I know the answer but it doesn’t help me feel better. I had a best friend , we were alike but also so different and we got along so well. It was like I’d found a soulmate but in a platonic friendship. I was Christina and she was Meredith.
A year ago she started seeing a coworker in her department (I also work there) and everything changed. This guy is married on paper, has a young son and basically the last year as been them on/off for a few weeks at a time and slowly she started destroying every friendship, burning every bridge until it was just me and another mutual friend. Right before thanksgiving I’d had enough, just enough of the lies and the manipulations and the constant pity party she perpetually lives in. She has pretty bad anxiety, and I do too but I always had worse depression. I’m an addict (clean 8 years) and all I saw from her was an addiction, not to a substance but this guy.
She started being depressed and got into therapy but she can’t seem to get over this guy. Toward the end she always told me “just ask me, don’t ask other people, I’ll tell you the truth”. So I did one day and she lied right to my face. Funny thing is, all parties involved have PUBLIC social media so I put 2 and 2 together. I called her out and she gave me this sorry, not sorry crap of “I was going to tell you, but I heard you talking to someone about me so I didn’t think it was worth it”.
I’m imperfect , I shouldn’t have talked to someone else about it, and I admitted to it. But I just got so tired of arguing, I just said I’m done. I’m done hurting, I’m done wondering if you’re lying to me, I’m done being guarded against you. I’m done.
But, I miss my friend. It was like a gift finally finding a good friend who had demons like me and understood them. This whole year, I’ve had some gnarly stress, anxiety and then I get depressed and then I feel numb. My other best friends, I love them dearly ❤️ and they do their best to support me and also my boyfriend, but they’ll admit they don’t understand and just make sure I’m ok. I’m hurting because I can’t just text her or send her a funny meme I know she would love. I won’t though, I cut her out for a reason and I’ll stick to it and eventually I’ll feel better.
I just needed to vent, it hurts and I’ve just felt so anxious and down and like I can’t take a deep breath. The only time I feel better is when I hear about something she did and I get angry all over again and then I’m clear, at least until I’m calm again.
#Anxiety #Depression #Hurtinginside #Recovery #lost #Friendship