Substance Use Disorders

Following on from yesterday’s post regarding my referral to a ‘Substance Abuse Therapy Centre’, here’s how it went…..
So appointment went well. They are not overly concerned about the drinking but they advised me to try and taper off the use of cocaine, if I can go cold turkey then fine, but if not then reduce my consumption bit by bit. Referring me for an ADHD assessment via my GP. Tested me for Hepatitis C and HIV so wait couple of weeks for the results. Generally speaking had a good chat with the girl, she was understanding and she listened which was refreshing. They’re going to liase with both my GP and Psychiatrist and give me the best possible support to kick these habits into touch 👌
#MentalHealth #MightyTogether #ADHD #AlcoholDependence #AlcoholAbuse #Alcoholism #Narcotics

"General population surveys have documented that approximately 75% of individuals with a substance use disorder have experienced trauma at some point in their lives."
-- PubMed Central, National Library of Medicine.

Time and time again, I see comments from people online saying things like:

* People with addictions have no-one to blame but themselves.
* Addiction is a lifestyle choice.
* Addiction only happens to certain kinds of people.
* People with addiction are all criminals.
* People with addiction need tough love. Helping them just enables drug use.
* Addiction medications are just replacing one addiction with another.
* People with addiction are hopeless.
... and on and on it goes.

Statistics show that the vast majority of people with addictions are doing it to self-medicate. Some things, such as some types of illicit drugs, have the additional side effect of feeling good while they're being taken, but my argument is that people don't take them primarily for that reason.

They take them to dull/block out emotional and/or physical pain.

[Aside: I, until 2.5 months ago, used to do the same thing with nicotine, be it smoking and/or vaping. Every time I felt stressed or anxious, I craved nicotine. My body screamed for it. And I would find myself huddled somewhere away from everyone else, puffing away, because smokers are considered pariahs these days.]

Not every form of emotional pain is linked to trauma, but every traumatic backstory leads to emotional pain. It's perfectly understandable to want to kill that pain with whatever you can get your hands on, whatever works. Let's face it; Mindfulness really doesn't help with genuine distress, it helps with mild symptoms.

Tearing into people with addictions helps no-one - *especially* not the person with the addiction. It makes them feel worse than they already do. Don't people realise that the person with the addiction already *knows* they're addicted, and likely wish they weren't?

With seeking help for addictions comes the realisation and reality that once you kick the habit, the feelings you were trying to kill will come flooding back. Often it feels like they come back with a vengeance, to make up lost time, as it were. Quitting an addiction is downright heroic, because you have to face all your inner demons.

That's why addiction centres usually have 28-day programs, full of group and 1:1 therapy sessions. It takes approximately a week for the drugs to leave a person's system (the detox process is usually brutal in and of itself), then they need time and help afterwards. They also need to be among people going through a similar process, for inspiration and support.

[Aside: For anyone interested in the topic of addiction centres, I recommend the movie '28 Days' (not to be mistaken for '28 Days Later', a *very* different genre of movie.) It's a comedy, but does go quite deep into the more serious aspects of addiction. You can rent it through the Google TV or YouTube apps; it used to be available upon Netflix, but they've since removed it.]

Have you noticed the language I have been very careful in using for identification, yet? At no point have I used the word 'addicts'; I have always used the term 'people with addictions'. That is deliberate, as people are not natural addicts. They have addictions. I'm not sure if I believe in the so-called 'addictive gene' theory. I suspect I lean more into the no camp, as I believe the main cause of addiction is trauma, not genetics. That doesn't mean, however, that the two can't be at play, simultaneously. I am open to being wrong.

So the next time you see a person with an addiction, be it out on the street, in a psych ward, or even just looking into your bathroom mirror, think about what might have brought them to that point in their lives, and seek for some compassion and sympathy within yourself. If you're walking, or have walked the addiction path before, you can also try some empathy. It costs nothing, but means everything.

No-one chooses for their life to feel out of their control. They don't choose the tragedies in their past. They don't choose addiction.

#MentalHealth #Addiction #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #SubstanceUseDisorders #PTSD #Trauma #compassion #Sympathy #Empathy #AddictionRecovery #Recovery

I used to discuss with clients how to transition from letting things and people define me in my journey. For instance, I struggled with discussing my mental health and challenges, feeling as though they controlled me because I stigmatized myself. So, each day, I asked myself what small action I could take to define my journey. I sought support only from qualified individuals, eventually empowering me to avoid being defined by others’ unhelpful and problematic beliefs and opinions.

Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection immediately. It’s about taking small steps to realize your potential, and that’s empowering too. Remember you got this even on your hardest days and that reaching out for help processing and going through challenging moments is more a sign of strength.

Also, it is not about not having those moments or challenging thoughts or memories that define progress. It’s about how you relate, define, process and acknowledge them because sometimes our biggest milestones and progress are the things that are unseen in our journey that we don’t realize are progress.  #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #BipolarDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #Anxiety #Depression #LearningDisabilities #SubstanceUseDisorders #Neurodiversity

I always felt like my time on this earth was limited.
When I was a little girl, I lived in my head because the “reality” that I would make in my head was so much safer. As the sun went down and the sky grew darker and darker I would lie in bed with my eyes closed trying to drift to sleep trying to come up with a new reality in my head but all that I could think about was how scared I was. When I did fall asleep, I’d wake up and just cry. I have done that for as long as I can remember. My dad has been an alcoholic since before I was born and my mother was a workaholic. My dad was never really a dad to me but took my brother (who has Down syndrome) to every sports game ever. I used to beg my mom to leave my dad. The only time my dad and I spoke was when he was yelling at me. The first time I ever spoke about suicide was to my mom one night after weeks of being yelled at, and crying myself to sleep every night by my narcissistic father during my freshman year. I looked at my mom and said, “ I feel like the world would be a better place if I wasn’t in it.” At this point, I’ve been self-harming for two years. I found out my mom was having an affair when I was 15 and at 16, I moved with my mom and little brother. A few months later I was raped by my boyfriend I was dating at the time. In 2015, I began dating someone I thought was the love of my life. He fooled me because he was a psychopath. This psychopath introduced me to meth. I had been dabbling with drugs since High School and a very committed pot smoker since 7th grade but meth quickly consumed every ounce of my body, my mind, and my spirit. I was living with a psychopath, enduring abuse every day and then smoking meth to numb every emotion I had. On August 28, 2017, he attacked me pulled a loaded gun out, and told me he was going to take my life and then his. That was the last time I used it for the next 5 1/2 years. I began drinking, using cocaine, and popping benzodiazepines every night and when I didn’t have to work that day then it was all day. February 27, 2018, 10 days after my 23rd birthday I attempted to take my own life. I was sent to a psych ward where I spent three days and then my dad picked me up and took me to rehab. I stayed a month and moved in with my dad, step mom and brother. I had my new diagnosis of bipolar, I was on medication, I started going to meetings and aftercare and I was doing good until I started drinking again. I was drinking 1 sometimes 2 bottles of wine a night and stopped taking my medication. October 17, 2018, I was date raped. I woke up the next morning, naked and drove home while still intoxicated. When I parked and started walking towards the house, my dad came out and we started fighting and that night I took roughly 40 or more different medications. I woke up in the ER throwing up and all I remember feeling was pissed. I was sent to another psychiatric ward and spent 5 days. I moved in 2019 to my moms and step dads and I significantly reduced my drinking and got a really good job. I moved back to my hometown two years later to live with my grandpa and my grandma who has stage 7 Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t too long until my old lifestyle slowly creeped in. I was living at the bars, doing cocaine and then in the summer of 2022, I relapsed on meth. The biggest lie I have ever told myself was that I had control over my addiction. I became the biggest liar to everyone around me, including myself. I was getting myself into awful, scary situations and it didn’t matter and I stopped taking my medications. My body also started doing some scary stuff. I started experiencing vasoconstriction and that led to me seeing a rheumatologist because I was convinced that what I was experiencing was an autoimmune disease and not caused by me poisoning my body every chance I got. In August of 2023, I was raped and two months later, I finally admitted to myself that I needed help. I detoxed by myself in my room and after three weeks, I used again. In December, I went to the ER and they asked if I wanted help and I declined and then two weeks later they called me again and I accepted help but I never followed through. January 8th, I was at my suppliers house and around 4:00 AM I looked at him and said I was done and I meant it…. After being clean for a couple weeks, I couldn’t stop feeling really really depressed. That feeling that I’ve had since I was a little girl was still so strong. I just wanted to die. I wrote a suicide note which is something I didn’t do the last two attempts but this time, I really really thought I wouldn’t wake back up to have to deal with the consequences of trying to kill myself for the third time. February 13, 2024, I had my outpatient group meeting and when it got to my turn to talk about how I was doing, I didn’t say much, all I could think about was my note. After group, I had my therapy appointment over video and I started telling her that I was “tired” and that “ I wanted to go out fast.” She told me that I either drive myself to the ER now or she has to call the police. I drove myself to the ER and started to tear up. I walked in and saw my best friend of 7 years who works at the ER. The same best friend that sat with me while I was on my first 50-1-50 hold before being transferred out. I was in the ER for 1 1/2 days and then transferred to the psych ward. I spent 7 days and was put on new medications and I left to ward feeling like a new person and for the first time in my life I didn’t have suicidal thoughts. In the beginning of March, I met someone from my outpatient groups and we were glued. He had two weeks clean and I was a little over two months clean. One morning, I called him and when I went to his house he was high. He told me he used the night before and I said, “ Ok. This is your only day” and then I drove us to my supplier’s house. 76 days down the drain. I was the highest I’ve been since the first time I ever smoked meth. The next day, I couldn’t drive, I was hurting all over, I could barely walk and I definitely wanted to die. Today, I have 11 days clean and I don’t know what’s next for my life but I do know that I want to help others who have been through similar situations and let them know that they are not alone. I want to share my story. #MentalHealth #SubstanceUseDisorders #SuicidalThoughts #Addiction #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #Depression