I have been diagnosed with BPD. Today is Day 3 single parenting while my wife works. The kids woke me up at 6.30am. I'm exhausted. They're loud, over stimulated, bored and bickering. I'm sick of them. I've sent them to their room to tidy because I can't bear to be around them. When I asked them to tidy their room my 10yo said 'why'. I snapped at her 'because I asked you to'. They scarpered. Told my wife. I thought I'll just get a sitter, head out and find a quiet place to take an overdose. She arranged for the kids to be looked after by family for the day.
She's just left and I am weeping on the sofa. With all her work lately I recognise that what's happened today is I'm feeling abandoned and the BPD means I take this to be true when it's not and triggers my internal alarm system. She's been reassuring and told me I'm not abandoned and that she loves me but I can't help feeling it. And now I've forced them all away and I am alone at home anyway - abandoned again. I know this is BPD and a believe what Nicole is telling me but my body and brain won't stop telling me I'm abandoned. I think I'm safely through the active suicidality I was feeling. I now have a day alone with nothing to do. I'm worried I won't cope and will lapse again. I don't know what to do.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SuicidalThoughts
Latest
1 reaction •
1 comment
