pain

So, I started a new job last Monday. I was so excited to move on from a very stressful place that wasn’t helping me grow. But since I started it has been more different than I thought it would be. My new manger has been training me, but tbh she shouldn’t be training people.. the things I do know it seems like she’ll be with me then, but when I need help or to ask questions I tend to get ignored at first or she reacts like I’m bothering her or like I’m a total idiot for asking. For some reason she seems to think telling me or walking me through something once or twice is going to make it magically stick.

I thought it was getting better, that things were clicking but then Monday came and I am somehow the biggest failure ever again.. she wanted me to multitask more since there’s a lot of that at our desk, but I also don’t completely know how to do some things yet! It takes me longer or is harder to switch around because I don’t understand certain tasks in the first place. She asked me at one point why it was taking me longer today and I said I was getting confused by a few things and it slowed me down. I was doing well and keeping my “this is for work, not friendships” mindset while chugging along. But at the end of the day I asked if I should stay to call for reminders and she was like, “you haven’t called yet??” And I told her I didn’t get the chance to. I had a couple hours taken out because a new hire orientation I had to attend virtually as well as us just being super busy. She said no, it was time and I should go and that we can’t be taking all day to do one task.

First of all, how did you not know I didn’t call? I’ve been sitting next to you almost all day. And second, I’ve been here one week and have repeatedly said that we didn’t have to touch a lot of this at my old job. Im still learning! I multitasked differently there because it was a different environment and I knew what I was doing!

That last thing right as I was leaving broke something though. I had to rush to my car so I could bawl my eyes out.. I wasn’t able to actually drive home for about 20 minutes. I’ve also been feeling sick and ended up skipping eating lunch and sipping ginger ale instead. Got sick a bit after I got home too. Managed some oyster crackers and continued the ginger ale after though.

I feel so lost and defeated. I really do not want to go to work tomorrow because my confidence feels totally shot (what little I had). I miss my old job and coworkers even if I didn’t get paid enough and the newer insurance there sucked.

My poor bf too. I feel like I complain so much but I also don’t want to bottle things up and not tell him what’s going on, I also need to go back to therapy really bad. Maybe that would help. Does anyone have any advice or encouragement? Please?

Sorry for the novel.. idk where else to go with all of this rn. And this is just a fraction of it 🙃 #Newjob #Defeated #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #Migraine #MentalHealth #Fibromyalgia #JointHypermobilitySyndrome #HypermobilitySyndrome #Pain

It’s 4am here in Australia. I have been awake for several hours because of relentless pain. 5 days ago I lifted something the wrong way and immediately felt intense pain in my back. This pain coupled with the ongoing leg pain from my post accident surgery has been extremely debilitating.

So I ask you please for prayer support. I am really struggling to make this post and have wrestled with it for a few days. Here in The Mighty I strive to be encouraging and supportive as best I can. I feel a weight of responsibility to uplift people and help them because through my own journey of mental illness I know that many people suffer in silence or don’t have a great support network of other people.

However, at this point of time I can’t be silent because I really seemed to be well on the road of recovery and this feels like a major setback and perhaps more concerning my mind has gone to some pretty dark places.

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by the increase in leg pain. A few weeks ago I was doing 300 steps a day, yesterday was 4000. After church on Sunday we are going away to our favourite beach hotel for 4 days. We booked this before the accident knowing that after December and January, two of the busiest months every year, we will need some R and R. Little did we know then how important this break would be.

So, I request your prayers. Just knowing I am not alone at this time would mean the world to me.

There are some posts you really hesitate making, this is definitely one of them. Today I feel like a fraud. At church this morning I really didn’t want to be there and I really didn’t want to engage with anyone. Yesterday I started to feel very unwell with debilitating chest pain. My Wife asked me if I thought it was cardiac related. Given my recent history of major heart surgery it was definitely a valid question. The truth was I wondered if it was cardiac but the thought of yet another ambulance ride and another hospital admission was more than I could handle. I thought if it is an heart issue then maybe I would get to heaven and frankly that sounded good. It’s been 8 weeks since my accident. That’s 8 weeks of constant pain and my resolve is getting low.

Today my digestive system isn’t keeping any food in. And I am crazy tired. I have been sleeping a lot lately during the day which isn’t normal but I have forgotten what normal is. No one at church realises what a state I am in. I keep carefully prepared walls around me because I know if they did know they would all want to visit, cook etc and I just don’t have the energy to entertain people. Those walls though have created an environment where I am feeling like an isolated fraud. All I can manage now is to lay in the guest bedroom bed. I am too tired to read or watch tv.

I have managed to get appointment tomorrow with a doctor. I don’t know what to tell her. I think I will try and articulate I am scared that I am behind on my recovery and I want a review of my pain medication regime because I don’t think it’s keeping up with my pain levels. I am allergic to some pain medication and OxyContin has no effect on me. I am wondering if my current pain medication is also ineffective. My surgeon is overseas for another 2 weeks, the rehabilitation program is closed until Jan 6. I have no idea what I should be expecting at this post operative point.

Here on The Mighty I am often seen as an encourager. Today I feel like nothing but a fake. I am drowning and I can’t even find myself a life preserver. The physical pain is relentless and I am worn out.

The photo is a view outside the guest bedroom I am staying in. It offers a glimmer of hope.

Like a car in wintertime, it doesn't want to turn off = tremors.

Sit down —> engine knock

Cross my legs —> engine knock

Sneeze —> engine knock

Things that have helped: Heat/warmth (a blanket, sunning yourself). Stretching or exercising the leg. Holding or pressing the knee in place. Oral baclofen.

What has finally stopped it was getting a baclofen pump. Like what has helped country star Clay Walker (search for our recent post about him), this hockey puck-sized implant feeds powerful micro-doses of baclofen (a muscle relaxant) directly to your spinal cord. If the tightness, pain and fatigue of spasticity starts taking over your life, ask your specialist about this option. I've had this for eight years and it has changed our lives. Hit me up if you have any questions.

#MultipleSclerosis #Disability #Pain #Spasticity #Caregiving

I have had pain for a long time that I haven’t been able to get help for and was wondering if someone might have any thoughts.

I have pain in one side of my body; between shoulder blade and spine, right hip, sometimes a bit in the other hip and inside right knee. I also feel tension in the right side of my head, both at the front, around the eyebrow, and at the back. And I sometimes notice when breathing deeply I breathe into my right side less.

The pain in the shoulder gets worse with exercise that put a lot of strain on the shoulder. Other than that, I can’t see anything that makes it worse.

I have tried to get help before but got to hear things like it might be because I have flat feet and I should just exercise less and another time that it’s normal that the body isn’t completely straight.

I did go to a chiropractor for pelvic distortion for some time which didn’t relive the pain, and this was before the knee and shoulder pain.

I don’t know if the problem is flat feet, tilted hip, different long legs, if it comes from the back or something else entirely.

I’m also wondering if this could have something to do with my sleep problems or at least being a contributing factor.

So if someone can tell me anything that could be helpful - what the root cause could be, if you’ve had a similar experience, some knowledge that might help if I try to get help again or some way to get help with this – I’d be very grateful.

#Pain

Glad to be here! #Bipolar #Dbtskills #Borderline #Pain

My main pain distraction is my Money. My Money ALWAYS makes me happy 😉 #Facts