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Sleep terror experience

I just woke up from the worst #sleepterror of my life. I am staying at a friends and I must have scared the beans out of her when sge rushed in to find me standing and screaming bloody murder. I screamed so hard and so long that my throat and chest are still burning an hour later. I’ve had night terrors before but never this bad. I recently tapered completely off of Zoloft so I’m wondering if this is another side effect of #ssriwithdrawal
Anyone else experience this? #CheckInWithMe #nightterrors #PTSD #Zoloft


Here we go again...

It's 11:34 at night as I'm typing this. I've woken up screaming approximately 5-6 tomes in the last hour due to c-ptsd nightmares. Now I'm just sitting here writing away in my journal and now my phone and trying my hardest not to go into full on panic mode cause I have work at 7am tomorrow. I can't call in "sick" or ask off. They need me that day at that time. I work in childcare so it's a very high stress work environment. I need sleep. My body is exhausted but my brain just won't give me a break 😔 #CPTSD #Nightmares #nightterrors #Insomnia


Trying something new!

I have not been sleeping well at all. Thank you insomnia and trauma for that... I get absolutely horrible night terrors. I'm talking waking up in a sweat shaking and screaming. Sleep is scary for me at the moment but I'm trying to change that now. Tonight I'm trying brown noise instead of my music I use to sleep. I read that background noise like that is really good for trauma and anxiety at night. Then I'm also replacing the bright lights on while I sleep to some simple fairy lights above my bed. Nice alternative to the overhead lights when I try to sleep. I'm also implementing a new night routine. Which I will hopefully be able to stick too. Hygiene, comfy clothes, an enjoyable activity that's relaxing, take my night meds, some simple meditation before bed, then it's off to bed. Let's see how this goes. I will be posting an update a few days into it for those who also struggle with trauma and insomnia. Wish me luck! #Trauma #CPTSD #nightterrors #Insomnia #Anxiety #SleepTerrors


Sliver Shivers #nightterrors #Nightmares #Depression #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

I feel the darkness moving in, Stalking me again. It’s coming, coming ... I know from the queasy in the pit of my stomach, my heart beat drumming in my ears, my hairs prickle and stands on end, electrified. He's here. Icy sweat leaks from all my pores. Escape is futile. It senses me as I sense it. It stays just to the fringe of my vision. When I turn to look it’s gone, but not gone. I can feel its cold presence nearby in the heavy darkness that comes to eclipse all my light.


Extreme #nightterrors

Does anyone else have extreme night terrors. So bad that you have physical affects the next day. As in swelling of a body part, burning, or complete and utterly body exhaustion. I’ve always delt with #nightterrors but this morning was the most intense one in years. I’m afraid my sleep is going to go down the drain now... #ChronicIlless #Sleep #nightmare #MentalHealth

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Why? Why does this keep happening? I feel like I'm doing so well and then BAM ! A night terror related to a man that has not been a part of my life for a decade and that I thought I had even forgiven for the things he did to hurt me and forgiven myself for feeling as though I allowed it to happen. Waking up in an #AnxietyAttack is soo hard. Convincing myself that it's a dream, that he can't hurt me and that I'm ok is draining and mind melting. Thanks for letting me vent. Hugs to you all

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REM Sleep Behavior Disorder and CPTSD

How many of you act out your nightmares? I’ve been known to scream, kick and punch during night terrors when our bodies should be paralyzed. I recently found out it is REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. I’ve done this since I was a child. I live alone, so I don’t have to worry about hurting a bed partner, but a couple weeks ago I did manage to kick my dog so hard she flew 2 feet off the bed. I felt horrible.

My med doctor just put me on Prazosin to help with this. She said it was from the CPTSD, and the drug would help. The only side effect I notice is that I am tired all day. Anyone else have this? Take medication? What’s your experience? #RBD #CPTSD #nightterrors


Sick of the nightmares

Not very much in this world scares me. Maybe because ive been thru, seen, and felt all the scary things i can think of? Most recently, my past is presenting in my dreams... More than ever. I've processed these events and negative emotions over the last 20 years in therapy. However, this week has been rough to say the least. My body hurts from the physical tension and fighting while im at rest. My nerves are shot from trying to process these dreams- reliving the hell i once walked thru. My inner strength is being broken by second guessing my past and my actions. I am tired😣. #CPTSD #Anxiety #nightterrors #ChronicDepression #ChronicPain

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Freedom A letter to my shadow #Depression #shadow #Insomnia #nightterrors

Occasionally still, you come to mind. Mostly in the shallow hours of the night when I wake with a start, body, sheets and pillow heavy with sweat. As I swap out my bedding, climb the 17 steps to the washroom, attempt to shower quietly, read or draw for an hour or so waiting for the cannabis, or the boatman, to drag me down for another - hour? Two? Ever? For the second or third time that night. At midnight. At one. At two. At three. At four. At five when I brew up some coffee and wait for the Sun and my wife to rouse. At 6 when I’m rubbing her feet and I can feel her pulling away to get on with her day and leave me here with you.

My shadow. Nearly 50 years it has taken me to finally see. You are fixed to me. I remember when I was a child how you would loom large in my doorway, in the corner next to the window where a lazy moonlight left you wide berth, at the foot of my bed, stomach growling, or even the few times I felt your lips on mine as you stole a breath or two and how it burned like ice. I didn’t know you then but I saw you every morning in the mirror’s reflection. I felt your gravity in my bones. I felt your chill tongue up and down my spine. I felt your fangs inject your venom in my joints, muscles, skin, mind. I heard your voice, like dry leaves cracking underfoot on a sunless November morning, constantly, day and night, louder than everything and everyone. I was wrong to hope a shadow to be silent.

I hated you. You left your stain on everything. The brighter the day, the bolder and heavier you became. Only on generally dull and gloomy days, where absolutely everyone shared the same dread, did I ever feel you less, if only slightly.

You’ve led me out to some sketchy neighborhoods, at ungodly hours, and left me bleeding behind a dumpster more times than I can count. And yet, I fall for your lies over and over and keep waking up shattered. Hard to see the cracks in the dim shadowlight, but your eyes...damn your eyes! Pinned through the chest, I’m a moth in a display, having once craved light, now drawn to the fold of night.

What an awful, frightful companion you have been. I don’t quite recall the time or circumstance of our first meeting but I suspect it was around the time everyone else left and there was a lot of space to fill. Nature detests a void and so, space must be filled with something. You kept the other wolves at bay. I didn’t realize. I didn’t realize.

My skin bears many marks of my passage here. My body creaks and groans. But you, my friend, pooled on the ground there, you flow from me. You are the blood of the cuts that never healed. You are the soft death of a cry unanswered. I made you and you made me and, while there is light, betrothed are we. Neither of us ever truly free…

from me.

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Fast & Heavy #Music #Lyrics #Song

This is a song I wrote about the experience of #Depression , #nightterrors , #Anxiety , #PanicAttacks and all the other wonderful benefits of being a very real thing in a very false world.

Fast And Heavy
by Band Of Three

A siren’s panic wail
I stare out the window.
Headlight shadow fear come stealing.

Race down the hallway
And out the front door
Feet are bare, feet are pumping...

Fast and heavy, I’m helpless to control it.
But my hands are steady
And as cold as the night when you stole it.

Down the hole again.
Walls closing in.
Up is down, I’m reeling, reeling.

Tangled and spun
But what’s done is done.
I am become, lord I’m falling, falling...

Fast and heavy, I’m helpless to control it.
But my hands are steady
And as cold as the night when you stole it.

Down this hole again.
Hole’s got no end.
Only sound is breathing, breathing...

Tangled and spun
But what’s done is done.
The hurt sets in, bleeding, bleeding…

Fast and heavy, I’m helpless to control it.
But my hands are steady
And as cold as the night when you stole it.

Music by Jean Audette, Troy Mira
Lyrics by Troy Mira