residential treatment

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    Moving from surviving to thriving.

    It’s been a while.​

    I’m not even sure when I last wrote. Life has been busy, and a source of constant change. Within this time, I have continued to do the next right thing. Sometimes just taking it moment by moment. ​

    I have outgrown my old life. I have grown into someone with the need for a purpose. The need to help others.​

    And so, tomorrow morning I start my drive to Utah. I am moving. I’ve secured a job in the recovery field. I will be a recovery advocate in a residential trauma facility, just like the one I attended a year ago. ​

    I’ve rediscovered who I am to be, what I want to do. ​

    This decision didn’t come lightly. I’ve spent a year weighing the pros and cons. Listening to my heart as it tells me who I am, and what I’m to do. ​

    This past year has been hard, and it has been amazing. I’ve found myself again. I may not always like the person I am, but I’m learning to love her just as she is. ​

    Tomorrow, I will be on a 36 hour drive to the home I’ve found with my found family. ​

    This new journey in my life looks like it will be amazing.​

    I am ready to move from surviving to truly living. ​

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Recovery #Healing #growth #ResidentialTreatment #traumatreatment #MentalIllness #change



    i was in treatment for my eating disorder and went through many months of 60 hours a week treatment All went wonderfully and was really thriving but now that i have got to a healthy weight i have very much relapsed. i am struggling and was hoping to find a group on this site for post treatment relapse. #ResidentialTreatment


    My problem with treatment

    I have Borderline personality disorder and recently have been extremely emotional with suicide ideation on top of an addiction. I was/am ready and prepared to go into an inpatient treatment facility, but they told me they do not treat BPD because, "You can't treat a personality disorder.". I know BPD is treatable. This is the only facility my insurance will cover. Any place that does treat BPD with co-occurring illnesses are either too far away or too expensive. My fear is I'm going to check into this place and they are going to treat me for bipolar and cause more harm to my already highly unstable mental state. I feel like I'm untreatable and therefore a lost cause. I'm already going through so much, this is one thing I shouldn't have to worry about. I don't know what to do!?
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ResidentialTreatment #SuicidalIdeation


    Pet Care During Treatment?

    #ResidentialTreatment #MentalHealth #Pets

    I volunteer at a local independent cat shelter in my area that is run by volunteers. Apparently since the pandemic, shelters similar to this one all over the country are running low on cats because they get adopted so quickly! Therefore, there are volunteers wanting to help but not enough cats.

    I'm wondering if there are people who would seek residential care for mental health or addiction if they were able to have a place for there cat to stay. Has anyone ever experienced this? In other words, has having a cat to take care of stopped you from seeking the mental health care you need?

    I have no idea how I would begin this project but it feels like something that could be huge and important.

    Any input or thoughts would be great, thanks!!

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    What a difference a year makes

    A year ago I was clinically emaciated, and going through refeeding.

    I’m glad I documented this process because it helps me remember how hard it was. It wasn’t just that month in residential. It took months to be able to eat again without my eating disorder screaming at me. It whispers, now. It whispers and I can tell it to fuck off.

    My therapist told me she can literally tell when I haven’t eaten that day. She can tell by my mood. And she is never wrong when she calls me out on it. It was eye opening to see just how much starvation effects my depression.

    So when I have to force myself to eat, that realization has helped probably more than anything else has. I ask myself, is this worth my happiness? When I feel depressed I’d give anything to not feel that way. And this is one of those things I can do. I can nourish my body to nourish my mind.

    I’ve said more than a few times this year, as my eating disorder attempts to sneak it’s way back into my life, that I never want to have to come back from that again. And I’m not certain my body could handle another relapse, to be honest. #Anorexia #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorder #eatingdisordertreatment #EatingDisorderRecovery #Residential #ResidentialTreatment #MentalIllness #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Recovery #growth #Healing

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    Seeing Growth

    I’ve spent the past year, especially the past 6 months, working hard on myself. I dealt with trauma I’d never addressed before. I did painful EMDR sessions. I allowed myself to feel my most painful feelings. I’ve cried. A lot. I was vulnerable and opened up about things I’d never opened up about. I was my real, authentic self and was loved and accepted that way. I had to actively work to literally retrain my brain. I’ve worked on challenging my negative thoughts and negative core beliefs. I’ve seen those beliefs that I held onto so strongly start to move and change. I have discovered who I am and what my values are and who I want to be. I have worked so hard, felt so much pain, I’ve taken a hard look at myself and addressed things I needed to in order to work on being a better person, and cried so many tears.

    But it was all worth it.

    The most amazing part of all of this is that I’m seeing all of that hard work pay off.
    My life hasn’t gotten any easier, but I’m showing up differently. I’m responding to things in ways I never dreamed I could. I’m allowing myself to feel my feelings instead of pushing them down. I’m reaching out and processing things. I’m realizing my self-worth, setting boundaries, and standing up for myself. I’m pausing and really thinking so that I can respond, rather than react.

    When I first started this journey, I’d have to argue with my negative thoughts and beliefs and remind myself how I wanted to respond to things and what I wanted to believe about myself. I had to reality check those negative thoughts. I had use opposite thought and force myself to try to believe what I was telling myself. I had to pause and say, “What is the story I’m telling myself? Is it accurate?”. I had to make a conscious effort in so many ways.

    When things occur lately, and I watch myself naturally responding in the way I’ve been actively working so hard to do. It is an amazing feeling. I am literally seeing all of my hard work paying off. It is so rewarding. I’m becoming the person I want to be.

    It has been an incredibly tough journey, but I am beyond grateful for it.

    The work isn’t over. It’s never over. There are always ways to grow and evolve. But seeing progress is a great motivator to keep at it. It’s proof that I can change. I can be the person I want to be.

    #Healing #growth #MentalIllness #CPTSD #PTSD #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Anorexia #AnorexiaNervosa #ResidentialTreatment #Therapy #emdr #copingskills #oppositethought #Recovery

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    I’m struggling right now.

    I’m back in residential for a couple of weeks to help stabilize because my SI got bad again.
    I’m in so much emotional pain. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to be doing. I’m forcing myself to eat. I’m trying to sleep. I’m not isolating. I’m trying every coping skill that has ever worked. I’m trying every suggestion given to me, and nothing is working. The pain just won’t subside.
    I know I have to process it, and that’s what else I’m doing. I’m not blocking it (which is hard when it’s your automatic response to block it). I’m feeling it. I’m crying, which I rarely do. I’m crying a lot. I’m talking about it. I’m not letting my mind focus on SI as an escape from feeling the actual issues. I’m doing all the right things and I’m still in so much constant pain. I just have to sit in it. I just have to feel it. I just have to let it be with me for the time it needs. But I am hurting so much, with no reprieve. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of fighting my brain. But I’m still doing all the right things. Hopefully this lessens some, soon. Because it feels like I’m drowning. I just need to come up for some air. Just a break.

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Healing #coping #Feeling #Depression #si #ResidentialTreatment

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    Joys through the pain.

    After 106 days in a residential trauma center, I’ve been out for about a month now. I’ve been living in a mental health/sober living transitional house, while doing IOP.

    It’s been a hard transition, but I’m getting used to this. I’m starting to accept that that part of my life is over and I need to look forward.

    It was really hard going from a place where I was surrounded by so much love and support 24/7. It had been the first time I had ever felt safe. I was so worried I’d never feel safe like that again.

    My anorexia started to come back full-swing. The staff in IOP (the same staff from residential, minus the techs) were super supportive and helped me a lot.

    I’m trying to focus on the times I feel good. I’m remembering the bad doesn’t ever last. It’s okay and normal to still feel bad sometimes. I’m learning to accept my feelings, remind myself they won’t last, and remember when I’ve felt good and realize I will feel that again.

    I’m focusing on doing the next right thing. I don’t need to have the rest of my life planned out. I don’t have to worry if I’ll ever be okay or when the next bad time comes. I just need to do the next right thing.
    I don’t want to eat, but I do, because that’s the next right thing to stay in recovery.
    I want to isolate, but I don’t, because it’s the next right thing.
    I am working on being more present. Sitting in each moment, accepting it for what it is- even when it doesn’t feel the best.

    I am beginning to think that I might actually be okay.

    #NextRightThing #Recovery #ResidentialTreatment #IOP #Anorexia #AnorexiaNervosa #MentalHealth #MentalIllness


    #ResidentialTreatment Facilities for Son?

    My 13 year old son’s psychiatrist recommended he go to a residential treatment facility but I do not know where to start. She gave me one referral but they are on a waitlist. Does anyone know of any? He does not have a substance abuse problem. He has ADHD, bipolar disorder II, anxiety and high functioning autism. It can be anywhere in the U.S. He desperately needs help! We’ve tried everything.

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    I’m not ready to close this chapter, yet.

    I’m leaving residential in 2-3 weeks. I’m sad this time is ending. It was amazing. I was surrounded by people I love, who love me. I was doing hard work to heal AND having fun. Now some people have left, and others are leaving soon, and I’ll be leaving. This amazing chapter in my life is ending and I don’t want it to. I want to stay here with everyone. I want to keep being surrounded by the people who love me and keep me safe and hug me.

    I’m literally grieving that this time is ending. I’m scared I won’t be loved like this again. Surrounded by love and support, laughter and fun. I won’t be able to get a hug when I’m sad.

    The loneliness that is always piercing my heart and soul was gone for a moment and it felt amazing. I don’t want to go back to feeling that intense loneliness and emptiness ALL THE TIME. I don’t want to leave these people. I don’t want to feel awful all the time, again.

    I’m scared to go back and drown in my pain all alone, again.
    I need these people.
    I need them near me.

    I’ll still have the residents, but I can’t talk to the staff for 2 years. I need them. What if they don’t care anymore in 2 years? What if they forget me?

    I don’t want to be without the amazing people here I’ve grown to love, and who love me. And I KNOW they love me. That’s huge.

    My case manager says I will find new people. That I didn’t expect to find and love these ones. But no one else will compare to how close we all got and how amazing they all are.

    I don’t want this chapter in my life to close, yet.
    I’m sad.

    #ResidentialTreatment #Residential #Friendship #Depression #growth #movingon #change #Anxiety #Fear #grieving