hard

First DBT session done. This one was about mindfulness.
I’m going to practice all week like I was told but man it’s harder then you think.
My mind is wired to go a million thoughts a minute so this is definitely going to take practice.

#hard #practice #Mindfulness #DBT #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

I had an absolutely horrible day. Problem #1 it started at 4am
2. At 8am sonny boy used the bathroom- the entire bathroom the toilet, floor, walls bathroom tissue box, step stool for an epic bowel movement (poop storm) I had heard the toilet flush... I didn’t see the problem till after his bed, and more were totally disgusting it took well over an hour to clean the mess
3. Hubby was away (unavoidably) for the weekend
4. This ONLY happens when school is closed... so thank you to the nameless, faceless policy makers who think bars are essential but special Ed schools are not
5. My MIL called to find out how I am and I sobbed and sobbed and I feel so dumb

#Encourageme #givemestrength #hard day #dysregulation #Caregiving

I’ve had RSD for 15 years. my body is going. at 42 it has now started going to my organs. my bladder, heart, intestines. over the last two years I am declining and my mood is discouraged about the future. what will go next? I have 4 new doctor appts this month. this is getting so overwhelming.

#ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome

All I have to say here is that I’m tired of the life I live and I guess unfortunate things are just channeled to me and I just don’t know honestly: what have I done ? Sometimes I think I’m just a terrible person but is that really it? Some other times I feel like I’m too nice and people take me for granted. I’m so convinced that the latter is the case. I also come off as playful and happy to people and then they think I’m excited inside and it’s oo hard that I can’t stop smiling. I actually have no friends in my environment. I hate that I live in an environment where I have to associate. I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one cares to know how I feel so most times I swallow my sadness. And it’s really hard. IT FEELS LIKE I AM REGURGITATING MY FEELINGS. I keep trying to push it in but it comes back to me. So sometimes , I Just try to tell myself to be positive and it works for a while . Sometimes, it JUst won’t. I AM LITERALLY ON MY OWN. It’s so hard and everything is. I just don’t know. I’m confused. I have been keeping to myself for over a year and it’s hard. #Life #Depression I can’t do it anymore. It makes me weak in the morning at work because I can’t sleep in peace. I wake up with fear and anxiety. I can’t even sleep well because anxiety wakes me up. When I attempt to talk to people, it seems like I’m disturbing or complicating my situation. They try to belittle my feelings and try to give me reason why my sadness is invalid. And in fact, I AM TIRED. I want to RUN AWAY. I have not considered commuting suicide but I understand that it’s HARDDDD.