Going thru it
1. My PMDD is killing me (if you know about PMS it’s similar but worse) but I will reach out to doctors this week. I fluctuate between rage and depression mood wise and if that isn’t enough then pain. It’s started to effect the way my week goes. Last week was a restful week and I wound up taking two days off to drink just so I could cope with my mood because not even my medication is enough when these damn mood swings hit. Anyone who dealt with PMDD please let me know what short term treatment you used. My doctor recommended surgery and I will fight for that if I have to because this is too much to deal with.
2. My c PTSD is bothering me a lot as well. I’m having trouble getting to sleep. I take night meds and even with them I’m still having nightmares (I’m trying to take the doctor prescribed dose since I was taking less). There is a part of me that is convinced that I will always have nightmares and it sucks because I feel like besides the medication I can’t do anything about it.
I write out my nightmares and dreams but that doesn’t stop me from having more. It’s like a repetitive cycle.
3. Mental illness and CPTSD- In addition to this, I feel like withdrawing from society. I wish I could say I’m trying to emulate Thoreau or Emily Dickinson and am planning on writing the next greay American novel but it’s not that simple. I don’t have friends. I don’t have friends that I go out with every week, once a month or even a few times a year. It’s taken me this long to realize that my PTSD has made me fear social interactions- it’s not just social anxiety. I’m literally terrified of making friends who I don’t believe will be kind to me anyway. I got thru all the crap I did alone anyway, why do I need anyone? Who was there to hold me when I needed it most? Nobody. I picked up the pieces myself and walked away with them. I don’t need anybody. Everyone is too busy being mixed up in their life, so I’ll focus on mine. It does come from a place a pain and anger. Why can other people have supposedly these amazing friendships and my entire life mine have all been superficial? What am I lacking? All I know is that going thru severe trauma will scar you and never leave you the same. And I don’t need anyone to make me feel like shit like most people usually do anyway. As a result, social media apps have been deleted.
This is all. Thanks for reading! #PTSD #PMDD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder