Suicidal Thoughts

It’s been ages since I have been here. Actually, I went through a lot. This month was just crazy and I was completely clueless about what was happening. It was really really hard for me. Everything.. I had the worst heartbreak and everything got so complicated. I got extremely suicidal.. And, it got to the point where I literally messaged my therapist that I didn’t want to continue living anymore. I was just too numb to bear the pains and felt completely shattered. I also hurt myself badly. I literally felt I was losing myself.. It felt as if I had lost everything.. And,I was constantly blaming myself...
At that time, I felt like I had no one.. I was feeling horryfyingly lonely.. Carrying all these pains alone made it harder than it was supposed to be..My best friend tried everything to reach out to me but I just locked myself away. I distanced myself from everyone and everything. My social anxiety got worse and I was too scared to come out of my room. Life felt like it stopped. I faced harsh realities, traumas, and cruel behavior from my own family, especially from my father. I still remember how broken I felt when I noticed the indifference in his eyes. I was scared, broken, and so done with life because I didn’t know what would happen next. I felt I just wanna disappear... I was too broken to face anything..
It was just so hard. Probably in these past three years, I have never felt this vulnerable. I can't explain how much I cried. I got aggressive.. Life felt very much unknown and broken. I felt like I disappointed everyone.. Those who stood by me through everything.. Especially my mother 💔. The guilt was overwhelming.. I felt I couldn’t give the justice my mother deserved for everything she did for me.. She fought against the world just to protect me.. So,the feeling of failing her was haunting..
And,it took me a lot to share these vulnerable moments I faced this month but I choose to be myself and opened up about it here... This has always been my home where I found myself. It’s my forever comfort zone.. So,sharing all these here just feels so comforting... #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether