IAmNotAlone

There are times when I can live in harmony with my anxiety. And those times are great, when I can “I see what you’re doing but hey that’s cool”

There are other time when it feels like an all out brawl, like I’m going through a boxing match just to drown out that voice. As much as I know what it’s telling me is wrong and unjustified I still can’t help but worry and get worked up.

It makes it very difficult for me to trust new people.....family...partners.

On the days it gets too much I don’t know how to deal with it;
I go silent or I stutter or I do this hand thing where I tap my fingers to my thumb. And those close to me notice and ask what’s wrong?.....It’s on these days I don’t know how to get past this voice....the voice reminding me how easy I am to crush, the voice that tells me I’m not worthy of love.

So I’m trying this new thing where I face this and get it out.....I have people that I care so much about and I don’t want to let this push them away like those in the past......it’s time for Round 2.....and I’m determined to face this head on.

#SelfCareChallenge #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #IAmNotAlone #52SmallThings #Depression #emdr #encouragementiswelcome

Life is overwhelming in more ways than one, it is stressing me out and draining.

Today, I'm hoping to focus on the small things in what I have already done and will be doing, to help myself. I have a small mental list of things I am working on and here's to finding ways to accept what I can do and allow myself for room to grow somehow in those I can't do.

How is it I feel alone in a crowded room. I feel alone just visiting my daughter and two Wonderful grandson's. If I'm home alone I feel even worse than around people, yet going out gives me severe anxiety attacks. I know I need to push myself hard, and just get up and get out. Small steps, can be huge progress! Trying to accept and forgive myself for this issue and work my way out of it as I can, without negative thoughts about my own progress! #lonely #alone #Depression #Anxiety #panic #reallife #MentalHealth #whyisitsoHARD ##IAmNotAlone #youarenotalone #MyChallenge2019 😃

Last night, I had to let go of myself. I would call that emotional turmoil's breakout. I felt to do what I always wanted. Just stop my suffering somehow.

I talked a friend, who triggered me, but it was good as I could understand what was happening around. #IAmNotAlone #iamborderline

I often feel overwhelmed, I 've manufactured in my being what I am supposes to be. I believe I am supposes to be a wife that gets everything right works keeps the house clean kids put together all in a days work when I feel I fall short someone in my family doesn't meat up to my expectations. my balloon deflates it literally takes my energy and joy. I do have some reaouraea I use them I have a network I use them I have a higher power I use it but it tales me a whole to surrender the madness I always feel like I am. The only one #IAmNotAlone

It was a little over 5 years ago.
It was someone I knew.
It was someone I trusted.
It was someone I was vulnerable with.
It was someone I thought saw me as a person.

It was almost 3 years ago.
It was someone who was my “best friend”.
It was someone who “loved” me.
It was someone who said “I need talk to someone”.
It was someone who I once told “I waited for you”.

On those two days they both managed to do what the other did.
They took my voice.
They took my pride.
They took my sense of safety.
They took away part of my life.

I have never spoken out about these incidents. I never pressed charges. I have held them in. I have pretended I was okay even when I wasn’t. I have lived with the trauma alone.

I am NOT alone. I know that now.

This is MY story and I’m allowed to choose when/how I tell it.

#Survivor #SexualAssaultSurvivors #AssaultSurvivors #IAmNotAlone #TraumaSurvivors #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Anxiety #MeToo