Changing emotions - is it rational vs is it me/traits
Does anyone else struggle with balancing their thoughts/emotions, and knowing whether they are rational or whether is it me/illness?
I recently met someone, took a long time! At first they seemed nice/fun... I slowly started to noticed they were were much always talking about themselves, overcompensating, sounding a bit egotistic... but I figured okay - new relationship maybe he is just a little insecure... wants to show off since its a new relationship etc... anyway! It slowly started to make me cringe and I felt I was playing the gf role constantly listening and supporting them get to the next step (new job)... very exhausting, they drained me the laat month but they are very much into me, say they love me (which I feel is a bit soon). I have caught them lying about certain things and naturally i find that difficult to forget due to my traits. He also speaks to his friends/family about us and I feel nothing is private (again something I struggle with due to my traits).
Anyway - to round this up... the last week went out with friends and was wayyy ott smothering me, made one rude comment about how I was lucky. I pulled him up on it and he put on water works... with no water on his face just came across as fake crying in an attempt to manipulate me/make me back down. Without sounding bad he is coming off quite obsessed/bit manipulative to get me to stay with him but I don't think they have any intention of changing o4 whether they can if they are narcissistic. We only met a few months ago and it went from great spark in the first month to stress and arguments. I just know somethings off but is it me.
I know I'm not perfect and I know I can think very black/white and I have went from liking someone and finally having a relationship to feeling like this has went very fast (for once not due to me I have greater self awareness in .y 30s) to now feeling slightly repulsed like I have found myself with a horrible person. I can see how me feelings have changed quickly but is it rational or is it me and my traits are making everything seem worse? Do I end it or is this normal relationships and its just harder for those with traits?
Thanks if anyone toook the time to read this/reply. It's lonely sometimes living with b pd. I am not officially fully diagnosed. Sometimes feel I will never be able to cope with anyone.