depress

I have been deprived of love all my life then i found a guy who loved me so much and he showed me what a green healthy relationtion looks like everything was fine and one day he left bcz he just thought that he was controlling and toxic and he doesnt wana impose certain things on me like losing my male friends deactivating my socials cuz he was too possesive and also he was sole earner of his family so he was financially stressed out but after 10 days he came back saying he cant live without me and after 4 days he left again saying he had too much on his plate he cant deal with a relation right now i left him for his sake he also used things like religion and haram stuff cuz im a muslim but i still dont know i was a 10 with him we both treated each other well and i just cant forget what we had i see him on twtr he seems happy and i am not the same i cry have anger issues all of a sudden im losing interst i dont wanna talk to any more new people sometimes i crave attention make me wana become a playgirl but that not me i still feel used and a girl who can be passed time with cuz thats what him leaving made me feel
#needhelp #depress #anger

I think I'm getting better. I'm trying to get better but the overwhelming and ludicrous thoughts are still here. I usually tell myself to shut up. I'm trying to figure a way of how I can ask my parents for therapy. And I might have a psychotic problem. :) #depress

I have had surgery for my right ovarian cyst near the end May did not expect to come of surgery and suffer catatonia from general anesthesia. I ended up in a catatonic state after surgery after anaesthesia and was moved by ambulance from the private hospital where I had my surgery to a public hospital ICU for three days and then to neurology ward where I had lost the use of my right side. I woke up not able to use my right side and lost all of my independence that day when I woke up. I was diagnosed with FND and eventually told there was nothing could do and sent me home on a stretcher after weeks in hospital via medical ambulance transport. Now home I m so depressed because before all of this I had my independence even though I was limping to get around but now my right side is useless and I have to relearn everything. I feel like a burden to everyone cause need their help. I need rehab but it is not possible right now cause of really strict lockdown where I live and support cannot even come to my house to give me support. I m trying not to give up. Can anyone talk with me? #NeedSupport #depress

Been using noom to help find a better way to lose weight (because diabetes and heart disease.) It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy and designed to help you challenge unhealthy thoughts and habits so you can sustain weight loss by changing your relationship to food, movement, and replacing old habits with positive sustainable habits. However, today's lesson had to do with choosing a friend to be accountable to. It asked me to pause and reflect on things. I don't like to do that because the contents of my head can be scary and dark...lots of spaces like that inside. Due to my own issues, among other things, my life has been very lonely and isolated. I didn't and still don't connect with people because if I can't stand to me around me sometimes (less now than in the past) how can I ask someone, anyone to be my friend. Honestly I don't have any friends. Want to be held and take a nap. Don't have anyone (other than my therapist) to talk to and no one who really knows me. Don't want to whine..which is exactly what this sounds like to me. Sorry.

My 1st day of the new year has me feeling worried about the thing i don't know, feeling down all day, tired, soulless and sleep all day long. I video call my parents and feel a little comfort by seeing them. At least i know they are happy and i can be happy for that