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Progress

I was looking at old photos of myself and came upon some from before I went into Eating Disorder residential treatment in December. Any time these photos have come up since I’ve gotten to a healthy weight, they’ve made me want to go back to that.

Today, that didn’t happen. I saw a photo that I wanted to share with a close friend or two, because I know it’s an alter. But I caught myself thinking, “I don’t like how skinny and sick I look in it”.

This is HUGE! To want my body to look (and I hate this word, but for lack of a better one) healthy, rather than sick is a major triumph. I know this comes and goes, but I wanted to acknowledge it and feel this growth and give it some space.

This is growth. This is proof EMDR and a fuckton of group therapy is working. This is proof that getting to the root of the ED- the trauma, is key. I’m proud of myself. And that’s something else I’ve never felt before.

#ThisIsRecovery #ThisIsHealing #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #AnorexiaNervosa #ResidentialTreatment #ResidentialCare #emdr #emdrtherapy #Healing #PersonalGrowth #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #alters

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Healing

I haven’t written in a while.

I’ve been in residential for 2 months now. I’m staying 90 days, I believe. I get EMDR 3-5 times a week. It’s intense, but it’s helping. My alters are feeling more comfortable here. They’re coming out around people more and I’m not hiding when it happens. My case manager encouraged me to tell the people here about my DID. I was apprehensive. I thought everyone would see me as crazy and treat me differently. They didn’t, and they don’t. It’s so freeing to just be me, whoever I am at the time. I don’t want to go back home and into hiding. I may tell some people back home.

My insurance wanted to kick me out of here and send me to an eating disorder residential place, because I was losing too much weight. So I had to get a better handle on my eating disorder so I could stay here. I need to work on what’s underneath it if I want it to ever be okay. The trauma work I’m doing here is what will help.

They talk about the pendulum here. Going into the darkness, and then into the light. With all the EMDR work we need fun, too. So we go on “experiential”. We went car bashing (after writing to someone we are upset with and reading the letter). We went ziplining (fears can be good, and overcoming them). We go on a lot of hikes and it’s so amazing hiking in the mountains. We are learning how to healthily dip our toe into trauma, and then naturally pull ourselves back out of it.

I’m struggling with the desire to move out here. I have a roommate if I want to. But I can’t do that to the kids. I’d only see them in the summers. So I have to go back.

I’m doing good work here, even if some days feel like hell. That’s healing, I guess.

#Residential #ResidentialTreatment #ResidentialCare #emdr #Therapy #ExperientialTherapy #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

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Need suggestions

I am kinda freaking out right now. Last Friday my IOP ended and last Monday my other counselor explained they will no longer be able to see me.

I have an eating disorder, mental health issues, medical issues amd am trans. I have issues with places because of my identity and medical issues. I may have the ability to go into a residential treatment center but also may have to leave my service dog at home.

My birthday is next month and if I go in would spend it in a facility. My family is scheduled to visit next month and they are huge triggers. My family expects me to be there for them but I need more support than they can give.

Do I go (insurance pending) and take care of myself or stay out?

#ResidentialCare #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #PTSD #potsielife #EatingDisorders

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Afraid to open up.

I just finished my first "week" at residential. I am laying here in my bed and exhausted. I had a total meltdown and panic attack with a staff member today. He pushed me in group to open up about my ex partner and the abuse that tool place. It was really hard. He continued to tell me that the sooner I ripped off the band-aid and started sharing the easier it would feel. I fought him tooth and nail on this. I shared a little and that caused panic. I ended up having to leave the room. I was able to finally calm down but now I am honestly terrified to open up again. I have the weekend to recharge now, but it's not easy being here. How do I open up and feel okay with this? It's all so pressured?

#PTSD #Depression #Trauma #ResidentialCare

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Have you been to a residential treatment facility that specializes in eating disorders for your depression or bpd?

I’m looking for an inpatient or partial hospitalization facility. I have bpd and my depression has been at its worst lately—suicidal ideation, sleeping 40+ hours, cutting everyone off, missing work (after finding my dream job)...the cycle is starting and I can’t do it again. I finally want to get intensive treatment and advocate for myself and future. I had an eating disorder on and off for many years as a teen and after college. I was able to gain control on my own and it never became a huge issue compared to everything else. I don’t restrict my eating now, actually the complete opposite, which could be an ed too. My husband’s therapist recommended I try a treatment center that specializes in eating disorders. In my words, but her opinion—the 2 we have in our city are much nicer and have better care than traditional facilities. Which appears to be very true. Any thoughts on this? I would never pose a disorder I don’t have, but if an eating disorder exists on some level, but is nowhere close to the urgent issues I have, could I still benefit? On paper the therapy styles and scheduling is what I’m looking for. Any advice or insight will help so much! Thanks! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Inpatient #EatingDisorders #ResidentialCare

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Residential/ outpatient treatment

Wondering what your guys experience with residential and or outpatient treatment has been like? I’ve been involuntary inpatient at a hospital and it was one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life so far. Was brought in for a suicide attempt and then was threatened by another patient in the ward. It was ironic that I was suddenly terrified of being killed by this person when days before I had contemplated killing myself. Anyways, I’m looking into more intense treatment for my depression and would love recommendations. #Depression #Anxiety #ResidentialCare #Outpatient

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What are some creative ideas to send someone in rehab/residential mental health center?

My husband voluntarily got admitted to a residential addiction and mental health center. He can’t use the phone for the first 4 day, and after that, it’s only
10-15 minutes and he only gets visitors 5 hours each weekend. I want to mail him something every day so he gets something to brighten his day. I already sent him some pics of the kids and me, and wrote two notes that I put in cards with an inspirational quote. I was thinking of printing off some funny memes, but what are some other creative ways to show I care. We are best friends and are used to talking and hanging out every day. #AlcoholDependence #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #Marriage #ResidentialCare

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What should I say to my toddler girls about their father’s admission to a rehab/psych facility?

My husband voluntarily got admitted to a rehab/mental health center last night. He’ll be there hopefully 30-60 days. Our 2 y/o daughter asked me where he is. I just told her that he’s sick and she didn’t ask anything else. But I know they’re going to have more questions, especially our 4 y/o daughter (she’s at his parents house right now). What is appropriate to discuss with them? My 4 y/o will likely come with us to visitation next weekend, so I feel like I need to prepare her. Any good resources for this stuff? #AlcoholDependence #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Rehabilitation #ResidentialCare #Inpatient

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