disassociation

So it’s one in the morning, I’m in too much pain to sleep, and now I’m overthinking. It just hit me that not only can I die at any time, but next week my friends and the people I grew up with will be graduating and I won’t be up there with them. Because I had to drop out, take a year off, fail. I know I made this choice last summer and I was upset about it, about the fact I wouldn’t get a prom or a diploma, but God, it just hit me. I’m barely functioning, my parents think I’m not trying enough and my friends are all being successful and travelling for college or moving out or getting better jobs and I can’t even remember to eat on time! I can’t work! I can’t take care of myself! And oh my god, am I failure?
#Epilepsy #Sudep #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #LivingWithPOTS #ChronicIllness #TheDisabledLife #Depression #severeanxiety #Insomnia #MentalHealth #disassociation #Schizophrenia

I’ve been cycling through #PanicAttacks attacks, #disassociation , and exhaustion for about a week. I haven’t used any unhealthy coping mechanisms but have tried to breathe through them. (I have previously been diagnosed with #CPTSD .)

I feel like I’m remembering A LOT but it starts out horrifying and confusing then, when the adrenaline passes, I kind of try to put everything in order. I feel like I can tell when the right memory clicks into the right place and once I have a more coherent picture, it doesn’t seem to change.

Could these be delusions or hallucinations? Or is that the denial talking? Is recovering memories this way even real?

Honestly, I don’t want to believe what I’m seeing/feeling/hearing when they come in unexpectedly. Still, I’m more afraid that something is wrong with my brain so trauma in the past would be preferable. I feel I’m in a good place in my life to try and deal with this.

(I do have an appointment to see a therapist. Just reaching out until then.)

Any input is appreciated!
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

Lasting Bruxism from Fluoxetine, 4 years down the line, I take no medication & still grind my teeth all night, when I am anxious, subconsciously during the day & when I disassociate, has anyone been able to stop this? #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bruxism #disassociation #Fluoxetine

Was talking to my therapist about my tattoos and I dont remember my first one really hurting and she said " you might not have really been there". It was weird to think about a memory I had that might have been different than how I remember having it.