shattereddreams

#carers . I’ve recently become carer for my husband of 45 years. His health has declined steadily over about the last decade. He’s never been an easy man, impossibly high standards & very judging & critical. He is a decent person however & I care deeply for him, although I have a lot of unresolved resentment simmering away in my heart. So many times he’s hurt my feelings over the years, generally a blatant lack of consideration forr my happiness has always been the way I feel. Trouble is that now he’s done so much damage to himself & continues to, even tho he has managed to do irreparable damage to all of his major organs. He is so unwell now that it’s almost like caring for a 3 year old & he’s just as non compliant, refusing to try & help himself. I’m so over it, I’m not well myself & among other things don’t sleep, so constantly battling exhaustion. But still having to tend to his considerable needs. It’s becoming very difficult for me to cope & now I feel like an awful person for resenting it so much. Am I selfish for looking forward to an easier life after retirement & then everything changed, I feel like I’ve been robbed. #carers #Husbands #Retirement #shattereddreams

When I was a kid
My chest would fill
With intense pain
Every time I ran.

When I was fourteen
I got dizzy
And saw colours
Every prolonged stand

When I was fifteen
My fingers bent
Past normal and
I loved this misdeed.

Now I am sixteen
My chest fills
With intense pain
Regardless of speed.

(Costochondritis.)

I get dizzy
And see colours
Every time I stand.

(Orthostatic Hypotension.)

My body aches
And bends to lengths
Most can't understand.

(Undiagnosed.)

I never knew
I could survive such pain,
Going day after day
Feeling mostly the same.
And for this,
They give me pity
Because they see not
Where I see beauty.
They see broken hearts
And shattered dreams,
Not the ashes
Where fire starts
And where hope gleams.
Not for me,
But for humanity.
This slight synecdoche
Displays the cores of
Human sanity:
Our resilience
Determination
Ceaseless pliantness
And strong ambition.
We stop at nothing
To stay alive
We keep going,
Continue to strive.

#Poetry #survival #Costochondritis #OrthostaticHypotension #Undiagnosed #Hypermobility #Dysautonomia #Pain #Pity #sickofpity #Beauty #BeautyInPain #beautyinsurvival #shattereddreams #Hope #humanity #resilience #Determination #pliantness #adaptability #ambition #strive #Disability #strength #MightyPoets #strengthinpain #strengthinsurvival #Teen #Poem #poets #Writing