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Post daughter BPD aswell...

I am so sad realizing my daughter has to suffer the same or even more than me. She is 12 years old now.
Is there any mumvor dad who is in similar situation? Its really hard to handle for me.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selfharm #BorderlineStigma #mum #Daughter #Dad

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Gateway to #heaven

There is a photo I took the other day from the car. I looked up and snapped the photo as we drove. I felt like it was as my husband called it "Is that the Gate to Heaven?"

I thought about #Grief and #Loss and how I #MISS my #Dad . It has not been an easy year. But 2023 looks a little more promising. It does not feel complete without my Father being around anymore. But, I know that I have many more things I need to do that I have to focus on.

I am #Trying to keep a #Job now that I have found one. I just started it and already my hours have been slashed. {Sigh} I don't know what to do. The hours are cut because the business is slow, and there is a desperate need for more students to come to the learning center for tutoring otherwise.. we may not have jobs much longer.

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January is 10 Days In!

Hello Everyone.
Welcome to another episode of #WhatOnEarthIsHappening ! 🤣

My emotions nose dived today like as if I was flying in an air plane circus show. #emotional time periods are not the best times, but they can be #Valuable when we have #Anxiety . I started to #think about all of these things that I have experienced so far since my father had died in March 2022.

When my #Dad passed away... I lost my favorite pain in the @$$. I was his favorite too. I #Love and #MISS my Dad so much. #Death is not an easy thing to #handle . But while I was #dealing with the #Lose of my Dad, I had them lost my job right after coming down with a terrible #illness .

It was a nightmare for me how I #lost my #Job and my #daddy all in such a short time span. I haven't found another job since because I have not mentally been #prepared for #MentalHealth is something that needed to be worked on as I am still #grieving over my father and my job.

So... Here I am... #RidingTheWaves that come in and out in my mind. Sometimes I just need to #RollWithIt and do what I need to do in the best way I can,.. even if it isn't my usual best. #Trying is better than #denying and #Procrastinating .

I must start small.
If I want a #Job ... I should try a small part time job somewhere. Maybe a retail job.. but.. even #Retail can be #stressful these days. It's getting #worse now that #AnxietyDisorder is getting stronger or more intense with me. But I will do my #best to #KeepWalking onward.

Do you have any words of encouragement for me?


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A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Hello my friends. Yes... It is me again.

Today i had quit my job that I was hired at about a week ago. I barely could make it through my day yesterday evening. It was quite awful because of the fact that I had stayed late, and did not get to go to sleep until closer to midnight. I struggled because I had to take #Medicine for my #Insomnia . I know how much I have been struggling for years with this disorder. The job started out kind of fun, but was lacking proper training. I realized that most employees were new, and kind of just thrown into the mix of store operations. One of the managers had a #personality clash with me. She came off very harsh, and snippy which made me so #nervous . I was #Crying about it, and could not seem to get myself out of that #worry .

I read somewhere that those who have #BipolarDisorder also have a connection with #Insomnia . Some may have reason to believe that it has to deal with a wandering mind due to a hypomanic episode. Yet, I think they fail to understand that it is not always the reason why.

I have a serious case of #DeathAnxiety that does not seem to go away. It has gotten better since my father had passed away, as I feel a little more comfortable with the facts that this happens to us all. However, I am still struggling. Each day that passes is another day completed of my life and I do not know when God will call me home. There is this weird feeling that I get in my chest that creates this #Weird thought process. I feel this hallowed out sensation in my chest, and I also experience a feeling like I need to whine or cry or yell "I do not want to die." Sometimes I call out for my #Dad who is no longer with me. Therefore, I noiced I have reached out to my #mom a whole lot. I #cherish the time that I have to live.

If you have made it this far through this message, I thank you.
I really would love a #reply .

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A Family Gathering

Hello Everyone.

This is my #Family in which we celebrate my father's life. Behind my brother in the center of the photo is a silver toaster. One day, my Dad, brother and I went to Cracker Barrel. My Dad brought his toaster and when no one was looking, he put this antique toaster up on the mantle. Each time we visited, we laughed at the toaster still being there. We had to get a photo by it. This was a very happy celebration at Cracker Barrel in which we knew we had to take a picture. I was so #thankful to have spent time with my family. Sometimes we have to stop and remember to smile even when we are all mourning. We remember that my #Dad loved us and would have been right there in the photo with us. The toaster says all the memories of times we ate and pointed at it and laughed.

Thank you All for listening.

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Missing my Dad

What do I do when I feel like a piece of me died with him? I miss my #Dad more than anything. I am #hesrtbroken and thinking about the days he and I went to #MagicKingdom together and all the #DisneyWorld magic that we had in our hearts. This lives on with me.

I miss you Dad..


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D for Dreams…. Its OK to be Me !! #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #EAD #dreams #Dad

Dear buddies , as you all know about the prevelance of D’s by now.

A decade back i wasnt the same , i was active but not hyper , dreamy but not confused, fighter but not with issues and #selfmotivated but not tired.

In 2009 got campus placed with an Indian MNC , being one of the 8 selected out of 500 others possessing same qualification and degree was quite an achievement and i wasnt with issues at all.

It was #ok to be #ME then and its #ok to be #ME now . People need to understand the terms #MDD |#Depression #Anxiety #ADHD and not say we understand without understanding……

I m an H4 visa holder in USA , ppl who know about it understand its a curse. I am waiting for my #EAD hahhaa ther’s again a D.

See ,I am running 37 and still dream to be working and being independent on the personal front . Cheers to being motivated!!

Dear D’s try hard to pull me down , i fall … i sleep … i get tired but I ALWAYS GET UP !! Woohooo ….

Luv !!


Introduction of myself

Hi, my name is Danielle Spaar and I am a caregiver to my dad who has this disease. It’s hard to watch a very in charge, independent, stubborn man get taken away from this disease. I am determined to be positive though, throughout this process. Making the most of memories we are making.the picture I used is a mud race we did a few years ago. He is my hero.#Dad #AlzheimersDisease #Dementia #Caregiving

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