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Cyclothymic Mom parenting Adult children- Son with Bipolar, Daughter with BPD. #Parenting , #Adultchildren , #RejectedParents , #victim , #anger

So my two children. Son age 21, Daughter28 have both in the past- Told ppl I beat them/ which never happened once, accused me of other abuses, when in fact they spent years Gaslighting me & Verbally @ Emotionally abusing me. Their father died 8 yrs ago/ & it seems they converted their Grief to Rage against me.

I have gone to therapy & so have they. Recently I took another hiatus from my daughter for a couple months, because she was back to telling lies and emotionally abusing me.
Today for the first time in two months I spent time with her and my son face-to-face, at the lake. I was completely amazed at how much anger I have towards her. It was difficult for me to listen to her talk about how one of her friends accused her of things that she never did, and told other people that she did things she never did, and how unfairly she was treated- when in fact that was exactly what she's done to me for years. It triggered me big time! I was afraid of what might come out of my mouth, if I spoke about the parallels in the moment, so I just nodded and sympathized a little and then change the subject.
I'm at home now, and I am still so angry, and I don't know how to deal with the situation, because she refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoings that she's ever done ever to me.
Her recent absence from my Life has enabled me to not be on constant guard all the time. So Today- it was really difficult to shine those comments on. Plus- Its difficult not to wonder if what she said was True at all- or just a deliberate (successful) attempt at triggering me.
I want to wring her neck! & I- at this moment- really dont care if I dont see her for six more months.
Nothing good ever comes of our get together's..

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Fear of love, fear of abandonment #CPTSD #HSP #Depression #Anxiety #Adultchildren

I have an hour left on my birthday. I really did try really hard to navigate through today so it was not a complete bust. Didn’t sleep well last night so my day started with me just feeling crappy. Called a Warmline, cried and tried to share all the different things that contributed to why I didn’t sleep and why I felt so crappy. Could not articulate all my feelings, only the main one, extreme sadness.

After the call I managed to get out of bed and start my day dreading the calls to come. First the call from my mother, going through the fake cheer. Had to thank her for a gift of something I already have. Then the fake call from my sister. She couldn’t talk long because she had back to back meetings. Don’t know why she even bothered to call. I never hear from her. Then a call from my eldest brother. He wished me happy birthday then ask if I was at work. I’m on disability, been on it for 5 years. Had a part job that I haven’t worked at since the shut down last Nov. He then went on to talk about what’s going on in his life…I let him. Few hours go by my sister in law called. We had a nice chat….it took her over 30 min to try and get my other brother to take the phone..he was busy doing something. Eventually she said he will call later. He called a few hours later talked for a few minutes then somehow I was passed back off to my sister in law . That’s fine have more in coming with her anyways. Finally the last to call was my father…I guess it took that long for my mom to get him to call. I got a few texts, emails from “friends”. This is the annual play.

I had to stay at home waiting on the delivery for a gift of a new laptop from my loving family that I don’t need since I bought one months earlier because my old one crashed in Dec. So then UPS, the most undependable courier company to exist failed to deliver. So I wasted my day waiting on a delivery/gift that has to be returned anyway. So I could not even leave the house and at least redeem a part of my day. Now I will have to do the same tomorrow. It hard to not start to wonder if UPS is in league with my family.

I know this post probably sounds like meaningless ramblings of nothing too outrageously hurtful or bad. I might even think so if I only read it thinking this only happened once, or it only happenes on my birthday. My family doesn’t even know why I’m on disability in any detail, if they do they sure as hell didn’t hear it from me. They never ask, never talk about it. They don’t want anything of what’s really going on in my life. As one brother said to me a few years ago “it’s not relevant”.I guess I’m not relevant. At the time he was trying to convince me l needed to join a gym. Just some random solution he came up with on his own which would solve all my problems that he knows nothing about.

Read the letter in link and then some of you may get why I titled this post fear of love. For me it explains why I do.

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#adultchildrenofalcoholics Resources

So I've been actively going to meetings for a few months now and today I learned about some resources that might be helpful for others who might be looking to do more with their own recovery.

The WSO send it a daily e-news letter with the daily meditation for the day. You can sign up here:

There is a team-up calendar with a lot of online meetings from around the world. It is a lot less overwhelming than trying to navigate the WSO page and everything there is up to date.


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Returned text.

My 36 year old daughter returned my texts from about a week or 2. She contacted some time between Christmas and New Years.
Back story, she was given a diagnosis about 4 years ago, for her mental health. She chose not to seek treatment. I did the whole pick up from county and bring her home about 3 years ago. Day 3 of staying with me. She became very hateful. I told her she wasn't going to stay with me if she was going to treat me that way. I end up with a black eye. Following day get a restraining ord. A week or 2 after it expired. 2 years was the length of the RO. I ask her what she needs and she tells me that I'm the only one that understands her. I had just started therapy. I asked her if she was receiving help. She came up with some reason of why in 2 years time, she didn't attend any type of help.
Any way, Christmas. She text me wanting to know names of men that abused me before she was born. I wrote her text explaining she didn't need to worry about that. They were both dead. A few days later I remembered her saying she needed closure. It hit me she may have been suicidal. So I text her and let her know I wanted to see if she was feeling better. That she was in my prayers. This evening I get a text from her telling me she didn't want my prayers, that if I didn't give her f***ing money she was going to delete my number and never speak to me again. It didn't end there, but after a few more insults. I blocked her from texting my phone.
I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up, but part of me keeps saying I'm her mom and I should try to help. I've told her in the past that I'm not a professional and that's what she needs. I buried 2 infant sons before her birth and she is my 1 and only. Give me your thoughts. Thank you for listening.
#CheckInWithMe #DistractMe #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Depression #Anxiety #Christianity #Family #Adultchildren #wherenow


Family members #Family #Estrangement #Adultchildren

Has anyone here become estranged from an adult family member who majored in psychology? They look with disdain upon me because I am chronically ill. Before their graduate degree in psychology, the loved me just fine. Now I am not good enough for them.


needing #financialhelp

I need financial help from my #Adultchildren. my husband talked to his Son and he said he wanted to talk to my daughters and his sister first. I texted and wrote my daughter yesterday and she hasn’t responded.

it’s frightening. I’ll do whatever she wants no help, anyway she wants.

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NF Inspired Art

I wish that I could look at you with empathy
Sometimes I feel like I've become what you were scared to be
Which makes it really hard to look at you with sympathy
'Cause if I'm feeling bad for you, then I have to feel bad for me
That's why I'm always looking down on you, I know it hurts
I'll be here for you if things get worse #Lyrics #Love #52SmallThings #Addiction #Anxiety #Depression #ACOA #Adultchildren


Introduction-Hello All #Journaling #Fibromyalgia #Depression #Adultchildren #Collitis

Newbie here! Just wanted to reach out and say hello. My doctor has suggested that I start journaling even if it is just one word a day. I suffer from depression, fibromyalgia, colitis and relationship issues with my adult child. Looking forward to reading your posts. Loretta


How do I best support my 25 y.o. daughter who suffers from anxiety PTSD without making situations & flareups worse #MentalHealth

My 4 20-somethings have dealt with mental health issues on and off. But most recently my 25 year old daughter is struggling/suffering with anxiety and now it's escalated to having delusions and aggression. She's been stressed out about her job lately and hasn't been able to sleep and lives on her own. My question is how can I best support my daughter and not make the situation worse Are there any other parents of older kids who can give me some advice? #Adultchildren


thinking ofTexting my adult children #Adultchildren

I want to but I’m tearing up just thinking about it. I don’t want to bother them. I wish they would reach out to me just because. I guess it’s what I deserve. I’m getting a migraine stressing over it. I asked them to send me a picture over the holidays. None showed up, not even on on my phone. They say they love me. But no check ins or random pictures come. They wouldn’t even feel the difference if I was gone. I guess I did that.