Disappointments

First day of work, was excited and proud of myself. Everything was perfect, I had been planning it for two weeks so nothing could go wrong. Right? Well.. I guess my mental health had other plans for me.. I'm on the other side of what I would call a crawl in a hole attack (panic of being alone but being a disappointment to those around you), which gets severe enough for an ER trip normally.. thank goodness for Mobile Crisis Lines.. I guess my PTSD and anxiety wasn't ready.. I have another job (different) lined up so I don't feel too bad but.. I let everyone down on what was supposed to be the best day ever because my stupid head couldn't handle being alone.. (The work I would have done would have been in a client's home, 1-1 care).. #Anxiety #PTSD #Disappointments #lost #dontknowwhattodo

I was recently selected to be an editor of a professional newsletter. I’m disabled and mostly homebound, so I was initially excited for a volunteer opportunity that I could do at home. However, I’ve been so, so very sick lately that I have barely been out of bed. I have chronic illnesses and am concerned that I may not be able to keep up with the workload. I may have to turn down the position. #ChronicIllness #Disappointments

How do you deal that painful feeling when no one cares or give a damn about your birthday even they know?! Celebrating alone, crying alone is such a drama. How to ignore this kind of painful situation?.

I looked in the mirror this morning and I hated what I saw. My dad keeps telling me how grows I look even if Ihad just taken a shower or had just brushed my hair. I think my face is to narrow and my nose is to red. I hate myself more than I am ready to share. my hair is to week and brake to easily. So, because I hate myself, I make sure that I give all my love to everyone else. and if I don’t, I hate myself more. So this morning, last minute, I decided to take a shower to make dad happy. and when I say last minute, I mean last minute. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning (as always) so I got up ten minutes before we had to leave for school (as always). I took a shower and got downstairs with my stuff. He didn’t notice anything and since I was behind him walking out of the door, not in front, he yelled at me for being slow and reminded me how I was the worst because I couldn’t do this and that like my perfect step siblings. so, despite my effort, he’s still disappointed in me. and I still hate myself. (as always). I looked in the mirror again not to long ago. my hair was frizzy and out of place and my nose was reader than normal. Is this what dad meant by “gross”? even after the shower this morning, I still have this ugly monster to look at in the mirror EVERY DAY. Today goes to prove that no matter what, I will always be an ugly, gross, disappointment. #Disappointments #ugly

I'm part of a pretty large choir in my state and have been for a very long time. I invited two friends who are both musically inclined both of which had shown interest in going and both of which were dating and had been for a while to go to our concert. Everything was set up and they were going to go. The concert is today and I woke up this morning to a text telling me that they broke up last night. I was very confused because I had been with them last night and they were the same as ever. The text said that they had been trying to decide if they should get married and they believe that they shouldn't. It sounds like this was a mutual decision and they ended on good terms but now the one who sent me the text isn't coming to the concert. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding but they broke up the night before the concert. They couldn't wait one day! I've been planning on both of them being there for months and I still really wish they would both go even just as friends. I know this is selfish thinking on my part but these kinds of things seem to happen to me all the time and I was hoping just once everything would go right. I'm feeling very hurt. I'm trying not to let it get to me because I still have to get ready and do this concert but that's proving very difficult. All I really want to do is curl up in my bed and forget I even have any friends, they only ever seem to disappoint me. How do I deal with the things that I'm feeling and how do I move past my own anger to be supportive of these people? #hurtfeelings #hurt #Disappointments #Breakups #Friends #help #Tryingtobestrong #Depression

After two MRI’s arthrogram with contrast, multiple blood tests and two ultrasounds. I’m left with no answers yet again. Another Specialist Dr who said they can’t help me to add to the long list. I’m so exhausted from all the constant appointments and no answers, disappointment after disappointment.
I asked to go see a rhemautologist as I have high inflammatory marks and some other issues from my blood tests. Also I may meet some criteria for autoimmune disorders but can’t get into see anyone until March 2020. So I wait yet again...
I don’t know if I can live like this for much longer the pain is unbearable. My mental health is so incredibly low at the moment, I don’t even wanna leave my bed, I don’t see the point?
#ChronicPain #Depression #Disappointments #MentalHealth #autoimmune ?

#Life #Anxiety #Depression #goals #Disappointments