endowarrior

Healing the Write Way what I mean here is well healing takes time and this does not mean I am 100% healed but it sure does mean that I am closer than I was in 2020. Forgiveness does not mean reconnection and it is truly a step by step process...learning the art of forgiveness was a baby step process and may not be for everyone.

I have learned that for me I have to write about what has hurt me or the hurt I have caused others and face it..I don't recommend writing for all this is my method to cope. I have learned in my journey with therapy since I was 19 years old that I am a writer by nature have been that way since I learned to write. I have learned my emotions are tied to my handwriting too and well as of recently my emotions are tied to my typing as well.

My journey of healing and growth has brought me so much peace starting with what I worry about is levels below what it used to be and how it affects me. I am about to turn 36 years old and this fact excites to see what else may unfold. Life is a rollercoaster and I get to choose how I react to it. My anxiety, my endometriosis, and my complex PTSD are ways I have learned deep compassion for myself and others that for me are no longer weaknesses but sources of strength. I enjoy life in a way that I did not enjoy life in 2020. I figure if I can get to this place so can you and if you are not there..be patient with yourself remind yourself this horrible moment is temporary not permanent. #endowarrior #CPTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #makeadifferencewhereIamat #healingisfulltime

I am having a horrid week and weekend. I took 2 daya off of work because I had 5 migraines in 7 days and then startedy cycle and I was having so much bl. Loss that I was getting dizzy. Today I was so dizzy that I was shaking, pale, and my heart was racing. The pain was so bad that I started dry heaving. I eventually was able to take a 2 hour nap. I haven't gotten back out of bed because I am just miserable.

I had a procedure a couple weeks ago that was supposed to help my pain levels and it did not help. I had to stop my meds before this surgery so now I am working back up to my doses again. I also had to increase my migraine prevention meds this weekend because I was getting 15-18 migraines every month. I don't know if it was all of these things that led to such a horrid day but I am emotionally spent. I just want to sit and cry. I feel so useless and worthleas to absolutely everyone. I am trying really hard to stay positive but I am losing steam. I feel like I don't have anyone left to talk to or that I. Just annoying everyone. I just am a failure.

• Yoga for pain relief. Before Endo, I would dream of being consistent with yoga, but I would never buckle down and actually do it. Now, I am excited to do it every single day because it helps relieve so much pain and really helps me stretch out my stiff muscles.
• A bedtime routine. I have tried for years to be consistent in a bedtime routine. Starting at a set time, doing the same things nightly and really trying to pack in the self care. I watched YouTube videos of bedtime routines and dreamed for the self discipline to start something like that and continue it. However, I could never stick to a regimen consistently. Until I started having so much pain, then I didn’t have a choice. Now my bedtime routine is a pretty strict regimen.
o I typically will take a hot bath with Epsom salts and bubbles and candles and all. Sometimes, I will do a face mask as well. After my bath, I douse myself in Lazarus Naturals CBD lotion. This stuff is hands down the best, helps with pain and inflammation. I then get on some comfy jammies, turn my bed down, turn on my heating pad and electric blanket and get my essential oil diffuser going. Eventually, after I’ve taken all my medicines for the night, I get under my covers and will typically watch something on tv for a bit. I know they say the blue light is bad for sleep, but I cant fall asleep without cartoons playing.
• Drinking water. This one is seriously no joke. My body is so sensitive to any level of dehydration, and when I’m in any sort of pain, dehydration will make it a million times worse.
• Eating fruits and veggies. I’ve been really trying to focus on nutrition and how nutrition can really help the body in a lot of ways your don’t really think about.
#endowarrior #Endo #ChronicPain

I’m starting to think I have endometriosis for various reasons. Can anyone tell me what it is like, your symptoms, etc? Thanks! #EndometriosisAwarenessMonth #endowarrior #Endo

So lately I haven't had many green to yellow days as I would say. The days where I feel like I'm on top of the world and can do a lot. I am super blessed, like Lord jesus I am so blessed and highly favored I have been able to work during COVID, but my job has actually gotten more difficult and demanding. Also by working from home I tend to work more than when I'm in my office. But I digress.

My body has taken a beaten and with the transition through everything, including seasons, I just feel awful these days. Big picture my meds and treatments are working but I also know I could be better if I actually rested more. But it's hard because I am my sole caretaker and have no help. But I feel guilty some days that I need pain meds to get up some mornings because I tossed and turned all night thus aggravating my arthritis and muscular pain or that I have days I just can't move because I feel awful. Or I feel so sick to my stomach I can't leave my bathroom. I also feel guilty that I still have to miss events sometimes because my body and the outdoors just don't mix.

I also have been pushing myself extra because my dad had major surgery and had complications and almost died and my mom needed help and my siblings weren't stepping up so I have been driving 2 hours to my hometown and 2 hours back several times a week and well I'm feeling it.

I guess I'm just not granting myself grace for feeling bad or needing some respite. I thought this long weekend would be enough but I was wrong. I see I needed more but i feel guilty for needing it. Do any of you ever feel that way? I normally am great at self care and taking respite but lately I just have been struggling and struggling with the fact that I've been feeling like trash. Summer doesn't always bring joy and better days. Like everytime I step out of my house the heat and sun just make me feel worse. I blow up like a balloon and my joints are on FIRE! So I've been avoiding the outside like the plague. Le sigh, just needed to vent. And do it to people who may understand.

#chronicallyillandstrong #endowarrior #autoimmunelife #ChronicPain #ChronicMigraines #Lupus #Gastroparesis #CKD #Asthma