Effexor

I have lived all of my 64 years (that I can remember) being depressed. I didn't know what it was until my 20s, and read a book called REALITY THERAPY which described my symptoms very well, and offered me hope for the first time. I started therapy soon after, but living with depression ever since.
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I have been in regular therapy since that time, and have had a wide variety of therapists, and a wide variety of antidepressants in those years. I'm currently on Effexor XR 300mg per day, and have been for over 10 years. It seems to have worked better for me than others I had in the previous years.
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Still, the best that I ever feel is what I think 'normal' people feel when they say they're depressed. I call it "neutral", although when I'm questioned by a therapist or doctor, they classify it as 'depressed'. For me, that "neutral" state feels like a huge relief, and a time to freely exhale, and otherwise let my body loose, and to relax. But like I said, the doctors say that I am still depressed then, just not as much as I usually am.
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Twenty years ago, a new doctor told me that the reason I wasn't getting better was because I was misdiagnosed, and he diagnosed me with Bipolar type 2. I started on Depakote as a mood stabilizer, and stayed on antidepressants as well. Then came a diagnosis of ADHD, and I have been on Ritalin ever since. I spent decades on the combination and still fought depression every step of the way.
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Last year I was switched from Depakote to Lithium, at a high dose, and because doctors didn't check my blood levels each month, I ended up with severe Lithium toxicity, and near death. I was taken to a hospital with a Trauma Center a hundred miles away, and spent the next week there hooked to three IVs, and constant medical attention. I'm still recuperating at home.
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My current psychiatrist doesn't agree with the previous Bipolar 2 diagnosis, but thinks it may be something else. C-PTSD seems to fit in a myriad of ways with me. But now I am wondering if even some level of Autism fits with me. It's hard for me to tell what might be actual symptoms that I have, and what might just be coincidences.
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If my depression is not coming from 'depression', per sé, but is coming from C-PTSD or Autism, would that explain why the antidepressants and talk therapy over the years have never truly gotten rid of it? Or does it not make any difference, and I'm just whistling in some dark alley somewhere? I don't really have much hope any more that things can ever get any better. ♧
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#TreatmentresistantDepression
#Depression #ChronicDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #ADHD #Effexor #lithiumtoxicity #lithium #Misdiagnosed #BipolarDisorder #neurodiverse #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #SocialAnxiety #AdultDiagnosis #AutismDiagnosis #BipolarDisorderDiagnosis #Autism #UndiagnosedAutism #TheNationalAutisticSociety #AutismAcceptance #Anxiety #PTSD #CPTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfdiagnoses

I’ve been on and off antidepressants most of my life. I have been on almost all of them that are our there at one time or another and they eventually stop working. After my hospitalization in February I was put on 225 mg of Effexor. Now, I was told it’s not a good idea to stop suddenly without tapering off of it. I realized why after missing doses, most recently having horrible withdrawal symptoms a little over a week ago. I currently do not have insurance and my benefits don’t start until December at my job. I currently do not qualify for Medicaid, which is what I was on until separating from my husband in May. I am down to two days of medication and cannot get into my psychiatric nurse practitioner until the 4th. I’m terrified of the possibility of how sick it will make me and of being emotionally unstable, as I have experienced in the past when missing several doses. Only this time I cannot just remember to take a dose and fix it as I won’t have any. I guess I feel like this is more serious than I feel anyone is taking it. Like they tell you not to just go off of it and then when you tell them your situation they’re like “I don’t know what to tell you.” I just had therapy and I told my therapist I know they have an education and they have never had to be on this stuff so I don’t feel like they can fully understand. He was very empathetic and kind about it and of course there’s little he can do. I’m just frustrated and a little scared of what’s ahead. I told him if I get through the next two weeks I’m going off of it completely. He agreed that I could definitely try that if the side effects and withdrawal symptoms were that bad. My psychiatric nurse practitioner may not agree. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #CPTSD #Anxiety #Effexor #Antidepressants #withdrawal

I joined The Mighty a couple of months ago but haven’t really known what to say in a post. Tonight seems like a very appropriate time to share though.

I’ve suffered with #Anxiety for at least 10 years now. It used to just be #Depression but it seems that over the years anxiety has crept up on me & is winning a war with depression.

Some of you might know of me, I admin a page on Facebook called #depressionawareness
I created the page in 2010 & it’s very dear to my heart even though I can be a bit of an absent admin.
You can find my page by searching @DepressionAwareness2010 on Facebook. But anyhoo, this isn’t meant to be a boost for my fan page.

No, tonight is probably the worst I’ve felt for a very long time. My day started out well, I’ve recently come off #Venlafxine ( #Effexor ) & I will admit it was one hell of a fight! I’ve been completely off it for over a month now & this morning I had a review about my new med, #Sertraline
It was a successful appointment on that part.
However, I’ve been given a #betablocker to help with my blood pressure which has been climbing steadily for about a year now.

So after my appointment, my Dad, who suffers from #BipolarDisorder received an odd letter in the post. It was from a company looking for him.
After a quick Google search of the company (because you can never be too careful these days) I rang them.
We were given some horrible news.
My Uncle passed away last month & the local council were trying to find his relatives. I confirmed that he was indeed my Dad’s brother & gave them as much information as I could. It took hours & more than just one phone call. I also rang around some other family members so they didn’t get the sad news the same way we had.
I deal with phone calls in my house because my Dad is profoundly deaf.

Once I had finished with the bombardment of calls, messages & long lost relatives, I had quite the headache.
After attempting to comfort my Dad I retreated to the solace of my dark bedroom. That was about 6pm.

It was then that my mind had chance to reflect on the day. I smiled for a while at the gifts I had received from a dear friend.
However, my mind soon returned to thinking about my medications etc & something my Dr said this morning started sounding alarm bells in my head.
We had been discussing my blood pressure obviously but I told him that in one of my more stressful moments the previous week I’d had the startling clarity to check my blood pressure. I explained that my blood pressure was actually quite low at the time but my pulse rate was extremely high at a whopping 116bpm. He told me that’s because my heart is literally struggling to cope with my anxiety & stress.
I instantly started to panic.

So now, it’s after 2am, I’m tired beyond belief, but my mind just will not stop racing. Every little twitch of skin around my chest is terrifying me.

I’m running out of room to type. I didn’t realise there was a limit. I do like a nice long vent though.