#Anxiety #Agoraphobia #Abuse #Brainzaps
#CPTSD #ChronicPain #ChronicHeadaches #Depression #dissociativedisorders #Disability #DomesticAbuse #Emetophobia #EmotionalAbuse #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #PanicAttacks #PsychologicalAbuse #Seizures #Selfharm #SuicidalThoughts #SexualAssault
At this #time last year I started having high pitched noises in my ears, my skull felt tingly and hot like it was #onfire , and #Brainzaps in my head and neck, and feeling like electricity was going down my spine. I thought I was #Crazy because no one can hear, feel or see what was happening and debilitating #mylife . 2 MRI's done on 12/27/19 I get the call from my neurologist. No pinched nerve, no m.s. Two #brainanurisyms . Both need surgery. I ask my neurosurgeon if the symptoms I've been having aren't anurisym related then #wtf is it?? #anxiety #stressresponsemode #fightorflight
3/6/20 I had a full #Crainiotomy afraid to touch my head or look at myself or ask for help. My first surgery in my life was #BrainSurgery . The photo here is Miracle who stood by me, or pulled me, so I'd #NeverGiveUp . Second surgery was 7/23/20. Anxiety #savedmylife even though it was due to working non-stop as a counselor with #peoplewhousedrugs and training thousands on how to #savealife from #opioidoverdose with #Naloxone but I never took time to care for me, I gave it away. My anxiety is better, still sucks daily but not like before. Except for today, it was a replay of #Healing and of #hurting . #Miracle , once again pulled me through, and I didn't fight her.
I fought anxiety. And won.
Due to my #Mania being the worst its ever been. I go through 3 doctors in as many months. Finally we decide to stop the #cymbalta. I wasn’t even taking it very long, and as I tapered I felt no withdrawal symptoms at all. Taking the last dose I thought I lucked out. But then suddenly the worst #Anxiety I’ve ever had. The next afternoon sitting at my desk at work. crippling anxiety turning to #panic. Closed the door sobbing like a child. My boss knocks and sees I’m a mess and closes the door. So much for keeping that away from work. I’m having all of the worst symptoms.
I’m fighting with many of my closest friends. The anxiety, #Depression, horrible #Brainzaps make it hard to concentrate or drive. Not to mention the weird dreams, #Nightmares, and repetitive uncharacteristic thoughts that haunt me and make me scared to be alone.
If I knew it was like this I never would have started. All it did was make everything worse. Saying I’m so tired of this medication merry-go-round, doesn’t begin cover how I feel about the more then monthly med checks for over 15 years that lead nowhere. Ugh!!!
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