This is really kicking me from behind this condition if it’s not one thing it’s another I’m afraid of all the time I can’t escape it’s like mirrors and smoke or a maze I’m stuck in I can’t see a way out it’s consuming me #HealthAnxiety #help #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #needsomeonetotalktoo
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6 comments
I don’t know how to feel again
My partner and I went out last night
First of all before even going out he had a bpd moment and shut me out
Still at his parents house so he was in his room and asked me to leave so I just waited in the kitchen
It’s very uncomfortable getting into arguments at my inlaws because when he needs space
I’m unsure where to go
I did come in the room to ask him if he still wanted to go out and he was sleeping
I assume we weren’t anymore
I was okay with that
But then he wakes up and tells me to finish getting ready
Then I ask him about rent and i tell him i have 800 so basically my half
He only sends me 600 so we’re missing almost 500
That day i tried to go to a consignment shop to sell some of my clothes
Because one thing about me
I really hate asking for money but sometimes i have to
I just try to avoid it
But i guess he spoke to his mom while i was getting ready about not being financially secure
The two of us
I hear his mom crying and my partner calls me into the kitchen
She says she wants to help us which is so sweet
My partner also tells me that him and I can move to his parents house and leave where we are living now
But obviously I’m not comfortable with that
I don’t even know where or what to do at my inlaws when my partner is split or arguing with me
Which is multiple times a day
I’ve always been moved out of my own family house since 2019 and my partner has never really lived outside of his family house
Maybe 6 months with an ex in 2023 and 5 months so far ish with me
So I’m very much used to my own space and not having to think about being considerate to anyone else in the house
Meaning family dynamics
Anyways we leave for this party and I ask him if he remembers the text conversation when he said he’ll have 900 for rent
He said yes
I said i budgeted to make sure I’d have the rest of what we would need for rent based off him saying what he’d been paying
He also makes a lot more money than me
I was told that was an irresponsible way for me to budget.
Eventually we make it to our friends house and it was really nice seeing them really nice being out with my partner
But throughout the night i’m noticing he’s making an inappropriate amount of comments and joking around and saying he’s single or just talking about exs and whatnot
We then go to a club
Something I was not even aware of
I don’t think either of us did
But it’s our friend’s birthday and we were all drunk and celebrating
At this club he keeps telling me he’s noticing attractive people checking him
Which is fine because it happens to me too but why are you constantly telling me
and in front of our friends our coupled up friends
It was embarrassing having them hear my partner talk about other attractive people
Like my friends are so in love it’s just eyes for each other
I am also like that
If you’re in a relationship with me it’s just you and me I don’t even have the thought to notice if I’m noticed
My attention is on my person and the vibes around
So I’m feeling pretty down
Self esteem is low
Anxiety about rent
Have to try to get through the day
Even though I so badly want to not be on earth
#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #20s #Anxiety #whatdoido #help #Relationships
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2 comments
hey everyone....rn im filled with suicidal thoughts once again cant understand how to overcome those memories which i dont deserve. even this thing has made my immune health weak....so i was that girl whom ever1 saw as a bully puppet, in the 12 yrs of my whole lyf where children play with their frnds celebrate their bdays with their frnds meanwhile me who've spent her whole lyf sitting by herself at the last desk just bcz nobody wanted to sit with me, my daily routine upto 12th was reached the classroom, sat ony my desk nd keeping a hope that sm1 will sit with me, but my mates would have already made plans to not to sith with me even if theres any emergency then they would put the bag b/w us so that they couldnt touched with me accidentally. nd at the lunch tym....ive eaten my breakfast by myself by looking out of the windows where my classmates play. and after 6hrs of crying internally in the skul when i came back home....the homies had such a beautiful rltn that ive never witnessed how it is feel to have those parents who love each other. till the nyt the whole house witnessed only rage,anger and crying voice as i m the youngest nd non manipulative person....so i was the target to beat the crap outta me as i wasnt an idle daughter who doesnt obey their narcissistic behaviour.
came to the clg....same thing happened here....as i live in the hostel so ive tried to be with every single person in a hope that sm1 will be my frnd but my luck had other plans haha. i didnt 9 this thing until 2nd yr that with whom im living.....they do backbiting passing racial slurs about me same as the skul as per my physique. im still a human how much can i pretend smtyms i cant ctrl my emotions nd starts weeping. then i met my bf....though he had similar childhood too so i thought that finally ive got sm1 bt silly me i 4got that every1 leaves me after 1 or less than 1 year lol.....our rltn was going healthy but since 2024, idk why bt he started being more bz as he is top notch businessman....even ive halt some events just to be with him but its been 11 months now i cant beg anymore abt sm1s attention or tym.....as couples spend tym with each other nd its a common thing ryt, meanwhile i would have to say multiple tyms literally like come come or else im coming to u blah blah but upto when.....even last month ive cried like a mad for the first tym in front of him bt i think he didnt care abt that situation like why did i cry.....is it bcz i wanted a quality tym with him? is it wrong? my colleagues r so much selfish that they literally live on their money not on their parents.....nd i didnt do this lowly thing with him. but ig todays boys love a girl with slefish nature who will destroy them......
so on the day of breakup i was soo fed up to beg abt the tym so what i did was i just copied nd pasted his dialogue on him that im bz i cant be with u.....if it was other way around then i would ask literally infinte tyms as i was always do....bt wht i get in response was OKAY BYE!
i mean what.....ive literally did every single thing to be with him meanwhile he literally didnt ask me why or why not i mean when ppl do this to me its okay for them bt when i did the same......im a bad person? im bad bcz i want every1s well being? or bcz i want sm attention that i didnt get? wht i know is....im too a human not an animal🥲 #help #Trauma
15 reactions •
5 comments
hey everyone....rn im filled with suicidal thoughts once again cant understand how to overcome those memories which i dont deserve. even this thing has made my immune health weak....so i was that girl whom ever1 saw as a bully puppet, in the 12 yrs of my whole lyf where children play with their frnds celebrate their bdays with their frnds meanwhile me who've spent her whole lyf sitting by herself at the last desk just bcz nobody wanted to sit with me, my daily routine upto 12th was reached the classroom, sat ony my desk nd keeping a hope that sm1 will sit with me, but my mates would have already made plans to not to sith with me even if theres any emergency then they would put the bag b/w us so that they couldnt touched with me accidentally. nd at the lunch tym....ive eaten my breakfast by myself by looking out of the windows where my classmates play. and after 6hrs of crying internally in the skul when i came back home....the homies had such a beautiful rltn that ive never witnessed how it is feel to have those parents who love each other. till the nyt the whole house witnessed only rage,anger and crying voice as i m the youngest nd non manipulative person....so i was the target to beat the crap outta me as i wasnt an idle daughter who doesnt obey their narcissistic behaviour.
came to the clg....same thing happened here....as i live in the hostel so ive tried to be with every single person in a hope that sm1 will be my frnd but my luck had other plans haha. i didnt 9 this thing until 2nd yr that with whom im living.....they do backbiting passing racial slurs about me same as the skul as per my physique. im still a human how much can i pretend smtyms i cant ctrl my emotions nd starts weeping. then i met my bf....though he had similar childhood too so i thought that finally ive got sm1 bt silly me i 4got that every1 leaves me after 1 or less than 1 year lol.....our rltn was going healthy but since 2024, idk why bt he started being more bz as he is top notch businessman....even ive halt some events just to be with him but its been 11 months now i cant beg anymore abt sm1s attention or tym.....as couples spend tym with each other nd its a common thing ryt, meanwhile i would have to say multiple tyms literally like come come or else im coming to u blah blah but upto when.....even last month ive cried like a mad for the first tym in front of him bt i think he didnt care abt that situation like why did i cry.....is it bcz i wanted a quality tym with him? is it wrong? my colleagues r so much selfish that they literally live on their money not on their parents.....nd i didnt do this lowly thing with him. but ig todays boys love a girl with slefish nature who will destroy them......
so on the day of breakup i was soo fed up to beg abt the tym so what i did was i just copied nd pasted his dialogue on him that im bz i cant be with u.....if it was other way around then i would ask literally infinte tyms as i was always do....bt wht i get in response was OKAY BYE!
i mean what.....ive literally did every single thing to be with him meanwhile he literally didnt ask me why or why not i mean when ppl do this to me its okay for them bt when i did the same......im a bad person? im bad bcz i want every1s well being? or bcz i want sm attention that i didnt get? wht i know is....im too a human not an animal🥲
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4 comments
Can anyone help with the process of loosing your FP? I have finally split enough on my partner that he is leaving me. And I know he needs to but I feel like I am dying. I used to be a strong independent woman but after he moved in I progressively made this person my entire world. It has been 6 years of essentially verbal abusing him and I only recently discovered why. I didn't know about FPs and I didn't know about splitting. Now that I do know and I am seeking help, it is too late. He has already decided its not worth staying to work through. That kills me. The fact that he is leaving with all the scars I've made fills me with so much regret I feel like my body is going to explode. He has quit his job and will be moving 16 hours away in less than a week but I need help to get through the week. It is happening and there is nothing I can do or say to stop him.
I have been told that the future is a future my BPD mind has made up and that I'm just loosing an idea that my brain created. That isn't the truth though. I am actually loosing this person. He will not be here when I go to sleep or wake up or walk in the door after work anymore. There will be no more concerts or dinners. A scenario of the future may be gone but so is the actual person. I don't know how to handle this gracefully. Please help.
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2 comments
This is my first post in here. It’s going to be a long one. Hope someone reads it. I’m struggling right now. Bad. I’m at my wits end. With this disorder. With my others. With mental illness in general. With my psychiatrist. But I’m stuck. I have no insurance so I can’t find another one right now. Medicines aren’t working anymore and I was just put on a new one and taken right off after a month after having bad side effects. Still no resolve to my issues. Psychiatrist has no ideas about what to do next other than putting me BACK ON that medication but on half the dosage and hope I don’t have the same reaction. I’m so aggravated. I’m wanting to give up. I’ve tried almost all of the medicines. I also have Borderline, severe anxiety, PTSD and ADHD. Does anyone have any recommendations or encouragement? I’ve been wanting to try DBT handbooks but don’t know which ones are good. Does anyone know? Should I go a different route?
#BipolarDisorder #ADHD # hopeless #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #help
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15 comments
Do you know of anyone who has been falsely accused of abuse or neglect by CPS, had records falsified and your child taken illegally. It's called Medical kidnapping. It is real and is happening in our states. Imagine as a parent what your mental health State is when your child is missing. When you reach out for #help and your denied help. #MentalHealth matters but when the #Legal components don't align up those who are supposed to help, fail where do you turn to for help. Politicians have been contacted, Gov Wes Moore office notified. Brandi Stocksdale, Dept of Social Services refuses to investigate the case. #Anxiety, #Panic, #Pain, #emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows. We have to do better for our children. I am one #Voice amplified to help families find peace in their storm. Let me know if your a victim or know some one who has become a victim. Send a message with your state and brief message of your situation. YourBuzzinessIsMyBuzziness@yahoo.com#yourbuzzinessismybuzziness #oneisonetoomany #medicalkidnapping is a crime and talking about the subject helps parents and providers explore what their options are. Look forward to your stories of #Hope and #Healing
1 reaction 
Hello Everyone. The past two jobs I recently had are #gone now. I feel like I cannot keep a #Job more than 6 months to a year these days. I am #embarassed beyond belief. A lot of times these events that lead up to my #termination of employment are because of the stupid events that happen. These past two jobs and why I left were actually not my #fault this time. Well, maybe. One of them said I was unable to #learn the material in such a short amount of time. The other is that I was acting #emotional in the workplace. This time.. I wasn't!
Now... I am #struggling I could really use some #encouragement
Please #help me.
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“I wish people could understand that the brain is the most important organ of our body. Just because you can’t see mental illness like you could see a broken bone, doesn’t mean it’s not as detrimental or devastating to a family or an individual.”…. Demi Lovato
I personally always try to keep in mind, try to help, try to understand the problems faced by those who are fighting with mental health issues. l, myself, dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and depression so I can say that I understand these conditions better than other mental health issues.
I’m not debating here or exaggerating the fact which is worse mental health issues or physical health issues, but the ground reality, we all know that , stigma related to physical health issues is less than that related to mental illnesses.
Its my personal observation, experience and perspective that mostly family and friends avoid those who are dealing with mental illness, reason is ‘coz of stigma attached to it , that such people are always in negative zone and funny part is they think mental illness is contagious too. If they keep in touch with such people during their low levels, they get infected too, by negativity and toxicity.
Nobody wants that, though its not practically possible for anyone to be in zone full of positivity and optimism, but ‘coz being positive, optimistic are so much overrated concepts these days and yes, its part of social status too, the ‘in thing’ to talk/show in so called intellectual lobbies of society. But,everyone of YOU, who avoid us don’t know that ” We, who suffer from mental illness are stronger than you think. We fight to go to work, care for our families, be there for our friends and act ‘normal’ while battling unimaginable pain”.
Even in cases, where we are being neglected, leave us alone…most of us, are there for people around us ,’coz we believe that everyone is fighting their own battles, we respect it even if we are not able to understand it and above all, we know better than others that whether its being asked or not, we all need someone by our side. We believe its not okay to leave someone alone in their negative phase of life just ‘coz we want to safeguard our so called positivity!!
We don’t need much from you, What we need is your little understanding and acceptance that people dealing with mental health issues are not faking it, we have no intentions to drag you in our negativity or toxicity zone , we just need you by our side during our low phase, sometimes a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, hands who hold ours to give warmth, love, feeling and assurance that we are not alone. What we need is your empathy and not sympathy.
And in case, if you can’t do this much, its a humble request that, please leave from our lives, it will be less painful than the dealing with situations where you stay with us during positive times and vanish during low phases…. pratyaya singh#MentalHealth #Stigmas #Love #Acceptance #help #Anxiety #Beingalone #mentalwellbeing
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