Living with BPD means my inner world can get so exhausting and dark, and the emotions are so heavy sometimes I don't know what to do with them.
At the same time, I know that without those deep, exhausting, dark feelings, I wouldn't have those deep, amazing, unbelievable moments of joy either. The kind Where I well up with tears of happiness - sometimes just from Seeing someone else happy. I love that I'm able to feel that happiness for others. I'm also glat that through all that chaos it has helped me feel empathy for people when they need it.
Einstein once said the most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. For me, chaos is part of that mystery, that adventure - both out in the universe and inside of me. The same way stars are born from the collapse of dying ones, some of my best, most compassionate parts of Myself have come from the hardest experiences.
I won't pretend its easy. sometimes my chaos still feels unbearable. But I've Started to realize it's also part of what makes me who I am. Maybe the chairs is what makes the joy possible. Maybe the chaos is sacared too.
What about you? Do you See beauty in your own chaos, or does it is still feel like something you want to escape?
Meg
#science #Spirituality #Philosophy #Wonder #alchemyoflife #einstein #chaosandorder #cosmicperspective