I’ve been home, unable to work for the last year. I spend about 80% of my time alone. I’ve always had intrusive thoughts, but when I was working, I was too busy to let them ruminate for long.
Since my back surgery eight years ago and my pheochromocytoma, I’ve had zero sex drive. My husband has been so supportive and loving to me even though we haven’t had a sexual relationship for more than three years now. After I had to have emergency surgery last year and then my back and knee gave out, all I had to do was stay home and watch the world unfold.
Then the Brett Kavanaugh hearings started. I’ve always been keenly aware of #MeToo and the impact of it for the future, but it didn’t really hit me until then. At the same time a tv programme came out about the religion I left and the proliferation of sexual abuse not brought to light.
Since all that, I can’t keep the thoughts out of my head about what happened to me; as a child, then a teen and through my younger and not so younger years. Also, the medical traumas. There have been so many.
I finally got in to see a psychologist, after waiting six months. We had two sessions and now it’s been decided that counselling would be a better fit for me. With a 3-4 month wait. Again.
Right now, I’m feeling a lot of those old traumas invading my mind again. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t take an antidepressant because of the other meds I’m on, and my doctors seem to pay no heed when I bring up these issues.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? If so, how are you coping?