undiagnosed autism

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I have a lot of exciting stuff happening but it is also very scary. I am getting married and moving to a new town in April. So much preparation needed. And I will be leaving the job I love and taking a new job (with the same company). I am so worried that it won’t be like the job I have now. I love my job! Anyway….just soooooo much to think about and do. Scary!

#ChronicMigraineSyndrome #Sarcoidosis #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #UndiagnosedAutism #ADHD #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #ChronicDepression

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Why don't antidepressants and therapy work for me and my depression? Is it something else, C-PTSD or Autism?

I have lived all of my 64 years (that I can remember) being depressed. I didn't know what it was until my 20s, and read a book called REALITY THERAPY which described my symptoms very well, and offered me hope for the first time. I started therapy soon after, but living with depression ever since.

I have been in regular therapy since that time, and have had a wide variety of therapists, and a wide variety of antidepressants in those years. I'm currently on Effexor XR 300mg per day, and have been for over 10 years. It seems to have worked better for me than others I had in the previous years.

Still, the best that I ever feel is what I think 'normal' people feel when they say they're depressed. I call it "neutral", although when I'm questioned by a therapist or doctor, they classify it as 'depressed'. For me, that "neutral" state feels like a huge relief, and a time to freely exhale, and otherwise let my body loose, and to relax. But like I said, the doctors say that I am still depressed then, just not as much as I usually am.

Twenty years ago, a new doctor told me that the reason I wasn't getting better was because I was misdiagnosed, and he diagnosed me with Bipolar type 2. I started on Depakote as a mood stabilizer, and stayed on antidepressants as well. Then came a diagnosis of ADHD, and I have been on Ritalin ever since. I spent decades on the combination and still fought depression every step of the way.

Last year I was switched from Depakote to Lithium, at a high dose, and because doctors didn't check my blood levels each month, I ended up with severe Lithium toxicity, and near death. I was taken to a hospital with a Trauma Center a hundred miles away, and spent the next week there hooked to three IVs, and constant medical attention. I'm still recuperating at home.

My current psychiatrist doesn't agree with the previous Bipolar 2 diagnosis, but thinks it may be something else. C-PTSD seems to fit in a myriad of ways with me. But now I am wondering if even some level of Autism fits with me. It's hard for me to tell what might be actual symptoms that I have, and what might just be coincidences.

If my depression is not coming from 'depression', per sé, but is coming from C-PTSD or Autism, would that explain why the antidepressants and talk therapy over the years have never truly gotten rid of it? Or does it not make any difference, and I'm just whistling in some dark alley somewhere? I don't really have much hope any more that things can ever get any better. ♧

#Depression #ChronicDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #ADHD #Effexor #lithiumtoxicity #lithium #Misdiagnosed #BipolarDisorder #neurodiverse #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #SocialAnxiety #AdultDiagnosis #AutismDiagnosis #BipolarDisorderDiagnosis #Autism #UndiagnosedAutism #TheNationalAutisticSociety #AutismAcceptance #Anxiety #PTSD #CPTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfdiagnoses


Really struggling with communication at work today...

I am really not communicating well today verbally. I feel like I'm struggling yet again to communicate about what I don't understand and to get more clarity and no matter how I approach I can't really get the results I need. I can see the frustration from people I work with but I feel like I'm being specific about what I don't understand or need support wise, but all that happens is a lot of questions that don't seem to consider the specifics I provided. They keep making assumptions about what I'm struggling with and those assumptions are really wrong so they just make me more anxious and frustrated and my communication just gets worse. Note: I have not been diagnosed with autism and am waiting for an evaluation. This so hard. I have been diagnosed bipolar1, but i dont know if other bipolar people have this issue communicating. #UndiagnosedAutism #neurodivergent #Bipolar1

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A Little History/Introduction

#CPTSD #Autism #UndiagnosedAutism As I seem to be finding some words to explain what's going through my head lately, I thought a little background might be nice for those who've read my other posts.

I grew up undiagnosed, in an intolerant, dysfunctional family back when society believed you were either physically disabled, intellectually disabled, or 'normal'. with no other options. Suffice it to say, I didn't fall into any of these categories. It was clear I was intelligent, however, even with my speech delay (hello #Hyperlexia ) so it was assumed I fit into the 'normal' category. I'll save you the horror story, but suffice it to say things did not go well. My family liked to blame me for my difficulties and pathologize pretty much everything about me. 

Yet, when, as a teen or early adult, I tried to suggest there might be an actual disability involved, I was dismissed, or told I was exaggerating, etc. As the demands for independence and other such 'adult' stuff increased, it became impossible for me to manage without a disability diagnosis, so I pushed for one. and pushed, and pushed, and pushed. Succeeded in stages. Eventually even managed to get a number of support services which have made independent living possible.

For the last 30 or so years I've focused on how to make my life 'suck the least', and have done a whole lot of work on healing my trauma and learning how to develop the relationships that are important to me, and gain the confidence to be my autistic self wherever I am. Self-advocacy was a large part of this for a long time. Lately I've had a pretty quiet life. My life in general is pretty awesome these days. COVID fatigue kinda sucks, but whatever. I'm about 90% functional as a general rule, without any of the issues that plagued me as younger adult. I'm typically pretty happy, and content with my life and at peace with myself. (I still have autism related issues, of course, but I've learned how to accept those and adapt to them so I still manage to get done everything that needs it.)

Recently, however, I've had a plague of emotional flashbacks, that I can't seem to banish. No matter what I do. I hate this current emotional reactivity I've got going. And I'm kinda at a loss about what to do about it all. Hoping tomorrow's dr's appointment will help with things.


Is an ASD diagnosis worth it? #Autism #UndiagnosedAutism

When I was a kid, my mom considered getting me diagnosed with autism, because I was showing many traits of being on the spectrum, but decided against it because she was planning on homeschooling me and she didn't want to "ruin my chances" at living a normal life and pursuing any career I wanted as I got older.
(She does come from a generation in which they used to use neurodivergency as a reason to deny them a lot of things, so her worry was technically warranted on her experience.)
But now I'm an adult and I'm in college. I've already been diagnosed with ADHD, because I really needed accomodations, and when the ADHD medication helped with some of my symptoms so I could better function I decided not to push for the ASD diagnosis I wanted.
But now I've been faced with the ever-occurring "you don't have that problem, you're not autistic" sort of scenario (even though I do have that problem) on the regular and I'm stuck.
Do I just let it go or is an official diagnosis worth it? Is it as expensive as many say it is? Will it help with my own acceptance of myself or will it just give people another reason to push me down?
I'm really struggling with this.

#Autism #AdultDiagnosis #UndiagnosedAutism


I’ve never been diagnosed with autism. I’m almost certain I’m on the spectrum. Is it autism or a bunch of other mental disorders?



How do I bring up autism with my psychiatrist?

I have a regular appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow (bipolar), and I'm hoping to ask him if I should be evaluated or something for autism. But I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a fool. Any suggestions?
#AutismDiagnosis #Autism


Could I be autistic? Or is it just a combination of other things?

I’m really confused at this point and looking for some outside opinions. A while back I came across some discriptions and such of the symptoms and experiences that went along with high functioning autism and it felt like I might be on to something, but in the end I convinced myself that it had to be something else, and I was probably making it up, and moved on to other options.

Now I have a friend with autism, and while I was talking to them they pointed out that all of the things I’ve been talking about could point to ASD. Therefore, now I’m looking back into it because if someone else noticed, then it can’t all be in my head right?

Anyway, I’m still concerned that what looks like high functioning autism to me might just be an odd combination of other things. My whole life I’ve been struggling with what I believed to be some form of social anxiety and problems with my gross motor skills, along with some sensory processing issues. Since my doctors have never been able to figure out the physical part, I wonder if maybe it’s all just a nasty combination of social anxiety disorder and SPD? I know there would be differences between that and autism but I don’t know what they would be. Can anyone give me their opinion or some advice please?
#Autism #AutismDiagnosis #UndiagnosedAutism #SocialAnxiety #SensoryProcessingDisorder