moodswing

I don’t feel productive today, and I have to be because I have to finish my project until Wednesday. I’m self-sabotaging all the time and I’m tired of it. I want to cheer myself up and be grateful for all things I do. It’s just hard to believe in that deep in my heart.
Also my ex keeps texting me and I just want to hug him but at the same time I want to slap him. It’s raining and I can feel the crying sky in myself too.

#diary #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #moodswing #BPDDiagnosis #hypersensitive #Selftalk #Selfcare #Selfblame

Last weekend, I was feeling so low. I had suicidal thoughts, trauma flashbacks, crying bouts, fatigue, inability to start or complete tasks, etc. Then on Tuesdayy night, I stayed up until 4am for no reason, but I didn't feel tired at all. It was like a switch flipped.

All the things that had felt so impossible were suddenly great opportunities. I cleaned my house, went shopping, booked an appointment with a new service provider, and even gladly took on an extra shift at work to cover for a someone who was sick. I'm good with just 7-8 hours of sleep where I needed at least 12 hours of sleep a week ago.

Now that I'm in the middle of this, it suddenly feels very familiar. And I suddenly realized that I haven't had an upswing since I started taking anti-depressant medication last February. Part of why I wanted to get back on meds was so that I could have a more consistent mood - I guess I got a consistent low with less anxiety?

I don't even know what to think. Could I actually be bipolar? In order to talk to my doctor about it, I feel like I need to have absolutely 100% clear evidence and conclusions to present, because otherwise he'll just say, "Hmm. Ok." and then change the topic. Plus, my appointments are generally around only 5 minutes in length. Why do I have to be the doctor in this situation??

#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #moodswing #Doctor

I need help. I'm trying to get my mom to understand that I need a mood stabilizer (I'm 16). She won't listen to me and it makes things worse. I've been on 2 others and I think they worked really well. My therapist wasn't much help. She just told me to be honest with how I feel. How do I tell her that I think I need this right now and she needs to help me and be there for me with this?

#BipolarDisorder

#Depression

#moodswing

#Medication

There is this feeling I grow so fondly of
The feeling too familiar yet I still cannot explain
I feel the waves crashing down on my calm waters
The waves ripple through my mind ripping away my memories
rip Away my thoughts
I feel myself ripped away
But still I feel myself going nowhere
I feel the pull of this anger
This sadness
This raw emotion
But then it’s ripped away
I feel this wave ripping through my mind taking away my emotions
Who am I when I feel everything ripped from me
Who am I when I am numb
Who am I really

#numb #moodswing #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #whoami #Poetry #MightyPoets

#BPD #Anxiety #moodswing #Depression

When I woke up my mood is still okay.
When I reached the office I suddenly want to isolate myself, I lost interest on everything, my voice is almost a whisper, my actions became slow, I even force myself to do my job, my officemates are very worried, they said I look really sad and I dont talk to much, then I reach home after home I became okay again.. I was like that for 2 days..
After 2 days, I was smilling and I felt really happy, my mind is very active.. I can answer and change jokes with them, I become a sarcastic bitch again.. I get easily irritated but keep it on mind only.. I can move faster again, and they can already hear my voice clearly.. but when I got home from work I felt very tired and the very moment i entered our house i suddenlyy nagged to my younger brother with a higher voice but after a while I became calm again.. I was like that for 2 days again and that second day is today..
I dont know what will be my mood again tomorrow and the on coming days..

#moodchange #moodswing #Borderline #actingout #actingin #quietbpd #personality