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Changing emotions - is it rational vs is it me/traits

Does anyone else struggle with balancing their thoughts/emotions, and knowing whether they are rational or whether is it me/illness?

I recently met someone, took a long time! At first they seemed nice/fun... I slowly started to noticed they were were much always talking about themselves, overcompensating, sounding a bit egotistic... but I figured okay - new relationship maybe he is just a little insecure... wants to show off since its a new relationship etc... anyway! It slowly started to make me cringe and I felt I was playing the gf role constantly listening and supporting them get to the next step (new job)... very exhausting, they drained me the laat month but they are very much into me, say they love me (which I feel is a bit soon). I have caught them lying about certain things and naturally i find that difficult to forget due to my traits. He also speaks to his friends/family about us and I feel nothing is private (again something I struggle with due to my traits).

Anyway - to round this up... the last week went out with friends and was wayyy ott smothering me, made one rude comment about how I was lucky. I pulled him up on it and he put on water works... with no water on his face just came across as fake crying in an attempt to manipulate me/make me back down. Without sounding bad he is coming off quite obsessed/bit manipulative to get me to stay with him but I don't think they have any intention of changing o4 whether they can if they are narcissistic. We only met a few months ago and it went from great spark in the first month to stress and arguments. I just know somethings off but is it me.

I know I'm not perfect and I know I can think very black/white and I have went from liking someone and finally having a relationship to feeling like this has went very fast (for once not due to me I have greater self awareness in .y 30s) to now feeling slightly repulsed like I have found myself with a horrible person. I can see how me feelings have changed quickly but is it rational or is it me and my traits are making everything seem worse? Do I end it or is this normal relationships and its just harder for those with traits?

Thanks if anyone toook the time to read this/reply. It's lonely sometimes living with b pd. I am not officially fully diagnosed. Sometimes feel I will never be able to cope with anyone.

Tc ❤️ #BPD #bpdtraits #Ego #Partner

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Egogram (Why i left Instagram)

The last major social media site i used was IG. I am a creative person and i used it for that purpose. I was kind to others, tried to be real in my posts and also supportive of others who were creative people or those who enjoyed my creativity.

Over time i met artists in a few areas that i have appreciated for years. Many of them were very kind privately but publicly adhered to this role of having to maintain a public facing ego. At the end of the day what mattered was numbers of likes, follower counts and feeling better than others it seemed although privately they were genuinely great people.

None of this probably is a surprise to anyone here reading this but after awhile i found it difficult to watch other people, creative or not, well known or not, feel as though their self worth depended on like and follower counts. It became incredibly depressing to see people liking their own posts to increase counts to inflate their status in some artificial way. It became so obvious none of it was healthy no matter how many genuine connections could be made there, the platform itself was the issue.

I had stopped using other major social media long before IG was the only one left. Extremism and negativity that prevails on all sides of every issue became overwhelming and i saw it for how nonsensical and toxic it is.

Now i spend my time offline mostly or when i'm online viewing content and not participating on platforms that deliver it otherwise (YouTube, private Twitter to see news on things i follow / enjoy / am interested in).

For years as i struggled with my own mental health i felt as though i was unhealthy, but the more i pay attention, the more i see in the world around me...

I see how far i've come and how well i'm doing considering the health issues i have. I'm not attacking people online, arguing with strangers, yelling into the void picking fights, and i'm no longer spending my time being depressed by seeing good people get turned into egomaniacs seeking likes and followers on IG.

I may not be perfect, i may still struggle at times, but as far as i can see in 2022 given life on Earth in general, i'm doing pretty well considering and that's what counts.

#SocialMedia #Instagram #Ego #MentalHealth #Awareness #selfawareness #OnlineHealth #online #Society #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #PTSD #Perspective

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I think it's the shortest word in the dictionary but extremely powerful meaning which can lead to destroy anything!!! #Ego #Depression #brokenheart

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Intelligence, Beauty & Sweetness!

Dating Apps- Ugh!
Are u one of the Gadzillion hopeful Users?

Ima gonna vent- so get yrself set & Buckle Up if yr gonna do a read thru!- Lol

The above- Every Mans check list along with 'Loves Sex & to please her man'.

Snap out of it Dude! (fingers snapping)

The part I find the most offensive? SWEET! If anybody calls me sweet Im gonna slug em...
Cmon- Im 55 yrs old- been thru HellnBack- quite Often becuz of the Harrier Sex- & if u think Im gonna B yr Cook/Maid/Noncomplaing & ultra Compliant Sex Kitten- u need to get yr head outta the porn, nonsense & fantasy channels & wake up!

Are you Sweet? What does that mean?- as it comes up on almost every dudes wish list?

Non complaining, Compliant, Doting, Beautiful & Sexy, no doubt generous & independently wealthy, perfectly fine if you have liasons on the side, give her STD'S, 'Forget her Bday, Xmas or Valentines, Rudely interrupt her without complaint, "talk" while watching TV & mumbling er ya mmm, Scratching yr Balls in Public while expecting her to show up perfectly manicured, full on make-upped, ( but appearing as if no make up & taking 10 seconds to get ready), in perfect shape while eating Jumbo Jacks & Beer with the guys- noncomplaining picking up later, after taking care of you & yr in bed snoring somewhere......

Im a Little Fed Up! Time travel back to 1950 or to the Stepford Wives & leave us normal Women alone.
Relationships dont work well with Dictators & Self Involved Ego Maniacs! # #OnlineDating , #Dating , go #Ego Maniacs, #narcissistic , #1950 's, #Men , #Sweetness , #Fed Up #Fantasy


Labels #Labels #Depression #trama #idenity #Society #Pain

I created this video as a way to heal and spread awareness. We are not our thoughts or beliefs, who we are is a deep presences that can't be understood by the mind but can be felt with the heart. #Selflove #selfcare #Meditation #Awarness #freedom #Identification #Ego #soul

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Ego V Highest Self

Many (a majority of the time) my ego is boss. I'm working on becoming my highest self. #Ego #highestself #happyfriday

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Automatic assumptions

#Anxiety #Ego Does anyone else not go to social functions or feel terrified in them because you automatically assume no one likes you or wants to hear anything you might have to say? What do you do about it?