MyAutismIsNotADisability

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Welp, this month’s been shit so far in terms of mood. I hope I don’t feel like wanting to fucking die again.

#Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #SuicidalThoughts

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You ever just wanna throw your hands in the air and say “fuck it all”? Well that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I feel like everything fucking sucks rn. America’s insane for having Trump TWICE (we could’ve have our second chance for a woman president BUT NOOOO, a Neo-Nazi got president again instead!), I’m so sick of everything being “AI”’d purely because of harmful shit like AI art for existing and not caring whether something labeled AI or not, CRYPTOCURRENCY LIKE BITCOIN IS HARMING THE FUCKING ENVIRONMENT, NFTS STEALS ART WITHOUT ARTISTS’ PERMISSIONS… I can go on. To the point where it’s becoming FUCKING UNAVOIDABLE like in Apple’s AppStore and of course there is ABSOLUTELY no way to turn these suggestions off, LIKE NO, STOP SUGGESTING ME AI ART GENERATORS AND CRYPTO!!!

I don’t fucking trust or like Microsoft or Google anymore because of the shit they’ve done (including AI art generators).

Still can’t even get a FUCKING DISABILITY PAYMENT after all of these FUCKING YEARS let alone get a lawyer because WE AREN’T RICH LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY BEING SOMEONE OF COLOR! Even then, I’m sick of having my autism being the reason, because it is NOT a disability/disorder, my anxiety and trauma disorder are the real disorders!! Next time, it will NOT be autism as A reason, but honestly I just want to say fuck this process in general because I’m so sick of it and possibly being misgendered all over again (I’m non-binary).

Many things I used to like/go to I cannot anymore because of the fucking inflation and higher/change of free plans (which I do understand that plenty of it is thanks to 2020 event and virus that shall not be named).

Things could’ve been better this decade, but NO. THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN FUCKING BETTER!!!

(Don’t call me human, I identify as something else non-pessimisticly and spiritually. Words relating to the 2020 event trigger me, like highly upset me and will bring up bad feelings. Thanks for understanding.)

#VentPost #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #angry #fedup #unfair #triggerwarning #venting #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #DoneWithEverything

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Triggers are real, and they are serious. Being “triggered” actually means that you’re having a very high level of stress, which can cause negative experiences like flashbacks, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, etc.

As someone who has many triggers, I’m so fucking sick and tired of running into YouTubers and many other individuals doing the “triggered” meme, it’s not funny, it shouldn’t even be a damn meme, it’s annoying and very misleading!! /vsrs /neg

If you can spread the word about this, that would be great, because I am so done with this BS.

#Vent #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #trigger #triggers #misrepresentation #AutismSpectrum

Why does the US government have to be so… ugh. My anxiety is a disability, and they don’t see it. Will I ever get my disability benefits? Should I just give up? This is the 3rd time, and I’m so freaking sick of having to explain to them that I’m non-binary for the 50th time. I poured all of my heart out about why I can’t work (reasons in the last post), and yet the judge has made the decision that it wasn’t enough and decided to take away the disability payments I was having for 3 months. My struggles aren’t enough. Would filing for another appeal for the 4th time be a waste of time at this point? Should I just give up? I’m so mad…

#hopeless #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #ICantWork #unfair #sad #mad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingUnseen

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

I hope this doesn’t come off as rude or anything writing this, I’m very sorry if this does, I’ll delete it if it does. I posted feedback to the app support about changing the tag/group from Autism Spectrum Disorder to just Autism as there are plenty of autistic individuals, including I, who feel uncomfortable with “disorder” or even worse “disability”. I don’t even use the popular Autism tag because of this. It’s been a week and no response, and I can’t help but get very anxious and worry that I’ll never get a response… I know it’s likely because they’re just busy, but my anxiety won’t shut up about this…

Edit: …You know what, I’m probably going to delete this post eventually, this feels so silly (in a bad way).

#Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #anxious

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I feel like I just want to give up, honestly. My anxiety won’t leave me alone. I had a meltdown yesterday morning and felt like crap about society all day. I need those meds again. I have an appointment today with that luckily, I need them as soon as possible. Otherwise, I don’t know if I can take this anymore. I’m so sick of this damn world. Things have never gotten better ever since AI and AI “art” or crypto was a trend. At the same time, what if I feel the same thing even with those meds? Is there a point in anything anymore?

Magnesium doesn’t work at all for sleep as I kept having stress dreams from my trauma almost every damn day. I’m so sick of this.

I’m so sick of dealing with this shit. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not welcome here in this damn world. Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off dead.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #neurodivergent #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #tired #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Trauma #Milddepression

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Either I want to be a kid/baby again or I want to be dead. That is the mood I’m feeling right now. I feel like I’m losing everything nostalgic to me and I just want to get away from this stressful life… I’m so sick of dealing with this fucking life.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #sad #OSTD #Trauma

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I’m still alive. I mentioned how I was considering suicide without a plan to my therapist and she called the crisis team and ended up staying at a hospital for 3-4 days (which I really didn’t like). No one, including my therapist, saw coming about having to stay as the crisis team told me that if I didn’t like it there, I could leave.

That was a lie by the crisis team, intentionally or not intentionally so. However, my Dad explained to me why they say that anyway - they don’t know the individuals they are helping and want to help them incase they don’t go, they might end up hurting themselves more instead of getting the help that they need. Even my dad agreed that it helps most individuals, and that’s awesome, but there’s always that small percentage that will not work for them, and that includes me.

I, including my dad, all of my partners, and very likely my therapist as well, was so pissed that I had to stay there since Tuesday, and I left yesterday afternoon. All I got out of staying there was more anxiety, being more triggered, and medication (which I do hope does something, at least). I’m so glad that I moved up to another unit the day before I was discharged because I kept getting triggered by other patients’ outbursts that were happening everyday.

I was already done with suicidal thoughts a few hours after I got there the first day. I even scratched myself the second day (not in a suicidal way) because of how pissed off I was for not getting to leave that day me and my Dad wanted to (not in front of anyone or any camera, luckily, because I would hate to have to stay there even longer). I was grieving the life I had and felt like everything’s been stripped away from me. I wanted to see my dad again. I wanted my clothes back. I wanted my phone back. I wanted my polyamorous wedding ring back.

My dad knows everything that goes on with me. He knows what specific treatment I should be getting when it comes to therapy, and I always like talking to him about whatever is going on with me. He is very caring and understanding.

That hospital had good intentions, though. I understand that they couldn’t really do much about it because of laws (besides the doctor I had there making me leave early instead of 5-7 days, thank goodness for that), so I don’t blame them. But never again. I’m so happy I’m back home, and I’m so happy to see my dad again!! 🫂

#MentalHealth #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #Hospital #feelingbetter