whatdoidonow

I ended up getting the apology from my mom’s husband for being exposed to his addiction among other things, and with all honesty, it didn’t hit me in a way that I thought it would. I had been wanting this for so long, and now that I got it, I’m unfazed by it. Perhaps it might be because I had gotten help to navigate through the past. Maybe it might be the fact that I was looking for that to be the thing to give me some form of freedom… but I already had that the whole time. I didn’t need his acknowledgment in the end because so much has happened and I’ve gotten this far without it. It’s a weird thing, really. I should be happy, but my inner self is really saying,” What am I supposed to do with this?” Not in an angry way, but because I’m confused. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #movingforward #whatdoidonow

So yesterday I got drunk with a straight female friend.
She is always joking that she wants me to go down on her (even when she is sober) as she knows I'm bi-sexual..

She is my only female friend in this city (as I had to flee my home city and start over) well it's complex because I do think she is attractive but I value her more as a friend than I would like to be her 'experiment'

I'm 33 have Always been bi-sexual yet I've only slept with 3 women and most have them weren't really that into women.. I really would love to experience being with a woman who is actually into women!!

I got raped 8 months ago and haven't wanted sexual contact since (with anyone!)
I'm only just starting to feel attracted to people again..
I still don't feel safe with new men and don't know if I will be able to again!

So last night when we were drinking my straight friend kissed me, I kissed her back. It was intense, she pulled away when she started to feel something.

She has admitted that she fell in love with her best female friend when she was a teenager..
so maybe she is bi-sexual but has just never been with a woman?
Or maybe it's that same thing again and I'm going to start to develop feelings for a straight woman..
or worse we will sleep together and it will ruin our friendship!
I don't know what to do??

#LBGTQ2S #LBGT #MightyQuestions #Anxiety #kissedafriend #confused #Friends #whatdoidonow #feelings

I have ran out of my Xanax 2mg early because of all of this covid 19, my mom has underlying conditions and lives in Alaska and I have a two year old daughter who i practically take care of on my own because my significant other is different. I’m very dependent on Medication, and I don’t want to be looked at like a crazy pill popper. I’m not. This is the first time it’s happened and I don’t know what to do #Anxiety #ranout #whatdoidonow

I have ran out of my Xanax 2mg early because of all of this covid 19, my mom has underlying conditions and lives in Alaska and I have a two year old daughter who i practically take care of on my own because my significant other is different. I’m very dependent on Medication, and I don’t want to be looked at like a crazy pill popper. I’m not. This is the first time it’s happened and I don’t know what to do #Anxiety #ranout #whatdoidonow

I just started grad school not even 2 weeks ago and I’m already feeling overwhelmed. I work full time too and now I’m taking 3 classes. I’m wondering if I made the right decision. I moved to a new area for this. I’m not even sure if I like the subject matter anymore. There are times where I do assignments for one of my classes and wonder to myself if it’s really worth it and if I even like it. Idk what else I’d do. I’ve struggled my whole life to figure out what I want to do with my life and thought I settled on something. Why can’t I just stay settled on something? I’m stressed already.

I’m willing to give it time but if this masters program isn’t for me, idk what I’d do. The job I do have, I don’t like, and I do not what I want to do it long term. My family is so excited for me because I’m the first in the fam to do grad school. I don’t want to let them down. On top of that, I also have never felt more alone. Doing this all on my own and no friends yet... I was depressed before but I might be even more now...I don’t know what to do with myself. I wish I could take a break from my mind

#Depression #whatdoidonow #SuicidalThoughts

I have this friend, we use to work together but now due to how our schedules are set up we pretty much just email one another now. It feels like a joke on what we use to have. And honestly I feel like emailing back and forth is just prolonging The inevitable. How do I nicely tell them our friendship isn’t working? #Friends #Hurtinginside #Advice

So today at Physical therapy during my assessment I was told CBT would help me tromendously *insert MAJOR eye roll*, this happened after she saw my BP go to “stroke zone”. It has done this which is why I keep saying I can’t just have POTS clearly more is to the story I believe.
She continued to tell me how I internally talked myself into my episode. I would of believed her but What she was saying was nothing I felt about the situation at all, just her assessment of me and it was completely false.

#whatdoidonow #POTS #Dysautonomia

What’s on my mind? Thats a million dollar question. I haven’t posted in a while because I don’t even know how to put into words what’s happening to me and how I feel. It’s been nearly 2 years since I’ve been away from my abusers. and recently I had no choice but to reach out to my mother to make sure my nieces and nephews are safe from the fires in Australia.
These kids are innocent but there parents were literally watching the backyard be on fire with there kids there and a meth lab to just laugh it off and leave it.
Long story short my mum was high (as usual) and had no grasp of what was happening and she put me on to my worst nightmare, the guy who made my life a living hell from the age of 6 and before that. my dad..... I haven’t spoken to him since the night I ran away from home and he dislocated my shoulder causing an pitched nerve.
I got threw it and haven’t really processed it nor have I yet I just don’t know how to do this whole thing, my body realises I think because I’ve been shaking uncontrollably for no reason (which happens sometimes) and I’ve been feeling sick to my stomach any advice? I really really need it . #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChildAbuse #notokay

I deal with depression, anxiety and being highly sensitive. Sometimes I find it so hard to figure out which is the biggest culprit of my current mood.

I feel like right now it's the highly sensitive part because I am in a relationship with a very negative and self centered man. He used to be great at listening to me and trying to understand me. After 22 months together, and being in couples councelling because of his lack of self control when it comes to needing women's attention, he's just stopped even trying to understand me even when I flat out explain to him what my issue is. I literally clearly e plain what I'm emotional about and he immediately says he doesn't know why I'm emotional. In councelling, it's all about HIS problems and he says I am not letting him talk when I try to explain MY feelings. I'm so frustrated in my relationship. I'm to the point where I'm seriously questioning if I can marry him and do this for the rest of my life. 90% of the time when he opens his mouth, negativity comes out. There are times when I have to ask him to stop b*itching because its affecting my mood.

These days I am so much more easily taking on other people's emotions.
my highly sensitive piece is EXTREMELY strong right now and its driving me crazy. I am not liking this side of me. I can't deal with anything anymore.
#hatebeinghighlysensitive #Relationshipproblems #multiplementalhealthissues #whatdoidonow #gmentallytired

www.wdtn.com/news/local-news/dayton-healthcare-facility-fear...

Found out this morning that this building, where my family doctor, rheumatologist and podiatrist all reside....is closing
#whatdoidonow