My Story, Life Traumas & Finding Myself #MyStoryMatters
I ended up moving out of my aunts within a couple of years, rebelling and doing my own thing. I lived with friends, in shared accommodation, half way houses and abandoned houses. I bought myself a car and lived out of that. I stayed anywhere I could really. I had a boyfriend a bit down the track. I stuck around through all this lies and bs. He abused drugs and definitely wasn’t a person I should’ve been hanging around with or trying to help. I was heading down the path everyone assumed I would by being with this person. I eventually left him because of the lies, drugs and the crime I ended up finding out he was doing. I stupidly enough ended up trying drugs myself soon after that and then became a pot head. I found marijuana helped calm my severe anxiety and overthinking. I longed for that kind of persona that people would describe me as ‘easy going’ & ‘relaxed’.
Life started to look up for me when I moved into my family friends home. I was still smoking pot, but I remember feeling the best I had felt in a long time. They loved me and didn’t judge me. Supported me in every way they could. I met a boy, he was a big time pot smoker. We fell in love, things were going so amazingly great. We became inseparable. I ended up moving in with him and his family. I later found out he was talking to other girls. I kept sticking around, allowing it to happen, over and over again. I was confused, I didn’t know what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t enough. It drove me to more anxiety and feeling worthless. Self doubt and not feeling good enough. I became raged all the time and hated the person I was becoming. Finally we went our seperate ways.
I lost a lot of self worth and confidence during those very crazy 3-4 years. I stuffed around a lot in hope of finding myself but that wasn’t happening either. I always had jobs but not a career. I didn’t feel I had a purpose. I felt lost for quite some time. I didn’t know what I wanted let alone even deserved. I was allowing people to take advantage of me in so many ways and didn’t acknowledge it at the time.
The next thing to come was the eye opener I needed!