sundayscaries

This upcoming week has me thinking: Will I slack off on what I told myself I would get done? Probably. It doesn’t seem to get done, my laundry, my homework for therapy, wishing my room was clean for the 500th time before I actually get started ...my ideas to DO something worthwhile just seem out of touch and out of reach right now. Somehow I can’t get in the right mode to fend off the apathy and lack of motivation I’ve been feeling day to day. And I’m on an anti-depressant. I guess I sound like I’m more depressed than what I thought I was. Really, again? I knew this was going to happen. What else is new? I’ve relapsed so many times to count.

3 days of out of the week I’m part of a therapy IOP program. But I can’t say I see myself going all in—I’m supposed to see myself improving by now. I think I’m just passing myself off as helpless... and I hate that I have the victim mentality. I want to start treating myself better instead of ignoring my emotions and expecting someone else to “fix me”.

I’m smack dab in the middle of a war within myself. I want to make better choices that show I’m completely competent to take care of myself, yet all I want is someone else to take care of me. It’s debilitating to feel like the person you are is dysfunctional and un-fixable.

So, this week I’m probably going to be stuck in my head, feeling distant from my actual wants and needs, and I don’t know how to put up with my deteriorating relationship with myself and others.

Is this all I’m planning? No I have to make a schedule in therapy... but it’s just talk, they slip on by because I don’t know how to give myself credit for anything. I know this is discounting the positive—a cognitive distortion.

How do you re-discover ZEST FOR LIFE??? I just am looking for something I haven’t found yet. Loneliness doesn’t help. What cures your loneliness....anyone out there???

#Depression #CheckInWithMe #Lonliness #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Latenightowl #sundayscaries #therapythoughts

I have had a good weekend. I was feeling reasonably OK, I have got stuff done, I went for a long walk today and I made dinner from scratch tonight.
But now, the anxiety has crept back in. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just Sunday evening dread. I feel on edge, too alert, and have images of cutting myself in my head (I am not going to do it.) .
I am beginning to accept that even when I do all of the right things, anxiety will still be lingering in the shadows and there will be times when it comes out of the background to make an appearance , but I just hate how after a good weekend, it couldn’t just leave me alone for a bit longer, even just until the morning.
I just needed to let out my frustration 😖. Tomorrow is a new day.
#Anxiety #Depression #sundayscaries

This is a pretty great discovery, actually. Being able to put a word on that feeling of dread you get on a Sunday is kind of comforting, especially now I can see other people that feel the same way at the end of the week.

Sorry for the mood switch but
I always find myself having difficulty getting to sleep Sunday nights, simply because I don’t want to have to wake up to another week of schoolwork(I mean, it’s deeper than that but I’m not going to dump that all in this post in particular). Is there anything you do that helps with your own cases of the “sundayscaries” I could try ?

Thanks in advance, hopefully the upcoming week goes great for you!

I’ve got the Sunday blues and I don’t know why... #Depression #WeekendFeels

Oh no. Am I getting worse again?
Am I able to make it stop?
Will I feel better after another treatment?
Will mom drive my car home?
What do I pack?
What's the weather going to be like?
Will my brother act like an adult?
Why am I so good at procrastinating?
When will I stop hurting?
Will I ever stop wondering?
When will I have time for the treadmill?
What's a good sci-fi movie for it?
What flavor is that spaghetti?
Yep. It's yucky spaghetti. It makes my body feel wary and tense.
Ooh! Will I be able to get a massage soon??

#Depression #Anxiety #ketamine #Travel #brokenheart #timemanagement #selfcare