This is the letter from last night. It's kinda long.
I don't know why I do this anymore. Why I fight. Why I hope. Why I come back. All I ever do is cause pain and suffering and turmoil. I never do anything good. All I ever do is make people miserable. I cause problems, and I only bring negativity. There is no way anybody could ever love, or care about someone like me. I'm too negative and evil and and bad and I have too many issues. It's a proven fact that if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. It's not possible. That means that I can't love anybody else, it is impossible. I don't love myself, I hate myself. I am such a stupid, worthless baby.
I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve help. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve Tanner. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve compassion. I don't deserve to live. I shouldn't be alive. I never should have been born. I never should have lived after I was born. There is no possible way for anybody to love me or care about me. If someone were to kill me, I would just ask them to leave as little mess for them(my family) to clean up.
I don't know if I'll make it until the morning. I mean, It's not like I deserve to. I'll probably kill myself tonight. It will be better for everyone this way. My family will celebrate. They won't even miss me. They'll be happy. I'll be gone. It will be perfect for them. A dream come true. There my be a few people who miss me, but over all, my death will be for the better.
Whoever is reading this, tell Tanner I love him. I always have and always will. He has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm sorry if this hurts you. That's not my intent. You are free now. You deserve better and more than I can give you.
To my friends, I care so much about you. You are free of me now.
To Melody and Tyler, Don't give up. Stick together. I love you guys.
To The Mighty community, thank you for the opportunity to help. You are so amazing. Stay strong. Never, never give up, To SJ, you are so wonderful. I hope you know that I care, and I want you to be happy. You helped me a lot, and you are so strong and brave.
To sociallyanxiousdoll, never stop fighting. You have done a lot for me. In the little time I've known you, I've grown to really care about you.
I don't mean for this to hurt anyone. It won't though. It will set everyone free. I tried. I fought, but in the end, it just became too much.
To my family, I care about you more than you know. I love you so much. Though I know you don't believe it. You finally got your wish. I'm gone. You'll never have to see me again. I'm gone.
I know this will be better for everyone.
Finally, to everyone mentioned, I care about you all. I want you to be happy. You are free of me. You are amazing.
That was the letter I wrote last night.