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    A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

    Hello my friends. Yes... It is me again.

    Today i had quit my job that I was hired at about a week ago. I barely could make it through my day yesterday evening. It was quite awful because of the fact that I had stayed late, and did not get to go to sleep until closer to midnight. I struggled because I had to take #Medicine for my #Insomnia . I know how much I have been struggling for years with this disorder. The job started out kind of fun, but was lacking proper training. I realized that most employees were new, and kind of just thrown into the mix of store operations. One of the managers had a #personality clash with me. She came off very harsh, and snippy which made me so #nervous . I was #Crying about it, and could not seem to get myself out of that #worry .

    I read somewhere that those who have #BipolarDisorder also have a connection with #Insomnia . Some may have reason to believe that it has to deal with a wandering mind due to a hypomanic episode. Yet, I think they fail to understand that it is not always the reason why.

    I have a serious case of #DeathAnxiety that does not seem to go away. It has gotten better since my father had passed away, as I feel a little more comfortable with the facts that this happens to us all. However, I am still struggling. Each day that passes is another day completed of my life and I do not know when God will call me home. There is this weird feeling that I get in my chest that creates this #Weird thought process. I feel this hallowed out sensation in my chest, and I also experience a feeling like I need to whine or cry or yell "I do not want to die." Sometimes I call out for my #Dad who is no longer with me. Therefore, I noiced I have reached out to my #mom a whole lot. I #cherish the time that I have to live.

    If you have made it this far through this message, I thank you.
    I really would love a #reply .

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    A Family Gathering

    Hello Everyone.

    This is my #Family in which we celebrate my father's life. Behind my brother in the center of the photo is a silver toaster. One day, my Dad, brother and I went to Cracker Barrel. My Dad brought his toaster and when no one was looking, he put this antique toaster up on the mantle. Each time we visited, we laughed at the toaster still being there. We had to get a photo by it. This was a very happy celebration at Cracker Barrel in which we knew we had to take a picture. I was so #thankful to have spent time with my family. Sometimes we have to stop and remember to smile even when we are all mourning. We remember that my #Dad loved us and would have been right there in the photo with us. The toaster says all the memories of times we ate and pointed at it and laughed.

    Thank you All for listening.

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    Missing my Dad

    What do I do when I feel like a piece of me died with him? I miss my #Dad more than anything. I am #hesrtbroken and thinking about the days he and I went to #MagicKingdom together and all the #DisneyWorld magic that we had in our hearts. This lives on with me.

    I miss you Dad..

    #Brokenhearted
    #sad
    #imissmydad
    #Mourning
    #Grief
    #Parentloss
    #Florida
    #Death
    #stayingstrong

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    My dad#Dad #Depression #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #Worried

    I’m going to my dads tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I hate going. He doesn’t help me whatsoever and all he does is ask if I’m on my period or why I’m being mardy or grumpy or moody. Sometimes I wanna scream in his face and tell him I’m just struggling. He sent me a message saying I need to put more effort in when I go round there as I come off as rude. But what if getting out of bed is my effort, what if having a shower for him is my effort, what if just simply wearing clean clothes is my effort. He doesn’t understand even though I’ve told him. He just guilt trips me about not going round as much. He hates my style too, I’m not allowed to wear too much makeup because it’s “inappropriate” or I can’t have too many piercings in because it “doesn’t look right”. He’s always constantly telling me to grow my hair out and get it back to it’s normal colour and wear dresses and skirts. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a dad. My mum gets upset when I just say he has another daughter. I see why. I feel like my dad doesn’t love me and he always makes me cry even when he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. I wish he could just love me like he loves his wife, I wish he could look at me the same way he does my little half sister. I wish I wasn’t the freak that visits every now and then. I feel so unloved and the overwhelming anxiety and uncomfort and stress and agonising depression I get when I go round there is so hard to bottle up and just “make an effort”. I’m trying. I’m really really trying. I’m so so tired and drained and fed up. He doesn’t believe I have autism either or anxiety and he barely believes my depression, he only believes it because he has to keep my meds away from me when I go there. At my mums I feel comfortable and safe and she doesn’t shout and it’s not loud or overcrowded with people. She doesn’t make me eat anything I don’t want to, as long as I’ve eaten something she doesn’t mind. I can have a messy room at my mums because I just can’t keep it clean and I’m too drained to even clean it. But when I go to dads I have to be perfect. I have to have washed hair, clean clothes, smelling nice and fresh, brushed teeth, brushed and styled hair. I’m sorry this is so long to whoever reads this far, I’m just so tired. I wish he knew how hard I try.

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    D for Dreams…. Its OK to be Me !! #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #EAD #dreams #Dad

    Dear buddies , as you all know about the prevelance of D’s by now.

    A decade back i wasnt the same , i was active but not hyper , dreamy but not confused, fighter but not with issues and #selfmotivated but not tired.

    In 2009 got campus placed with an Indian MNC , being one of the 8 selected out of 500 others possessing same qualification and degree was quite an achievement and i wasnt with issues at all.

    It was #ok to be #ME then and its #ok to be #ME now . People need to understand the terms #MDD |#Depression #Anxiety #ADHD and not say we understand without understanding……

    I m an H4 visa holder in USA , ppl who know about it understand its a curse. I am waiting for my #EAD hahhaa ther’s again a D.

    See ,I am running 37 and still dream to be working and being independent on the personal front . Cheers to being motivated!!

    Dear D’s try hard to pull me down , i fall … i sleep … i get tired but I ALWAYS GET UP !! Woohooo ….

    Luv !!

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    Introduction of myself

    Hi, my name is Danielle Spaar and I am a caregiver to my dad who has this disease. It’s hard to watch a very in charge, independent, stubborn man get taken away from this disease. I am determined to be positive though, throughout this process. Making the most of memories we are making.the picture I used is a mud race we did a few years ago. He is my hero.#Dad #AlzheimersDisease #Dementia #Caregiving

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    loosing my father. #ChronicObstructivePulmonaryDisease #Dad

    my father passed away whenever i was twelve years old, about to be 13. he passed two months before my 13th birthday. it was extremely hard and i just do not understand why this happened still, as it has been a few years. i just don’t understand. :( it still hurts everyday and im bipolar so i have mania and that sometimes tends to make me think about him. i also have anxiety and he was my everything so it hurts in public when i see things that remind me of him. anyways um just wanted to say if anyone has problems with their parent who they lost, let me know. i would very much like to listen.

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    #artfulashes #seattle #imodad #Grief #LossOfAParent #ALSLouGehrigsDisease #Insomnia #Anxiety #Dad

    So grateful my family found Artful Ashes in Seattle, WA. They created such beautiful art in memory of my father to ensure he is with us for all celebrations and holidays and shared the experience with us in photos and videos. So beautiful and difficult at the same time. I wish he was here instead 💛

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    Overcome with grief today

    My Dad has been gone for a little more than a month now. I literally don’t remember the first two weeks after he passed, so for me it feels like it happened a couple of weeks ago. Today’s been SO hard....well every day has been hard. Today is just the first one I’ve wanted to post about it. I can hardly bear that he’s not here. It’s so painful to not see him in the house anymore. I keep thinking about him sitting in his wheelchair watching his shows, and how good he was doing before the stroke. Then I think of the last four months he was here, and how it was like losing him in parts until his poor old body gave out. I am grateful to have gotten to care for him and spend time with him....I have good memories that I’ll hold onto forever. But I miss him so bad it literally hurts in my chest. I’ve been having long crying jags and holding tje shirt he was wearing the nights we held hands and fell asleep together. I still can’t believe he’s really gone. I so wish he hadn’t had to go through so much...seeing my big, strong Dad laying in adult diapers towards the just broke my heart. I keep wondering why he had to go through so much, and I guess I’ll never know. But if he had to, I’m glad that he was here.
    Today though, I keep thinking of him when he was younger, and his “Fred smile” (he had this grin that was off the charts cute), his blue eye dancing when I’d fly home and he’d pick me up at the airport, the stories hed tell me on the way to the farm, the way he grabbed me out of the blue at my sisters first wedding and danced with me, the way he looked at me when I was three and was my aunts flower girl (theres a great picture of his 34 year old handsome self reaching down to my little 3 year old self to pick me up and dance).....,just so many moments from so many years together that I can barely count them all. But I keep seeing him at all different periods of our lives, and cry like a baby to realize that he is gone.,,from my young Daddy to my elderly one, he’s truly gone. And I’ve never cried so much in my life.
    I’m grateful that I believe in the afterlife and I know we’ll be together again. No doubt about it. But while that knowledge makes my soul happy, my heart is broken and I think it’s going to take a long, long time for it to mend. If ever. Sigh...

    I miss you Daddy.

    #Grief #Bipolar #ADD #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigue #Dad #Depression #lost