uni

I can’t remember how exactly it was phrased (and I can’t even find it now), but the other day I saw a post on Instagram about being disabled and it was something along the lines of disability is society’s fault. I am aware looking back on it now that it’s probably more focused around more visible disabilities - for example, it’s difficult to get a job if you can’t get to the interview because there isn’t a lift and you’re in a wheelchair or can’t use stairs. However, the post really annoyed me, and the reason it annoyed me was because I’d just had an exam in college that went insanely badly. That sounds really superficial until I tell you the reason it went so badly was that I didn’t get to sleep til midnight and I overdressed because it’s been really cold up here and messing with my EDS and then I’m pretty sure I had a combination of PoTS and an anxiety flare so I literally froze up and couldn’t play. I have never felt so disabled in my life and it only got worse when I got my feedback back and found out I got the lowest mark out of all the violists in college, including the person who barely practised, when I know that on a good day I’m better than at least three of them. I know 100% I’m better than that and it’s really hard to get over because although I know it doesn’t define me as a person, I got that bad grade because of my disabilities and conditions.
It’s very hard to explain this to your average healthy person because if you say “I got this grade because of my disability” they automatically assume that it is the responsibility of the person grading you. When I say this, what I really mean is “I could not perform my best because my body let me down”. The same thing applies when I get locked out of my debit card because my brain swears the PIN is x and its actually y or go to the grocery store and forget the main thing I came to the store for, every single time, or submit an awful essay awful which I would not have put in had I not been sick and too stressed out to proof read (it was a group essay and obviously we put it in the day before the deadline). In my view, when you put the blame on society for disability, especially disabilities that are complex and affect much more than the thing they are known for, you are effectively saying that the only reason people can’t do things is because society isn’t allowing them to, which belittles the impact disabilities have on our lives. If I’m having trouble functioning today, it’s not because society isn’t letting me function. Yes some elements of society can make it easier for me to function, for example those badges you can get in England asking for a seat, but ultimately it’s because my body is not working the way it should and I think it would be much easier for us to function successfully if more people understood this.
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #ChronicPain #tryingmybest #uni #Anxiety

I’m living my life too scared. I’m meant to be returning to uni after taking some time off due to mental health struggles and I’m scared, I’m scared il be on my own and I’m scared of failing again, I’m scared of having to deal with mental health on my own with no family around me to help. I’m scared of walking out the house alone as anxiety consumes me. I’m scared that one day Il wake up and be so consumed by a depressive day I won’t go to uni, I’m scared I won’t manage on my own 😭 what do I do? at this rate I won’t go, it’s almost asif I’m scared to live my life incase it goes all wrong #BPD #Anxiety #Depression #uni #Life #scared #BorderlineStigma

I’ve been really stuffing with my mental health of late and had began to self harm again for the first time in a year.
I started university in bath this September. I find it very hard to come out of my shell due to my anxiety. long story sort, I manged to make some close friends who I planned to live with next year.
last night they sat me down in the kitchen and told me that they feel like they didn’t know me anymore and didn’t want to live with me next year. i explained to them that it was due to my mental illness. they said they didn’t want to sign into a year long contact on a house with somebody who “might not get better”. have essentially never felt so alone in my whole life. they were pretty much my only friends here and now I’m living away from home everything’s seems worse. any advice from anybody with a similar experience? many thanks #Selfharm #University #friendships

I stopped counting yesterday after I got to about seven subluxes (I think) in four hours just between my two shoulders. I don't know how many other EDSers have, but that is one helluva lot for me.
Between that, my back and uni deadlines (group essays are the absolute worst, especially when you're supposed to be understanding for the two people who've done nothing because one was busy and one was sick, while I've been busy and sick, and have done the most work out of the five of us because Sod's law if I leave it last minute I will have a huge stay in bed all day flare) I'm attempting to do stuff other than eat all the chocolate I have in the flat. Kinda feels like my body's starting to fall apart while my mind just wants to do more and more... (like one of those Windows updates you don't get a notification about but if you don't do it soon enough the computer slows down and stops working until you do it)
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Subluxations   #ChronicPain  #CheckInWithMe  #DistractMe #uni

Cons of going away to uni: you have to do your own laundry
Pros of going away to uni: you can just chuck all your clean socks and pyjamas in a drawer without pairing or folding them properly :)
Got back yesterday to uni from going home for the week (loved not having to do dishes or think about food very much) so unpacking today... This just makes me smile.
#ChronicPain #smile #ChronicIllness  #EhlersDanlosSyndrome  #movingout #wegotthis #uni

After careful deliberation, I’ve decided to take a semester off. My depression had gotten so bad that I was no able to will myself to complete anything related to my subject. My therapist wrote me a letter to help me withdraw and told me that I had Major Depressive Disorder. I knew I had depression but I didn’t think it was major or anything.

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #uni #Guilty

We’re at separate unis, see each other for three days every two weeks, message every day and talk on the phone twice a week, but whenever he tells me he’s going on a night out or something of the like I worry way too much that something bad will happen to him and am often unable to sleep until he tells me he’s back safe.