I recently got back into yoga after my favorite studio was forced to close during Covid.
I love yoga as it forces me to be present and in the moment. Having an anxious brain is very overwhelming so the practice of being present is very hard for me.
I’ve tried to describe it to my husband. My personal analogy likens it to living on a merry-go-round. Your mind is constantly busy, spinning, moving. You are here, the world is here, you are in it, but, for me, life is a series of moments where you consciously try to focus on what’s going on around you, but the merry-go-round keeps you spinning. You may stop and catch a solid glimpse here and there, but you are never 100% a part of anything.
This caused me to cry today, at the end of my yoga class, while still actually IN the class.
I realized that my anxiety has prevented me from being 100% engaged, present, participating, feeling, loving, caring. I feel robbed. I see my life behind me and I’m front of me and it’s all filled with glimpses, disconnected moments, and an overwhelming feeling of missed opportunities to really enjoy life. My life has turned into thousands upon thousands of hours spent being lost in my mind, lost on my merry-go-round. I feel disconnected with my family, friends, work, and worset of all my children. It saddens me deeply.
I will keep practicing yoga. And get back into meditation while I am at it. I will work on making a conscious choice to slow down this down ride in my head. To be present. To engage. I hope I can learn to be here, in this life, on this earth, and feel a sense of purpose instead of just feeling like I am hanging on for the ride. #Yoga #Meditation #Anxiety #Depression