donefighting

I forgot how to spell the city that I was born in. I remember a time that I used to be so smart, usually I’d be the smartest in any room I’d walk into. Not anymore. Even making phone calls are tough because I always lose my focus. Too many concussions, I’m finding that I am getting so emotional. From mad to sad. Angry. I’m convinced I have CTE. The only thing in my “death note” is that I want my brain tested.

So many health problems that I’ve basically given up. How many different doctors and specialists do I have to go to before the frustration of no one being able to help me sets in? I’ve seen them all. Second opinions for most as well.

Exhausted all the time, it’s a struggle to get out of bed. When I “try” to sleep I struggle. Inevitably I crash for an hour or two a couple times a day when I’m not really trying.

I feel so lonely and alone. I cry everyday. I lay in bed waiting to crash and hoping I don’t ever wake up. I haven’t seen my friends (the two who still pretend to be my friend) in over 2 years now. Covid is a lame excuse at this point.

I take 14 different pills a day and I’m still miserable. Back, neck, knee, and nerve pain shooting down my legs. Frequent headaches. Double vision. Confused often. Depression. Anxiety. Broken.

I often laugh that I’d never kill myself because I’d f- - - it up somehow and just be in even worse shape.

I have a dog that’s 16 years old. I get no joy anymore, and take care of her under obligation. I am kinda expecting that my body will fail once and for all when she’s gone. I won’t have any reason to get out of bed once she passes.

#ChronicPain #TraumaticBrainInjury #TBI #CTE #Neuropathy #Nervedamage #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #donefighting #Insomnia

Can you medicate me?

Can you feel my pulse?

I am too far to find me

I am too numb to feel these broken bones

Staring from the outside

All your ignorance

Makes it hard to see

Beneath my skin I fight a war within

I fight a war within

If these scars could speak

You would hear my hell

And all the lies I use to save myself

If these scars could speak

You would know my pain

And all the demons hiding in my rage

If these scars could speak

All the stigma feeding

It sucks the life from me

Now I'm suffocating

All your expectations drowning me

Walls are closing in now

How will I survive?

Is it really over?

Tell me, will I make it through the night?

Will I make it through the night?

Can you hear them

Will you listen?

Can you hear them

Inside of my head...?

I fight a war within

Will I make it through the night?
#Depression #FeelngAlone #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #donefighting #sickandtired #PTSD #Anxiety #Nofightleft #deadinside #DontFeelAlive #TheseThoughtsWontLetMeSleep #WillThisPainEverEnd

I have diabetes, fibromyalgia anxiety and depression and every single day I feel unwell and sore, I’ve been fighting for so long to keep powering through, everyone says you have good days and bad days I have no good days, I don’t remember the last time I woke up feeling okay and I’ve just got no energy left to keep fighting anymore, I really don’t want to be here.

My friend told me yesterday that we can’t be friends anymore because of our past (which was she knew about my self harm and depression and stuff). And she said we were never really friends and that she never liked me but she was too scared to tell me in case I did something ‘stupid’ and now the reason I use to wake up and carry on living for is all a lie. Everything’s a lie and I don’t get the point of living anymore. And what’s even worse is she’s going on exchange so she just tells me this and leaves and she just said to me move on like it’s no biggie. It’s just I don’t understand why she would hurt me and now her friends are getting involved but they don’t know the truth between what happened with us. I’m just so over everything .#Depression #friendproblems #Selfharm #donefighting

Please, Mighty Family, I need ways to stay busy so I can stop obsessing over ending my life. Like, I’ve got ZERO fight left in me. Today was a really bad day. Actually things have been pretty bad for a while, but today I sat down and wrote a #Suicide note to my family. I need help. I don’t see my therapist again until July and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I journal, but that hasn’t been helping, it just makes me feel more like a loser. The thing is, I don’t want to end my life, but my mind keeps telling me “do it, that’s the only way to escape this pain you feel. You’ll never get out of this #Depression ! You’ll always live with #Anxiety !” I feel so alone and lonely. Even when I’m around family members I feel alone. #CheckInWithMe #helpme Going to a hospital isn’t an option; I just need an activity to do or a movie to watch or some good music to listen to in the car. I don’t want to be home alone with my thoughts!

I’ve been getting a lot better for a while but I feel like in the past few weeks I have fallen back down the hole and lost years of progress. Today is particularly bad. I really need help.

I always think to myself what’s the point of life or what’s the point of trying when nothings gonna change its hard watching life go by without a smile on your face i know everybody has Trials and tribulations but no everybody is going through depression or thinking about how to end their life i just need friends to talk to on a daily basis that have the same issues every day

Thanks and who knows maybe ill meet the one who knows
Gabriella