Suicidal Thoughts

I have a lot of passive suicidal thoughts. My therapist says I have chronic suicidality. Problem is I live in a group home for disabled people and some of the staff have called 911 when I mention suicidal thoughts so the hospital told me not to tell them so I don’t keep going for unnecessary psych evals. However not talking about the thoughts makes them stronger. I don’t know how to cope.

Something stupid happened at work the other night, really wasn’t a big deal but the way it hit me, I bottomed out and have wanted to die ever since. Long story short, I have been suicidal most of my life but been able to keep it in check. This feels different. I’m at work now, not clocked in yet, sitting in the break room crying. I have a therapy session tomorrow, I just want to be able to last that long. #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #Anxiety #Depression

Years ago my dad took me to a dietitian and they put me on this weight loss pill called Adipex and it damaged my whole face with deep acne scars even worse when I stopped taking the pill a few years later I gained back more weight than i was before. My highest weight has been 190 pounds. My dad is really bothering me about my weight. I am on Mounjaro right now. I do want to lose all the weight permanently but my face is damaged and I have been to more than one different dermatologist. It looks like there are holes diged into my face. He wanted to put me back on the same weight loss pill that damaged my skin and I had to fight him. It is so annoying because he thinks he knows everything that is why I don’t always listen to him or my mom because I feel like they don’t always have knowledge about stuff even though my dad is well educated; my mom doesn’t have the most education and worked in retail her whole life. I am not even the prettiest girl even when I was 90 pounds; I didn’t like the way I looked. All the really good looking attractive guys always turned me down and never really payed interest me. I have been called ugly so many times.
#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Disability #ADHD #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #Depression #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Psychosis #Anxiety #AutismSpectrumDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #PTSD

I wish someone would have told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but baby girl, nobody knows
And even I can't teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line #Grief #SuicidalThoughts #Depression #Anxiety