I wonder about this a lot. I haven't ever been a very religious person. I do believe there is a God. I wasn't ever brought up in a church, noone ever talked to me about anything religious or spiritual. I sorta developed my own connection with a higher power. I pray, and lots of times after I pray I do feel a sense of relief. I get these cold chills, and just feel like everything is going to be ok. I feel heard. Sometimes I get signs, atleast I think they're signs. I feel very intuned with the world. I feel like I pick up on different energies they may still be lingering here that have passed on. I definitely feel like there are sprits on earth. I feel Iike I've got some things figured out but there's a lot of missing pieces. I can't figure out if I fear death, or if I long for it. Some days I fear it, some days I get a little excited because I believe death isn't the end. I like to believe there's some form of heaven.. I don't know if it's the same for everyone or not. I believe that if your intentions are good, and you're a good person with their heart in the right place, that whatever happens in this next life perhaps will be good to you. I don't know. I been thinking about death a lot lately. A woman I worked with whom my boyfriend still works with just very unexpectedly lost her husband to a heart attack on memorial day. Everything was fine. They had just bought a lake house the weekend of. They had been there celebrating and having a good time, they went to Lowes on their way back home and when they got home he had a heart attack and passed away. It was a tragedy, and has me in my head. I also think about the reality of life and how many people I've lost and how painful that was, and how the unfortunate truth is that I'm going to loose more people I love. I think about this a lot at night time, and make myself sick. Sometimes I want to pass away first before anyone else I love because I don't know if I can take it. I guess we never think we can until we don't have a choice. Death is a very mysterious thing, and sometimes I obsess over it. I just want to hear your thoughts. Maybe someone has a different perspective on things and can enlighten me. Some days I have a stronger faith than other days. Some times I feel like I've figured it out and I know for sure what's going down after we pass, other times it just trips me out and gives me panic attacks. I hope to see my loved ones after I go. I hope once I pass it all makes sense and I see things in a greater light and I realize that I never truly lost anyone who passed away. I hope that the pain I've felt on this earth is just one big joke and when I get up to where I'm going, I laugh and sigh in relief. I wish I knew for sure . I feel like if I could overcome this strange fear of dying and death then maybe I could live my life better. I'm just crazy. Lol. But I wanted to document this. Just to see what other people have to say. #Death #Anxiety #Afterlife #heaven #Grief
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