Amphetamine Dependence

One of my adult sons just sent me this and I burst out crying because I can relate so much to every line myself.

My son and I are a lot alike. We both need other people in our lives to help us feel loved, validated and to recharge our emotional batteries. It is clearly a big ask for the people in our lives. We are not difficult or overly demanding, but we definitely struggle to feel secure and have inner peace. We think we were born into the wrong family because they find our chronic illness needs burdensome.

Honestly, probably anyone with chronic health problems, mental or physical, feels like a burden to their loved ones sometimes. I am here today to remind you that it is not your fault that you have this neverending challenge that requires extra support from others. Hear me? IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

Sharing this beautiful paragraph brought my son and I closer, so I am giving it to all of you to use too.

Peace and Love.

#apathy #Anxiety #MentalHealth #AlcoholDependence #AmphetamineDependence #Addiction #AlcoholAbuse #ADHD #Caregiving #AnorexiaNervosa #AspergersSyndrome #Agoraphobia #Autism #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #BackPain #CeliacDisease #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS

I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful kids. We had a perfect life. The house. The nice car. A nice job. A place of our own. Happiness. A strong relationship. Then one night I made an irrational impulsive decision. A five minute scenario that cost me everything. And landed me with a criminal record, a loss of my job, a lack of income, an eviction notice, a busted transmission on my car and no way to fix it. And now My family falls asleep at the shelter each night. Case workers. Action plans. Meetings. Curfews. Room checks. I had the American dream, the picture perfect life. And now I have nothing to show for it. My children don’t have a room of their own. My relationship is constant arguing. I’m an asshole. I say things I don’t mean. I’m resentful. I’m depressed. I’m suicidal. I can’t enjoy the small things. I compare everything to how it used to be. The only time I’m not planning a means of ending my life is when I’m under the influence of drugs. I used to get high at shows, at festivals, with friends and my wife to have fun. Now I get high to feel anything but reality. I hurt all the time. I hate my life and im to blame for this struggle. My choices not only affected me but they affect my kids and my wife. I just wanna be high. I feel awful because I can barely enjoy my children anymore. Their smiles and laughter just makes me ache now. I don’t have a home. I let my family down. I never see my wife anymore, she’s working a dead end job that takes up all her time. I have no purpose. I don’t see anything getting better. Everyday is the same. I just wanna be high, I don’t wanna wake up. I don’t wanna feel. I don’t wanna think. I don’t wanna tell people how badly I want to hurt myself or die and them not truly understand the extent of just HOW BADLY I want things to end, but the fear of the afterlife, the possibility of a hell, letting my family down, keeping me in fear from acting out on it. But one day I won’t give a shit. I know I won’t be high forever. And god knows I’ll miss my kids. But I can’t do it. And I’ve never told the public. I’ve never spoke out on it. But fuck. I can’t do it. I can’t keep pushing through these days with this weight upon my chest. Fake smiles. Pointless conversation. Lack of connection to anyone and anything. Lack of purpose. Lack of motivation. #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #Selfharm #Suicide #SuicideOnTheBrain #SocialAnxiety #Grief #Guilt #Parenting #LGBT #Death #CocaineDependence #OpioidDependence #AmphetamineDependence #HallucinogenDependence #SubstanceRelatedDisorders