familyissues

Hey there, I‘m 24 years old and I’m diagnosed with bpd.
So here’s the thing, when I lived at my moms house with her husband and my brother, it was the worst time after moving out of my dads house (yeah, relationships with my parents are kinda my thing).

I didn’t have the chance to express my feelings, I always had to explain myself and didn’t feel safe at all. She didn’t respect boundaries or asked why I react the way I do.

There was a time where I was addicted to alcohol (I’m sober for two years and will never go back) and drank two bottles of alcohol on a regular wednesday. All I remember is me crying and sobbing about my life and everything, but no one heard it. I stayed in my room until I had to vomit and needed my mother to help me (cause I wasn’t able to do that).
But instead of asking me what’s wrong or why I’m drinking, she just yelled at me.

Her father was an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I’m one too, right? A few months later my car almost broke and I decided that it was time to get a new car. So I made an appointment and took my girlfriend and my girlfriends mother with me.
Finally I had the guts to decide that I want this car at all cost.

And I worried and worried I’m till I felt sick. Yeah well, I told them and what could I say? They reacted the way I expected them to react.
Lots of yelling, telling me I could leave and that kind of shit. „How could you do this without asking us?!“
And I realized that I will never be happy or be myself around them.

It was the first time I did something on my own, and now I’m living in my own apartment and I’m SO GLAD.

After I moved in I continued talking to them.
But the criticism got too much for me, in her eyes I did and do everything wrong.

I already feel like a failure sometimes and I think it’s because of her treatment.
I’m also fairly convinced that she is a narcissist.

My brother still lives at her place, don’t know how he can handle it but I don’t care. She doesn’t treat him the way she does me. I’ve always been held to a different standard.

I have to live with the damage that my parents did to me and honestly it’s not easy, but then, no mental illness is easy.

So, do you regret cutting off contact?
#BPD #nocontact #Toxic #narcissist

So when I was 12 I finally told my mom her brother was sexually abusing me she has 10 brothers and 9 sisters and I out of that have lots of cousins and that's when my world really changed we went to court and her family decided to be on her brother's side and blamed me for putting him away and now I'm 27 and they all still treat me so badly ...I mean if I went to a family event I'd sit alone and not one person out of the huge family would talk to me ...sometimes I think I was just born to take all the bad stuff...nothing good happens he melosted me from 6 to 12 years old and then from that my mom's family turned on me and still do I now have a seizure disorder and suffer from anxiety and depression and ptsd and bpd and have attempted suicide many times and self harm I still struggle with all this and blame myself every day ...I just want a family that's loves and wants me even my mom and me aren't close ...maybe if I go away she will be happy but then I won't be yes I'm married...and I'm so grateful to my hubby ..why can't that feel the void ...what else do I require he loves me more than anyone ...why do I still feel empty ..any thoughts ???

Today I had to get firm with family members about the fact I don't want to talk about politics, religion or news. I feel like that may make me seem like I don't care what's going on in the world but it's making me feel utterly hopeless. I can't believe how much worse my mental health is since 2016. My husband is such a lovely guy but it's consuming him and makes him angry and bitter (not towards me) unfortunately I have to live with some of these other family members who have very opposing views and beliefs. I'm worn down and keep asking myself what's the point in living in a country like this. In a world like this. I just cannot take anymore. #Family #Politics #relgion #Hoplessness #SuicidalIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Insomnia #PTSD #Stress #familyissues

My mom is sick. She's currently in a rehab facility so they can help her get strong enough to walk again, etc. My mom and I don't have a good relationship, we never have. I was always closer to my dad but he passed about 3 years ago. When my mom got sick I kept telling her to go to the doctor. My siblings, KM and BD finally convinced my mom to go. They did an x-ray of her lungs and found she has pneumonia. They put her on another round of antibiotics. That week kept calling my mom to check up on her. On May 27th I called and she asked why I kept calling. I told her because I was worried and neeed to know if I should come over there. We live in different states. She said, "you better not come over here young lady!" That Sunday I get a call that the neighbor took mom to the hospital because she was having problems breathing. My sibling, KM wanted me to go over there. I told her I couldn't because I had hurt my shoulder and neck and couldn't drive more than 10 minutes. Plus KM is on my mom's power of attorney. KM was mad because she was in the middle of buying a new house. When KM was there she told me that my mom kept info regarding her x-ray from me. That they had found a mass. KM said mom's house looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years and smells like a barn. She stopped scooping her two cats litter boxes so there was cat feces everywhere. KM cleaned up what she could. KM started asking when I was coming over. I told her I didn't know because of my physical therapy. That I'm trying not to have shoulder surgery. She then got upset and got my other sibling BD to come up. My sister flew back to South to deal with her new house and packing. That is when she calls me to tell me that I need to go over to mom's because KM hasn't been at her job long enough to receive family medical leave plus I currently don't have a job. I told her again about my shoulder and she said, "I know that is a hardship for you but you need to go over there." I said well can't BD use his FML. They tried to tell me he doesn't receive it. So I looked it up and he's been in the military for about 20 years, he does receive FML. KM and my mom said that they didn't want him to use it because he's in the military, but they want me to drop my physical therapy and come over there so my sister can go back south. I explained that where mom lives everything is 30 minutes or more away and they don't have ubers. Plus, it's an 8 hour drive to get there. I'm just now able to pick up a plate with my right hand. I can't hold a one pound weight with my arm stretched out for more than 45 seconds. So they didn't care about my health, didn't ask Ben to use his family medical leave, my sister quit her job to go back to my mom's and now they are all mad at me. When my dad died I was the only child to go help my mom go through my dad's stuff. Financially I couldn't afford to be up there because I had been out of work for about 7 months. It took me two weeks to go through my dad's things because my mom sat in her room watching TV. I had to do it all by my self. No offers to help from my siblings but I didn't hold it against them nor did I make underhanded or abusive comments to them. It was really hard for me because my dad and I were so close. Now I'm either being ignored by them, not being updated about my mom, or they are make comments about me being self-centered. I haven't told them that my hair has been falling out, I have severe dry skin and the thought of eating makes me sick and this all started ever since I got a hysterectomy in April. I hardly sleep. I only eat one meal a day and sometimes I feel so dizzy. My emotions are all over the place so my doctor upped my anxiety and depression meds. But telling my family won't do anything because they wouldn't care just like my neck/shoulder. It's okay for KM to put her new house first and BD to put his career but I get treated like garbage because I for once put my health first. Am I the problem?

#familyissues #amiselfcentered #Depression #Anxiety #selfcare

For the last few months, it seems like I’m able to break the 4th wall in my dreams (meaning I can think logically in my dreams). That’s something that I owe to psychotherapy because I could never do that before. Last night, I had a dream that my mom had finally decided to divorce her husband after all the things that he did. My younger brother and I were able to move forward with life in this dream. I was able to speak my mind more freely even though I couldn’t do that previously. Although it was a relieving dream, I know that she wouldn’t do that in real life. She had made her choice time and again to stay with him even though she has been unhappy. He has displayed many traits of a narcissist, and to say the least, he hasn’t changed. In every situation he says that he will change, it lasts for a short time before he goes black to his old ways. I think what I hate the most is that I can look at them and feel a variety of emotions: anger, disgust, hurt, and pity. At the end of the day, their relationship has nothing to do with me and I accept that. I just hope that I don’t repeat the cycle. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #familyissues

After things have cooled down, I do feel some changes within me. I love my mom, but I realize that I am mentally detaching myself from her. I understand that mistakes were made and things can't be undone. In some way it feels like there is a cycle that is being repeated. My grandmother has her reasons for staying with my grandfather which caused some serious issues because their relationship wasn't always good. My mom's relationship has it's toxicity. In both situations, the kids involved have issues. So, I feel like my eyes have opened a little more. She had said to me that she hopes that I get to a point where I can look at someone and feel sorry for them. Well, I did. I was 18, I looked at someone in my life and I felt truly sorry for them. It was her. I know I have decisions to make and I have so much baggage that I need to unpack. I've got some baby steps in mind though. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #familyissues

My family missed their vacation this past winter due to covid. We were going out to Utah to go skiing. So my family decided to go skiing in utah again this coming January. However this time they decided I wasn't healthy enough to go. Instead of talking to me about this new vacation I found out about it months after my parents began planning it due to my brother's slip of the tongue. I was genuinely confused at first and was like "what vacation?". So they finally told me about their 'family' vacation and immediately told me I wasn't allowed to come. They didn't give me a choice or even asked if I wanted to come. In fact they even told me in these exact words "you're too difficult to bring, we don't want you coming". They said this all to me on CHRISTMAS DAY. My family is completely unwilling to accommodate me on vacations and tells me what my body can and can't do. I'm so upset right now I just needed to rant. #Upset #Family #familyissues #ChronicMigraines #Fibromyaliga #Depression

#MentalHealth #familyissues