BadMemories

I could have gone to a July 4th gathering this morning. I did not go. I do not like FB. I see the pictures and am very so slightly wondering what was I thinking staying home? I have bad memories from way back one July 4th. I also sometimes need time and space for me. I actually did some writing/inner work this morning at home while that gathering was going on. And did a few things around the house. Am proud of myself for being me today and doing what I want to do. Even if others are doing something else. I have to take care of me. Want to do better and be better.

Just learned my husband once saw my abusive mother do what she used to do but in public. Long long before we started talking again. I don’t remember this happening and I don’t blame him for not knowing what to do we were kids but learning that he knew or saw a glimpse of what I endured and survived is sorta nice in a “you know what I’m talking about” kinda way. Even though he didn’t go through it. He saw how others ignored us and continued on. Even in church. Weird that he remembers something I don’t. Just makes me feel sick though knowing how he saw everyone’s reaction and that still in a room full of people that no one did anything. He says when people say “ya but its her mom “ he brings that up to defend me and I did not know that and it’s nice knowing that someone stuck up for me in the only way he could as kids. #abusivemother #PTSD #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma #BadMemories

Current Mode: Curled up on my bathroom floor hugging the commode. Using toilet paper for a pillow.

#bowelobstruction #vomitbowel #Gastroparesis #GastroIntestinalSpecialist #BackPain #Backinjury #DegenerativeDiscDisease #discherniation #SpinalStenosis #exposednerve #StressSeizures #Smothered #RestrictiveLungDisease #Lowbloodpressure #lightheaded #bathroomfloor #ChronicIllness #RheumatoidArthritis #Osteoarthritis #UncontrolableNausea #PelvicFloorDysfunction #Pelvicpain #Vulvadonyia #Surgery #ColonSurgery #ExcisionSurgery #Backsurgery #Biopsy #Colonoscopy #Endoscopy #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Adenmyosis #Endometriosis #OvaryPain #medications #malnourished #Malnourishment #Canteat #BipolarDepression #Depression #CPTSD #PTSD #Flashbacks #Nightmares #BadMemories #Trauma #MentalHealth #UntoldStory #Nosupportsystem #Selfharm #Selfinjury #Riskybehavior #EatingDisorders #overwhelmed #overdone #OverStressed #Stress