residential care

I was looking at old photos of myself and came upon some from before I went into Eating Disorder residential treatment in December. Any time these photos have come up since I’ve gotten to a healthy weight, they’ve made me want to go back to that.

Today, that didn’t happen. I saw a photo that I wanted to share with a close friend or two, because I know it’s an alter. But I caught myself thinking, “I don’t like how skinny and sick I look in it”.

This is HUGE! To want my body to look (and I hate this word, but for lack of a better one) healthy, rather than sick is a major triumph. I know this comes and goes, but I wanted to acknowledge it and feel this growth and give it some space.

This is growth. This is proof EMDR and a fuckton of group therapy is working. This is proof that getting to the root of the ED- the trauma, is key. I’m proud of myself. And that’s something else I’ve never felt before.

#ThisIsRecovery #ThisIsHealing #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #AnorexiaNervosa #ResidentialTreatment #ResidentialCare #emdr #emdrtherapy #Healing #PersonalGrowth #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #alters

I haven’t written in a while.

I’ve been in residential for 2 months now. I’m staying 90 days, I believe. I get EMDR 3-5 times a week. It’s intense, but it’s helping. My alters are feeling more comfortable here. They’re coming out around people more and I’m not hiding when it happens. My case manager encouraged me to tell the people here about my DID. I was apprehensive. I thought everyone would see me as crazy and treat me differently. They didn’t, and they don’t. It’s so freeing to just be me, whoever I am at the time. I don’t want to go back home and into hiding. I may tell some people back home.

My insurance wanted to kick me out of here and send me to an eating disorder residential place, because I was losing too much weight. So I had to get a better handle on my eating disorder so I could stay here. I need to work on what’s underneath it if I want it to ever be okay. The trauma work I’m doing here is what will help.

They talk about the pendulum here. Going into the darkness, and then into the light. With all the EMDR work we need fun, too. So we go on “experiential”. We went car bashing (after writing to someone we are upset with and reading the letter). We went ziplining (fears can be good, and overcoming them). We go on a lot of hikes and it’s so amazing hiking in the mountains. We are learning how to healthily dip our toe into trauma, and then naturally pull ourselves back out of it.

I’m struggling with the desire to move out here. I have a roommate if I want to. But I can’t do that to the kids. I’d only see them in the summers. So I have to go back.

I’m doing good work here, even if some days feel like hell. That’s healing, I guess.

#Residential #ResidentialTreatment #ResidentialCare #emdr #Therapy #ExperientialTherapy #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

I’m looking for an inpatient or partial hospitalization facility. I have bpd and my depression has been at its worst lately—suicidal ideation, sleeping 40+ hours, cutting everyone off, missing work (after finding my dream job)...the cycle is starting and I can’t do it again. I finally want to get intensive treatment and advocate for myself and future. I had an eating disorder on and off for many years as a teen and after college. I was able to gain control on my own and it never became a huge issue compared to everything else. I don’t restrict my eating now, actually the complete opposite, which could be an ed too. My husband’s therapist recommended I try a treatment center that specializes in eating disorders. In my words, but her opinion—the 2 we have in our city are much nicer and have better care than traditional facilities. Which appears to be very true. Any thoughts on this? I would never pose a disorder I don’t have, but if an eating disorder exists on some level, but is nowhere close to the urgent issues I have, could I still benefit? On paper the therapy styles and scheduling is what I’m looking for. Any advice or insight will help so much! Thanks! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Inpatient #EatingDisorders #ResidentialCare