Traumatic Brain Injury

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Undiagnosed and frustrated

I'm getting really fed up that I'm not getting diagnosed with ADHD. I read up on it almost daily and see posts/articles from other people, and I have all of the symptoms. The only difference for me is that I have had a traumatic brain injury (TBI), so all of the doctors keep focusing just on that. Yes, the TBI is probably the root cause of the issue, but if that issue is causing symptoms that exactly mirror ADHD symptoms, why not come at it from an ADHD standpoint??? I genuinely feel that trying to treat it as ADHD would help me in my daily life so much.. why is everyone so reluctant to giving that a shot? I'm so defeated and frustrated 😞 Any and all advice/similar personal experiences would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏻

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Undiagnosed and so frustrated

I'm getting really fed up that I'm not getting diagnosed with ADHD. I read up on it almost daily and see posts/articles from other people, and I have all of the symptoms. The only difference for me is that I have had a traumatic brain injury (TBI), so all of the doctors keep focusing just on that. Yes, the TBI is probably the root cause of the issue, but if that issue is causing symptoms that exactly mirror ADHD symptoms, why not come at it from an ADHD standpoint??? I genuinely feel that trying to treat it as ADHD would help me in my daily life so much.. why is everyone so reluctant to giving that a shot? I'm so defeated and frustrated 😞 Any and all advice/similar personal experiences would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏻

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The Darkness and the Road to finding the Light

As Mental Health Awareness Month draws to a close, there is a lot I want to say, but the words and thoughts swirl. This isn’t a pity party, it is what I hope will show strength and dignity… but most of all acceptance to say “I can’t keep going this way”.

To look into the eyes of darkness and to realize what it was and to stand up and say “I need help” that and even now was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The biggest part of this journey is saying “Suidcide is Selfish”, in a lot of cases, that is so 100% not true and comes from judgment towards someone who is sick. “What about my faith” some would ask, my faith is the only thing that kept me going in recovery. It was the same talks by Jeffrey R. Holland and Dieter F. Uchtdorf that kept me going.

What has the journey over the past year shown me…. I was given a deck of cards stacked against myself and my husband that we had no choice but to keep drawing losing hands.

I suffered a severe Traumatic Brain Injury on 12/31/2019 and by the time I was ready for all the help I needed to recover, the world shut down. No physical therapy, no speech therapy, and no occupational therapy. We met with my sports med doctor, but even to meet with a Neuro back Opthamologist… I had to wait. I waited until almost July to receive treatment and only then, did I receive Physical Therapy. It became my husband and I to figure out how to do other parts of my recovery without medical care. I eventually became the patient and the caregiver over time… gone was “NO, it is too soon for this” and it had come to me challenging myself to do things. Not having patience, grace, and empathy.. It was “You know you knew how to do this before so go do it” I would fail each and every time. I wouldn’t rest my body, I kept going and kept having setback after setback.

When we moved to Utah, I felt like I HAD to be better. I didn’t set up the help I needed and the masking of life began. strived to mask my injury, the subsequent lasting effects I was trying to get over, and the mental exhaustion. I went and did things I was 100% not ready for and when I couldn’t do it… I thought that everyone was passing judgment. I didn’t want to be the patient anymore

Social Media was no help, I had joined a few TBI survivor groups that also had caregiver members. Little did I know what I was reading was not someone in my position as a patient should ever read. Caregivers divorcing their spouses left and right because it became too much over the years. I feared 100% that I was going to lose my world and hurt everyone because I, the TBI patient, could not figure out life at all.

Last fall, I hit about the lowest point. I was about to learn the lesson I hated most “Time was my enemy and Time was my friend.” I sat in the dark about a year ago, with a bottle of pills. I felt so lost and I was angry. I didn’t know why…. But I was just angry at what I was. Existing to Fail. My only accomplishments were failure in my eyes. I had failed myself, my husband, our blended family, my family, my friends.

I did end up taking the pills and regretted it. I felt like I didn’t deserve this amazing gift of Life Heavenly Father gave me. I learned in the week after, I wasn’t alone. People showed up, we had a support network for myself, my husband, and our kids. I wanted to recover in dignity and we tried to have our kids outside of the darkness I was battling.

However, my entire life shut down again. No working, no household management, nothing… I was to sit and recover. It was as if it was early 2020 for me all over again. I started therapy immediately and until I could get in for my first session, #988 became a lifeline. I used every tool I could get my hands on to stay safe. Things changed rapidly and it wasn’t until Thanksgiving I was even able to cook again.

As I started to recover, I realized, while Covid took a lot from everyone, it took my recovery. I did not have the care I needed to be safe and to recover. We did the best we could and the strive to not fail was a perfection that I would never achieve.

1 year later, I am healthy. I realized I wasn’t selfish for wanting to end it all. I was in a place that felt extremely hopeless. One thing didn’t just put me there… It was time and a series of events that I didn’t have coping skills to handle.

People with TBI’s no longer have fully functional brains and no one injury is a like. The chemistry is altered and things like ADHD meds, Anti - Anxiety Medications, and Antidepressants are hard to figure out because your brain has some mis-fires.

Even beyond that, you can’t just go to someone who is depressed and say “Cheer up” and expect them to be like “OHHHH I hadn’t thought of that” Often depression is someone that you can’t find your way out of. Life compounds on it and you don’t have a healthy outlook. Some, like me, won’t ask for help. We feel as if we have become a burden

Often we hear after someone chooses to take their life “I never suspected they were in trouble” however, you look and start to see the signs that something wasn’t okay. Take those signs and be observant. Anger is often one of the signs someone isn’t okay, they are just angry at everything and it’s because they don’t know what is going on. Complacency is the scariest part, they are accepting that there isn’t help and now how are they going to fix it themselves.

It isn’t selfishness at all, it is being so far gone in a thick, dense, black fog, that light can’t reach. The person is normally scared, unsure what to do, and looking to stop the hurt. No one wants to be in pain.

A year later, I am 100% on a good path to continue to recover… I can say I remember a year ago, and I still have to remind myself to breathe because it scares me what I was in. I am safe now, but that place was the scariest unknown I have ever been in.

While everyone could have said “you need to do this”, it was ultimately up to me to do the work to get better. I had to look long and hard in the mirror and want to live for the person I was staring at. Looking back at pictures, there was no life in my eyes or my smile. I was faking every second. I now know I am worth something and I pray I never go back into the darkness. I have safeguards in place and I now know the path I was on, it wasn’t anything I could fix. I needed medical professionals to help me recover from something that took away my ability to walk and talk. My husband could not be a caregiver 24/7, we had kids to keep entertained in quarantine, he had to work, there were things… we just didn’t know the lack of medical care at the time would impact me so greatly years later. People can mask and act like it’s all good and be hurting so much on the inside…. And the biggest lifeline anyone in any relationship has… is communication.

#SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide

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If your pet could talk, what would they say about you?

My two boys would say “Mommy can be sad sometimes but I know she loves me so much” #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorder #TraumaticBrainInjury #MightyTogether #LGBTQIA #KetamineTherapy

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Something you want bad but don’t have the money to get?

Intravenous Ketamine treatment! It’s about 1,000.00 per treatment! #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorder #TraumaticBrainInjury #MightyTogether #LGBTQIA #KetamineTherapy

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Battle of the generations!

Which one are you? Don’t mind me while I enjoy this martini! #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorders #MightyTogether #TraumaticBrainInjury #LGBTQ #KetamineTherapy

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What’s the dumbest, funniest way you’ve been injured.

The dumbest way I’ve been injured: cut off the tip of my thumb chopping green onions while drunk! But I’ve been sober for 13 years now so no more drunken cooking for me! 😉 #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorder #MightyTogether #TraumaticBrainInjury #KetamineTherapy

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What three items would you purchase to make the cashier uncomfortable. Could be Home improvement store, grocery store or whatever you an think of!

My purchase would be duct tape, Clorox and and an axe 🪓 #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorder #MightyTogether #LGBTQIA #TraumaticBrainInjury #KetamineTherapy

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We are in need of a new co-leader for MHC to encourage, empower, & support our members. I make a APPEAL to current members - PLEASE read below!

We are currently looking for a new Co-Leader for the Multiple Health Challenges group. We are growning fast and just passed 2,200 members. This is really exciting to me, however to be honest, I have been very frustrated that there is less activity recently and as our membership grows steadily the number of comments & replies has actually diminished. Our old co-leader Chris is no longer with the group and we need to have others step up and make up for her commitment to regularly respond to posts and comments. This means a collective effort from everyone in the group! I have had numerous layers of serious physical & mental health challenges recently and not been as active as I would like in order to step back and focus on self-care. This is a time having another co-leader to pick up the slack is essential!

My last post about hobbies was actually first posted 16 months ago (when we had at least 1,000 less members) and it got over 200 ❤️ & 👍and 100 comments then! It got only ONE this time. And Laura made a great post about disability after that and it got only two responses as well. When new members open up and post to introduce themselves and then get very little response that is even worse. I fear that new members will see this and not be active moving forward. This is OUR group everybody and it functions best when members support other members. We all have our varied health histories and with them the knowledge and wisdom we’ve garnered along the way! PLEASE let’s share these with each other. Without this empathy and understanding this group is falling short of what I first envisioned when I started the group and what it’s capable of.

For a co-leader I am looking for someone to welcome new members, comment or respond to posts and other comments & replies, and make new posts to the group. It is important for the group to have distinctly different voices to support people because people might relate more to either of us. What is a really good situation is if we both respond to the same posts, welcome new members from different perspectives and provide voices for people that are accessible and relatable. There is a commitment needed that you monitor activities on the group regularly and can respond pretty quickly.

Offering your own posts provides more content for the group. I can assist and support by offering to look at your new posts for feedback and editing before you post if you would like, will comment on your posts to get the responses going to best support your efforts, and I can help finding memes or images.

I look at potential leaders' history of posts and/or comments that have helped and supported others in the past. Willingness to be honest and open about your own health challenges is crucial to best support people.

You will get access to the Community Leaders group and your name will have a “Group Leader” tab next to it up top on your comments and responses so I think people pay attention especially to your activity and wisdom shared from your personal experience. Would you consider joining me on this journey? Let’s have a DM chat to discuss this! Thanks for considering taking on this role!

In service,
Moshe
@moshemhc

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Chronicpainwarrior #Disability #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BipolarIIDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Schizophrenia #AspergersSyndrome #Autism #Dementia #Concussion #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Cancers #TraumaticBrainInjury #BrainInjury #LossOfAParent #Grief #Suicide #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #HIVAIDS #MightyQuestions #DownSyndrome #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Deafness #neckpain #BackPain #CongestiveHeartFailure #Migraine #COVID19 #PeripheralNeuropathy #LymeDisease #Diabetes #EatingDisorder #Headache #Stroke #Cancer #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Disability #thankful #grateful #CocaineDependence #drugaddiction #Alcoholism #PTSD #EmotionalHealth #physicalhealth #PainAcceptance #Acceptance #relief #Selflove #Selfcare #MentalHealthHero #TheMighty #RareDisease #MightyTogether #RareDisease

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#MentalHealth #physicalhealth #BPD

I passed out and hit my head a month ago.

They said TBI and Brain Bleed.

MRI and CatScan ,EEG, Xrays, EKG showed no Cause.

I have Headaches every day.

My main problem is I have Suicidal Ideation every day.

I don't have a plan or want to follow through but the Thoughts are Annoying.

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