I am just saying “hi” and trying to surrender to my depression and history of being dependent on meds to just get through each day. I put my best game face on for my daughters sake ( I lost her for 2 years and it’s only been having her home that’s motivated me to fight my demons) but inside it’s always a fragile castle of cards ready to topple with the most minute obstacle or task… I’m looking now for a spiritual more holistic solution to my feelings of failure and despair…luckily a new MCO I joined through Medicaid has approved me to enter into treatment for 28 days. I was on MAT treatment for opioids almost a decade and not only become overwhelmed by depression and anxiety , but also stopped seeing the world in color or taking pleasure in any of the wonderful things we should be enjoying in life. The system wanted me to try new drugs or more drugs or this therapy or that. My diagnosis grew as did my inability to pay the bills or continue small daily tasks like working or getting the mail😵💫😵💫. I’ve been reading Ram Dass Abd joined his app through the Be Here Now organization (RamDass.org) and honestly it’s made more things start making sense and clicking in my brain then years of 12 step therapy, drug therapy, therapists in general lol. It’s mindfulness work and wisdom of the Eastern gurus and although I’ve never seen myself as the spiritual type, I really think it’s the solution that I’ve been seeking. I want to be a vessel of compassion and peace for my short time left in this life and maybe the pain of it all is bad and unavoidable but also temporary and I can see it, acknowledge it, learn something, and hopefully move past it to greener pastures. Love and peace to all suffering tonight. Maybe it is all just transitory and transforming and we will all wake up tomorrow or the next day and not have so much to struggle with… I’ll end with that🌺 #namaste