Today marks the first anniversary of the death of my brother. It is also my dog's 2nd birthday. I miss my brother yet I am so happy my dog Hans came into my life. When my brother first passed, I was in such denial that I didn't even shed a tear for several months. I actually didn't believe that he was actually dead. I still doubt sometimes even though I saw him, touched him, read the death certificate and the entire autopsy report. I suppose my mind is trying to protect me. Every time I feel sad because my brother is gone or feel bad because I wasn't able to mourn as I thought I should, Hans does something goofy. His personality actually reminds me of my brother. He's a constant reminder to me that life does go on and even though I've lost a lot, there are many reasons to keep going. Today I resolve that I will do my best to focus my attention on good while still acknowledging my losses. I believe that it can be accomplished. If I am going to give more power to one emotion over the other. Happiness should be more powerful than sadness. I pray that I am able to remember that. #generalanxietydisorder, #Depression , #ChronicMigraineSyndrome , #OccipitalNeuralgia , #Fibromyalgia , #Gastroparesis , #Diabeticpolyneuropathy , #PrinzmetalsAngina ,#Asthma ,#HeartAttack , #diplopia
It's difficult to see who is friend and who is trying to scam you.
This is an apology to the person that I wrongfully assumed was trying to scam me.
I'm sorry, I really, really am. I jumped to the wrong conclusions about your intentions, and I hope you can forgive me for this.
On my behalf though, I get so many messages from people with bad intentions that I wrongfully assumed yours were.
I'm sorry 😞 and hope you forgive me.
Iwas raped a lot in my childhood.
I hate pedophiles.
Someone I love is a pedophile.
I don't do double standards.
My uncle just had a serious heart attack & I don't know what to think. Other than the hugely annoying fact that he's over 300 miles away. It would take me 5hrs to get there by train.
I'm completely knackered if I've been on the train 15 minutes, so he might as well be on a different planet to me. Ugh.
#Disability #ChronicIllness #heart #HeartAttack
I'm hoping this isn't a stupid question, but curiosity is my middle name.
I have a lot of back problems and get an MRI every year to check how fast the deterioration is progressing, and one question has always come to mind.
Wouldn't an MRI, performed while standing upright, be more accurate than while laying down and relaxed? Wouldn't it show more accurately how much compression that the disc's are going through? I don't claim to be a scientist or anything, but it makes sense to me.
I feel like this comes from many different parts of society. Doctors want to hear that either you are doing great or that you are feeling sick. There’s never an in between and when there is, it is almost as if they can’t comprehend that. You must be faking being ill or faking being well. I know from my personal experience lately since my open heart surgery last fall I’ve been in between. I know I’m doing so much better than before but I’m also not great. And that is hard for people to grasp.
#CongenitalHeartDefectDisease #HeartDisease #CongenitalHeartBlock #HypoplasticRightHeartSyndrome #HypoplasticLeftHeartSyndrome #TranspositionOfTheGreatArteries #CongenitallyCorrectedTranspositionOfTheGreatArteries #HeartConditions #HeartAttack #ChronicIllness #Disability #TetralogyOfFallot #adultchdwarriors
As I posted a couple months back, I recently started work in medical research at a public university (which shall remain unnamed). Thanks to #COVID19 , the university laid off all student medical researchers, a move which we are calling....questionable...for one of the country's top virology research labs. It's supposed to be our badge of honor that my university was the first to virtually model the protein structure of Ebola virus. But now the research labs are empty and the campus is evacuated.
I'm going to be honest, I haven't worked with active viral strains in almost two years. My research project was in pharmacokinetics--which is the study of how drugs are transported throughout the body. I've been laid off without my last paycheck. All projects which aren't related to #COVID19 have been shut down.
My overdose research team stayed on the lab bench until the 11th hour, trying to force some kind of meaningful data out of the experimental models we had already started. But we didn't have the time. It's all garbage. At least one of my teammates was forced to return to his home country in Columbia and the project is officially dead. Everything has ground to a halt. My #HeartAttack design team is still hoping we can piece an algorithm together online, or a physical model if we start up again in August. Patents seem like a laughable dream right now. Fortunately our online meetings for that one aren't completely screwed, because there are no flights back to Lebanon and my teammates are stranded in the same time zone as me.
I was supposed to start a Research and Development internship this summer, but I expect to be let go from that any day now. Goodness knows, the last thing we ought to be doing is BUILDING HOSPITAL INFRASTRUCTURE.
I guess that's why we're all so frustrated. Medical schools and nursing programs are graduating people early because they need people on the floor. Meanwhile, engineers and scientists are sitting at home, watching the news, and having irritable thoughts like: "If I can build an ECG machine by hand, I bet I could build a respirator." "It's the same design principle as an #HIV test. I've run a dozen HIV tests. This shouldn't be taking longer than an hour."
Then, there's the moment of fear, where I try to remind myself that I'm a few months shy of graduation. I'm just a research assistant. I probably can't actually do all the things I want to think I can do. I'm actually a relatively useless human being, and even if I could go back into the lab, I might not be brave enough to do it.
But I'm also frustrated with inaction on the part of people who definitely CAN help. One of my professors has developed an at-home, 30 minute #COVID19 test strip, but she can't mass produce it because she's waiting on research grants. Right now, we just sit at home crunching data from "virtual trials" because she can't go into human or animal trials without government approval.