Harder and harder to hold on
Yesterday, I showered for the first time in a week after spending the entire time in bed. I missed an exam because I simply could not bring myself to go, and also, have not been able to study. Today after not sleeping the entire night, I decided I would go grocery shop and put my sheets to wash so that I would not be able to lay again. I did something nice for myself while I was out and bought myself a floser bouquet.
But by the time I got home, I was exhausted. I only put stuff in the fridge and left everything else in the bags on the floor and went to sleep.
Now I lay here convincing myself to stay alive. To think about how it could impact the people left behinf. But it's hard, 'cause, as aweful as it sound, what will I care after since I will already be sweet nothingness. It's just getting harder and harder and I just really can't do life.
#Depression #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #CPTSD