recharge

Today I spent the day in bed. Didn’t talk much on the phone. Scrolled through emails, and desperately searched the internet for some info on why it’s ok to stay in bed the entire day. I didn’t find much about it, I found many things talking about why people stay in bed and it seems they are normally depressed. Although I do suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, I don’t think that’s it. Not today anyway. There has been many a day where I spent days in bed when my son was with his dad just because I didn’t feel like being part of the world. But now I do it probably once a week. I feel like I need it. I work a lot. I have a studio and I also work from home whenever I can. I am single mom to an 11 year old boy which is exhausting in itself. I’ve had insomnia for the last 20 years and although I take meds, I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. So once a week, if my schedule allows for it- I stay in bed. Some weeks and not often I stay in bed 2 days. And then there are weeks that I don’t at all.
I feel like I need to recharge and this is the only way my body can keep going- mentally and physically. I’ve spoken at length about it to my therapist over the last few years and she said some people work out, some people do drugs. Others lay in bed or sleep to recharge. But why do I feel like a useless, lazy piece of trash?! Anyone else? #sleepallday #recharge #Depression #Anxiety #Lazy #recharge

When you've had an emotional couple if days and you feel like you've spent all your energy, it's important to honour what your body needs. Rest, nourishment, exercise, meditation. Whatever works for you to recharge your batteries. Yesterday that was a walk, some time playing with my cats, and some rest. Today I'm trying to get back into my routine of getting up, having my cup of , working in my workbooks to help get my mind right, followed by meditation. Mental health requires a lot of self care. I'm still trying to figure out what strategies are the best for me. Some days the strategy is just keeping the anxiety at bay. Yesterday it was allowing myself to feel my feelings whilst sitting on my kitchen floor having a full on anxiety attack. But when I was done crying I really did feel better. We spend so much time hiding our mental health issues, quashing our emotions, denying our dark side that once in awhile it all has to come out before we drown.
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Selfcare #recharge

Sometimes struggling with the thorns of mood disorders-depression, post partum-accompanied by anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD I often get so overwhelmed that my body forces my mind to slow down and recoup. Oftentimes this is confusing to others who question my lack of energy. What many forget is sometimes the willpower it takes just to function is so draining it can be hard to do much else. If it’s between doing the dishes or trying to use what energy I have to try and focus on my goals then sometimes the dishes won’t get done. I’m not lazy, I need to recoup, get rest and try another goal another day. In America, where there is so much focus on work not working isn’t an option. But when it comes down to a paycheck or your healing sometimes you have to pause. It’s taken me about 20 years to learn how to stop apologizing for being tired of my overwhelming thought-life. When the ADD snowballs into anxiety depression often kicks in to slow me down. When the thoughts are overwhelming and often lead to panic attacks the odd depressive mood kicks in, forcing my body to recharge. It’s only this which has, ironically, stopped me from letting the thoughts lead me off a cliff. I pray daily, asking God to give me balance. It is only in His grace that I can function with the three issues in my daily life. He lightens depressions dark thoughts, slows down the anxious or unfocused thoughts, he gives me space to recharge, encouraging me through my husband, son, or His word. I am thankful I have a support system to push me when I’m too low, or to hold me down when I’m too flighty. My husband is so awesome he has taught me how to be patient with myself. He grew up with an ADHD diagnosis and spent much time in therapy and has learned many tools that he passes on to me; only recently have I figured out that I may have undiagnosed ADD because of my inability to sit still for long periods, to focus, and difficulty organizing my life and thoughts. I often get overwhelmed trying to figure out what task to do first. This overwhelming feeling often makes me feel paralyzed, causing panic, but when I slow down, breath, and allow myself the space to pick just one thing without any guilt or frustration I can then accomplish at least one task. And if I accomplished at least one task in the day I am successful. I no longer force myself to compare to what others expect. Sure, you could have the whole house clean in an hour, but if I can clean at least the kitchen then I tackled one task and I can be proud I made it that far. And that gives me the confidence I need to try and perform another task. The worst thing to do to yourself is to guilt trip yourself about “not doing enough.” If you can accomplish something, anything, then you have something to be proud of.
#ADHD #ADD #Undiagnosed #Depression #Anxiety #rest #recharge