betrayed

So it finally just hit me like a tonne of bricks and has suck I’m that I will NEVER BE HIS PRIORITY!
His cars and every other cunt out there are his priorities. I’ve been by his side for 30 fucking years and I still can’t be said to be a priority.
He can plan a weekend away (and take annual leave) in the drop of a hat but can’t organise or get leave to take me on a fucking weekend away. NEVER EVER EVER🤬😭😭
I’ve just realised that it’s never gonna change so why the fuck I even here?! I don’t want my kids having a broken home. I love him so so fucking much!😭😭
WHY THE FUCK CANT I BE HIS PRIORITY!!!! God damn even just one time. We’ve been one time and only bc I PAID FOR IT ALL!!
He only agreed to come bc I told him I’d go without him. Basically he went out of obligation….not bc he wanted to be with me. Fuck I just want a few days; is that too much to fucking ask😩😭.
He’s left me behind all these years and goes and does whatever the fuck he wants but can’t commit to a few days away with me….ME the stupid cunt that’s had his back and loved, cared and looked after him for all these years. Now the kids are grown id always thought that this was when I’d get MY TIME with HIM!
I’ve literally waited all these years believing that when the kids were grown I’d finally have my time with him. Well it turns out I’m just a dumb cunt bc I’ve been waiting for absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
I literally can’t put into words how sad this has made me and honestly if it’s not gonna happen now then I need to have a serious think about a lot of things. I’m so fucking hurt I feel destroyed and hopeless.
I’m fucking heartbroken

I'm feeling rather let down and ignored in some places recently. It appears to me that when people just have something wrong with them.

I'm also feeling let down by the mighty group in general. I feel like I'm being ignored and let down in places. People will just join and get florets of messages and love, but when people actually talk on this it's like nothing is actually going in.

It's just another social media where people can talk about their problems and not be ignored. Well thanks mighty. I thought you were different.
This really use to help me, but now I feel like no one can help me.
#depresssd as fuck #invisible #shove your hashtags up your ass.

Growing up the hardest thing for me was accepting that I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough to make you want to win the battle of addiction.

I wasn’t enough for you to choose me and that’s something that will hurt me forever. Now that I’m grown I’ve come to understand that Drugs are like a chaotic vortex that sucks in the vulnerable and the helpless and unfortunately mum that person was you.

You allowed yourself to become captive in its grasp and allowed it to consume you and subsequently ruined many lives in the process.

Being the child of an addict bares its own consequences, the emotional turmoil I’ve faced from the lies and deception from you mum should be enough to make me hate you forever but you are my creator, for that I am thankful and I can’t take that away from you.

I am your daughter, your little girl and yet you can lie so easily to my face, time after time you betray me and crush the last remaining bits of trust I have left and then expect me to be waiting for you with open arms.

Mum I’m lost. I try to remind myself that these are the actions of an ill and addicted mind but ultimately YOU chose this path. No one forced a pipe into your mouth and that’s something I struggle to get my head around. If your 3 heartbroken children isn’t enough to make you stop then what will? At this rate it will be death.

Mum why wasn’t I enough? :(
#Addiction #Addict #childofanaddict #MentalHealth #BPD #betrayed #Drugs #help #alone #drugaddiction #HeroinAddiction

I have been dealing with a lot of stress and depression, trying to make things right where I went wrong, and now i find out my roommate didn't pay the rent and we could be evicted! What else could go wrong?